deuce: WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF TOUCH MY DICK

pants: T DEUCE WE HAVE SOME IMPORTANT DECISIONS TO CONSIDER: HAMBURGERS; CHEESEBURGERS; BOTH deuce: CHEESEBURGERS!!!! pants: EVERYTHING LOOKS IN ORDER TO ME STAMP STAMP STAMP FOLDER CLOSED

spigot: FOR GODS SAKE I NEED MY HEAD IN THE TOILET

deuce: EAT SHIT

spigot: ALL THAT CURLY-BRACED JAVA / C / PERL / APPLESCRIPT / M4 CRAP CAN JUST GO RIGHT DOWN THE TOILET BECAUSE I HAVE IMPORTANT PANCAKES TO FLIP AND FLAP

pants: HALGHALUHGLUHGALAUHLAG pants: YEE HAW pants: ALGHAGLHLAHGLAGHLHG

spigot: EXCUSE ME EVERYBODY BE QUIET spigot: I'M GETTING AN IMPORTANT TEXT ON MY PHONE spigot: IT'S FROM MY AUTOMATED SMOKE ***DETEXTOR*** pants: WHAT DOES IT SAY spigot: MY HOUSE BURNED DOWN

spigot: THERE'S LICKING DICKS IN SPACE AND THERE'S LICKING DICKS FROM SPACE

deuce: DO I REALLY NEED TO SEE THIS PORN STARLET'S ACNE IN 4K? ANSWER: NO

pants: CHOKE IT ON spigot: DOWN pants: ALL AROUND spigot: TOWN pants: IN THE STEREO spigot: SOUND pants: IS HOW IT'S GONNA GO spigot: DOWN pants: I LIKE LICKIN DICK AND I LIKE LICKIN spigot: PRICK pants: WE CHOKE EM DOWN QUICK OR WE ALL GET spigot: SICK

pants: I SHOULD LIKE TO BE CARRIED AROUND IN A BUCKET BY YOU pants: DOWN BY THE SHORE WE WILL WANDER deuce: WILL I SOMETIMES DIP YOU INTO THE WATER AND THEN SOMETIMES SCOOP UP SOME SAND AND THEN MAYBE DUMP IT OUT pants: A-SEEKING OYSTERS AND OTHER DELICIOUS OCEAN EATABLES deuce: WHAT IF I JUST FUCK YOUR FACE

spigot: FZZZZZZZZZZZTTTT spigot: WOOD CHIPPER AND SPRAY OF CHIPS AHOY PARTICLES spigot: PARTICULATE MATTER IN A FINE MIST OF BARELY NOTICEABLE CHOCOLATE SHAVINGS

spigot: do you think jake steed and byron long are friends in real life deuce: they would be in a just world

spigot: I'M GOING TO TIE MY DICK IN A KNOT spigot: THEN GET A BONER AND CHOKE MYSELF

spigot: LINE UP GALS spigot: SQUEEZE spigot: GROPE spigot: SPURF

deuce: WHO LIKES COCK IN A PLATONIC WAY deuce: JUST AS A FRIEND spigot: JUST HERE TO HELP pants: I'M EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN THE FEELINGS OF THE COCKS

deuce: IT'S A GAY GAY WORLD deuce: I'M TIRED DADDY pants: LET US ROLL AROUND ON THE GAY GAY CARPET deuce: I CAN DO THAT pants: BE GAY WITH ME IN A WELL-HUNG MANNER

atandt: HAVE YOU ALL NOTHING BETTER TO DO atandt: WHERE IS MY FORTIFIED WINE atandt: WHEN IS THE COCKSUCKING CONTEST AGAIN pants: THURSDAY AT 4, 7, 9 AND TWO SHOWS AT 12 AND 12:30

net: T PANTS I'D JUST LIKE TO POINT OUT HOW CHOCOLATEY MY BUTTHOLE IS AT THE MOMENT net: T PANTS LICKABLY SOFT/CHOCOLATEY net: T PANTS IN ALL SERIOUSNESS I'M TIRED OF HINTING. I NEED A RIM JOB SOMETHING AWFUL pants: I'LL GET THE HUGGIES

pants: I MUST PROTEST: A FLAPJACK IN AND OF ITSELF CANNOT BE GAY pants: OR....... pants: (TUNE IN TOMORROW)

spigot: WHAT I LIKE TO DO IS ADD THE PHRASE "IN BED" TO THE END OF MY FORTUNE COOKIES!!!!!!!!!! spigot: I WILL LICK DICK ... IN BED!!!!!! spigot: I WILL CUT OFF MY DONG AND BALLS ... IN BED!!!!!!!!!! spigot: I HAVE A KEEN EYE FOR RAPING PROSTITUTES AND CLOROXING THEM DOWN THE BATHTUB ... IN BED !!!!!!!!!! spigot: SOME DON'T WORK

pants: SLOW DOWN, TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND SOAK ME WITH THE HOSE

deuce: HURRAY FOR MY WANG spigot: PLEASE READ MY WANGZINE pants: HURRAY FOR YOUR WANG

pants: WHAT AM I GOING TO REPLACE THE KYLE TRIAL WITH deuce: ANAL ACROBATS 1 THROUGH 10 IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER pants: SEEMS FAIR

spigot: CAN YOU NOT PLAY ADAGIO FOR BASSOON WHILE I PULL MY PENIS

effigy: YEARS AGO IN DAYS OF OLD AND MAGIC FILLED THE AIR spigot: DELETE THIS

pants: I SAW DILDO MAN IN MY DREAMS LAST NIGHT

pants: ARE YOU THE VALID FILEHANDLE I'VE BEEN DREAMING OF

spigot: YOU KNOW IN ENGLAND GAY PEOPLE HANG OUT IN THE "LAVATORY" spigot: AND COCKSUCKING IS CALLED "BANGERS AND MASH" spigot: ALSO DON'T ORDER A "PINT OF BITTER" spigot: I THINK WE'VE ALL MADE THAT MISTAKE spigot: HELLO spigot: OKAY I LIED I NEVER WENT TO ENGLAND spigot: UNLESS MERVYNS COUNTS spigot: I'LL BE QUIET

spigot: THIS DOESN'T FEEL LIKE AN ALTERNATE REALITY spigot: IN FACT I CAN'T EVEN FEEL MY LEGS

pants: MY BOTTOM SURE CAN HOLD A LOT OF POO

deuce: DICKS spigot: I'LL SAY

deuce: OKAY I MEANT JIZZY spigot: FUCK THIS spigot: I NEED TO PRACTICE IN FRONT OF A MIRROR

spigot: PLEASE PUNCH ME IN THE FACE IN FRONT OF MY CHURCH FRIENDS spigot: IT TURNS OUT DUST IS ESSENTIALLY PARTICLES OF DEBRIS FROM POLLUTION IN OUR ATMOSPHERE SO I SARAN WRAPPED THE TOILETS AND FAUCETS TODAY spigot: SLOWLY THE VAMPIRE EXAMINED THE COCK IN HIS FACE

hanford: GOOD GOD atandt: WHAT NOW hanford: THAT WAS CLOSE atandt: ARE YOU MY REPLACEMENT hanford: HERE IT COMES AGAIN atandt: NEVER MIND THE MONKEYS, THEY JUST LIKE TOILETS

spigot: WAITER spigot: WHAT'S THIS FAG DOING IN MY SOUP pants: SUCKING SIR

:Censored by U.S. Govt. pants: I'M IN THIS FOR THE [REDACTED] PEOPLE pants: NOT FOR THE [REDACTED] OR THE [REDACTED] OR ALL THE REALLY GREAT DRUGS spigot: NEXT TIME WE TRY A CRAZY STUNT LET'S INVOLVE COCKS IN THE DARKNESS

spigot: CHRISTMAS IS COMING / THE GOOSE IS GETTING FAT spigot: PLEASE PUSH YOUR BONER / IN MY BIG DUMB FACE hanford: @JERKCITYHIFI CAN WE GET AN API FOR INTEGRATION

pants: in my defense I was trying to fuck the bong deuce: do you really think that matters to the bong

pants: CHRIST CRAPS IN MY HAND effigy: IS IN HIS OWN VISAGE? pants: AND MY HAND

pants: WILL I BE ABLE TO AFFORD SPACE TRAVEL IN MY LIFETIME deuce: WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME I DIDN'T GO TO COLLEGE

pants: THEY GO IN MY MOUTH AND IN MY ASS pants: WHICH IS WEIRD pants: NOT TOO MANY OTHER OBJECTS FIT THAT BILL

spigot: AND I'M SLAPPING MY DONG AROUND IN MY OWN FACE

pants: SHUT YOUR CAKE HOLE, GET ME OUT OF JAIL, AND HUMP MY HIP deuce: HOMP CH-CHING GAHGLAHGLAH (IN ORDER)

pants: WHO IS UP FOR PRICKS pants: SPEAK NOW deuce: I WOULD LIKE YOU TO SPECIFY AND COMPLETELY INDICATE WHAT IS INVLFBHBHBLHBDLBHEDBHBHE0Y WYW0F HFPODJFK;SHFSFH deuce: IN OTHER WORDS YES

spigot: OKAY WELL, ASKING AGAIN: spigot: ARE WE PUMPED FOR MADDEN 16 (IN STORES NOW) pants: #GAYDADS #BIDADS #AUTISTICDADS #GEEKDADS

spigot: YOU ARE SERIOUSLY CHOKING MY FACE WITH YOUR DONG IN SUCH A WAY THAT I MIGHT BE FORCED TO LOG OFF

spigot: LET'S ALL GET HIGH AND THEN GAY deuce: RRRRRRRRR

deuce: I GOT FORTUNE COOKIE AND MADE IN JAPAN SO WE CAN WATCH IT TOGETHER spigot: BE GAY WITH ME IN THE APRICOT ORCHARD BEHIND KAISER PERMANENTE

spigot: NOT ONLY CAN I SMOKE DOPE AFTER WORK BUT ALSO BEFORE WORK AND IN THE BATHROOM AT WORK spigot: THEN THE DOPE WEARS OFF AND I WONDER WHY I'M ALIVE deuce: WHIRRR spigot: THEN I SMOKE DOPE AGAIN AND DRAW FLOWERS, DONGS

pants: FATE HAD OTHER PLANS!!!! WROTE THE BAD WRITER deuce: THE YEAR WAS 2525

spigot: I BEAT OFF IN THE CAR WITH SAFEWAY CONDITIONER

spigot: GIDDYUP JINGLEHORSE PICK UP YOUR FEET spigot: HOLY CHRIST I'M AN ADULT GAY MALE deuce: SHUT UP

deuce: SMEARING IT pants: HAVING IT SMEARED I SUPPOSE (FOLLOWING ALONG EVEN THOUGH IT IS DARK, COLD OUT) pants: NOT REAL SURE ABOUT THIS pants: THE LANTERN WENT OUT

deuce: JERK IT MECCA-WARD deuce: (IN THE DIRECTION OF MECCA) pants: AS I HONK TO GOD

pants: I CAN'T SEE: BLINDED BY MY BONER deuce: BLINDED BECAUSE OF ITS POWER OR BECAUSE IT POKED YOUR EYES OUT OR PERHAPS IT WAS MERELY IN THE WAY OF WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO SEE: A DISTANT BONER pants: POKED

deuce: BUSTA RHYMES NEEDS TO DRINK LESS COFFEE OR SOMETHING

spigot: SERIOUSLY APPRECIATIVE OF THE WAY YOU TOOK IT IN THE FACE OVER LABOR DAY spigot: OR DO I MEAN UP THE FACE spigot: WHICHEVER

spigot: ARE YOU TELLING ME THERE'S A :POINT_RIGHT:QUEER:POINT_LEFT: PODCAST spigot: FOLLOW-UP: DO YOU DARE ME TO MAKE A SWASTIKA OUT OF HOT DOGS AND SQUIRT MUSTARD ON PEOPLE IN THE FINANCIAL DISTRICT spigot: THERE'S NO RIGHT OR WRONG [[[RUNS AWAY]]] spigot: ALEXA HIDE MY PHONE pants: GUH FAT deuce: EVERYBODY deuce: PRESENT YOUR FANNYPACKS FOR INSPECTION spigot: :NOTES: BIG THICK DICKS / FROM NOON TO SIX :NOTES: spigot: SERIOUSLY WE CLOSE AT 6PM PDT pants: :DUCK: AFLAC

spigot: IN THE INTEREST OF TRANSPARENCY, I AM COPYING AND PASTING THE TRANSCRIPT OF THAT CONVERSATION HERE: spigot: LADY, YOU ARE LITERALLY MADE OF URINAL SOAP CAKES

spigot: THE BONGS THEY ARE A-SMOKIN' / AND THESE DONGS THEY ARE A-POKIN' spigot: IN THE LAND spigot: OF THE OLD spigot: SOMETHING

spigot: CHAR *NUTS; deuce: TYPEDEF CHAR NUTS[2]; spigot: STOP SHOWING OFF

spigot: I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I DID LOTS OF HANDJOBS IN THE MILITARY spigot: SOMEONE PLEASE FIGURE OUT GLORYHOLES SO I DON'T KEEP SMOOSHING MY NOSE

spigot: DO I PUT THE PLUGIN INTO THE PLUGINS FOLDER OR SHOVE IT DIRECTLY UP MY BIG FAT ASS deuce: AND THAT'S PRETTY MUCH WHEN THE COCKS COME CHIRPING THROUGH MY WINDOW spigot: I JUST CAN'T DECIDE FOR THE LOVE OF HOLY CHRIST

spigot: I BELIEVE I AM A GAY DONG IN THE SHAPE OF A PERSON deuce: T SPIGOT WE SHALL SOON TEST THAT HYPOTHESIS

pants: IF YOU'RE LISTENING TO THIS IN STEREO pants: THIS VOICE SHOULD BE IN THE LEFT EAR pants: AND THIS VOICE SHOULD BE IN THE RIGHT EAR

spigot: REMEMBER THAT TIME WE WERE GAY WITH EACH OTHER IN THE UPS TRUCK AND THEN IT TOOK OFF AND THE DOOR SLID SHUT AND WE WENT TO VERMONT atandt: WHATEVER

spigot: A1: COCKS IN THE FACE spigot: A2: BALLS UP THE NUTS spigot: I'M NOT GAY

pants: THE MORE WE PLAY TOGETHER THE HAPPIER WE GET deuce: IN THEORY deuce: **IN THEORY** I AM NOT A FAGGOT pants: SNACK CAKES

spigot: IN THIS CARTOONTHE FAT CATS REPRESENTPOLITICIANS !!! spigot: MEOW MEOW MEOWMEOW CHONKER MEOW spigot: NOW STICK ITIN MY MEOWTH

deuce: a crime has been committed in this very room: nobody lick a dick pants: but who hgulahuglahglhalugag who deuce: we'll hglhglaghlgh get to the glahglahglagh bottom of lghalghalgh this

dick: HONESTLY, THESE DAYS CAN YOU REALLY AFFORD *NOT* TO SUCK DICK FOR CRACK? deuce: I WILL ANSWER THAT IN THREE PARTS: 1. GLHGAHLGHLGAHLGAHLAGHLAG deuce: 2. HUBHUBHUBHUBHUBHUBHU deuce: 3. OIGREIOGYRLIGHLDBHNDFHB

pants: CAN ME AND STORE ME IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY (FAMINE, EARTHQUAKE, SOCIAL UNREST)

spigot: VI MY FACE atandt: VI ~SPIGOT/FACE atandt: RM ~SPIGOT/NUTS spigot: MKDIR DUH spigot: CD DUH spigot: LICK DICK PRICK STICK SPICK HOO BLUH DUH spigot: EXIT atandt: WHAT FINE ROUND BALLS YOU HAVE spigot: SLAP THEM

dick: T DEUCE I'M GOING TO STOP BY THE COCK SHOP ON THE WAY HOME TODAY - NEED ANYTHING ? deuce: I WOULD LIKE A COCK dick: T DEUCE CAN DO deuce: ON SECOND THOUGHT MAKE IT A COCK dick: T DEUCE WHAT SIZE/COLOR ? deuce: SURPRISE ME

atandt: HELLO DEUCE deuce: FUCK YOU

deuce: T ATANDT GIVE ME A RIDE atandt: T DEUCE HORSEY deuce: T ATANDT OKAY GIVE ME A LOLLIPOP atandt: T DEUCE SAY PLZ deuce: COCKS

deuce: I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF UNLESS ONE OF YOU GUYS FUCK ME !!!!!! spigot: CAN I HAVE YOUR PENTHOUSES deuce: BLAM spigot: THESE ARE BLACK TAILS : DEUCE FUCKS YOU EVEN FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE

deuce: GLHGAHLGAHGA

deuce: LATEST COVID TEST: STILL POSITIVE spigot: PROBABLY GOT IT FROM A BEE pants: OR A DOORKNOB

deuce: BUG

deuce: IF YOU GUYS AT JERKCITY COULD DO A LITTLE LESS DICKSUCKING AND A LITTLE MORE WHATEVER IT IS YOU DO I THINK THIS WORLD WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE deuce: ON SECOND THOUGHT I WOULDN'T GET BLOWJOBS deuce: I RETRACT MY PREVIOUS STATEMENT pants: DICKSUCKING IS IMPORTANT

deuce: LOVING YOU IS EASY BECAUSE I ALREADY CAME pants: QUACK pants: QUACK deuce: BAD DUCK (SHUT UP)

deuce: [REDACTED] deuce: OH deuce: RIGHT

deuce: AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE TO INJECT MYSELF WITH "INSULIN" AFTER A BIG MEAL

deuce: QUACK dick: MOO deuce: T DICK YOU ARE FIRED

DEUCE: ARE WE GETTING A NUT FARM AGAIN PANTS: STILL

pants: BUNNIES LIKE DICK pants: WELL THEY SEEMED TO pants: NOW THEY'RE BURST

pants: WHO AMI pants: WHERE AM I GOING pants: OOH KOUIGN-AMANNS HROMPTH HOMPTH

spigot: BIG FAT BALLS spigot: THEY'RE REALLY IN MY FACE TODAY / THEY'RE pants: SING IT LOUD BROTHER spigot: BIG FAT BALLS deuce: COCKS spigot: IT'S TIME TO GO ON HOME pants: WAIT WAIT pants: HOLD ON

spigot: EEK deuce: YOU SCARED HIM AWAY pants: YES PEOPLE ARE FRIGHTENED OF ME AND MY WIDE MOUTH pants: WHICH BY THE WAY IS EXCELLENT FOR SHOVING CRICKETS AND OTHER FOOD INTO

pants: DID YOU KNOW THAT THE NORMAL COST FOR SUPER-VI@G-R@ IS $20, PER DOSE? WE ARE RUNNING A HOT SPECIAL!! T0DAY ITS ONLY AN AMAZING}}}}}}}}}}}} NO CARRIER

spigot: I BONKED MY HEAD

deuce: DAMN I WANNA BE YOUR LOVER deuce: T ATANDT NOT YOU atandt: T DEUCE WHEW deuce: T ATANDT COCKS

deuce: T SPIGOT YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS GIBBOUS???? SPOILERS: MY DICK pants: HIS DICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! INAPPROPRIATE ENTHUSIASM deuce: SHOVING

pants: T SPIGOT WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR MY TALE OF INCEST AND DRUBBING AS A TEENAGE GIRL spigot: I DON'T KNOW WHAT DRUBBING IS BUT IF IT'S ANYTHING LIKE MACARONI AND CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

spigot: FOLKS I DO NOT SELF-IDENTIFY WITH FRISBEE ***OR*** GOLF spigot: IF YOU INCREASE THE CONTRAST AND ZOOM IN YOU CAN REALLY SEE A MOUTH PENIS DRAWN RIGHT ON HIS FACE

pants: IS THAT THE SAME TOOTHBRUSH THAT FELL IN THE TOILET deuce: UH pants: IF SO: I WANT IN ON THE DEAL deuce: PLEASE BRING IT UP SLOWLY (IT WILL FALL IN AGAIN) pants: I CANNOT SIT HERE WHILE YOU JERK THIS DICK AND THAT DICK!!! IT IS NOT APPROPRIATE deuce: GRR FOAMING GRR