spigot: IMAGINE NOT BEING ABLE TO MAINTAIN AN ERECTION IN FRONT OF YOUR OWN CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN

deuce: WHENEVER I GO TO A NEW PLACE I PLANT A FLAG JUST IN CASE

deuce: I'D BETTER JERK OFF FOR GOOD MEASURE dick: JUST IN CASE dick: JUST TO BE SURE deuce: RIGHT dick: BECAUSE WHAT IF dick: UHHH FINISHED deuce: ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME

spigot: JUST INTRODUCE ME AS MASTER OF THE MACABRE AND I'LL TAKE IT FROM THERE spigot: CONFETTI BOMB EXPLODES

deuce: (POPS THE COCK OUT OF HIS MOUTH) WAIT YOU CAN GET AIDS THIS WAY (POPS IT BACK IN, GOES ABOUT HIS BUSINESS) deuce: NOT BLOWING IT IN A GAY WAY, JUST KIND OF A LOLLIPOP THING spigot: PANTS LOVED TO LICK DICK

effigy: YOU ARE NOT T-SHAPED PEOPLE AT ALL! effigy: YOU ARE JUST KNEELING DOWN SUCKING OFF THE REST IF THE I-SHAPED PEOPLE!! effigy: AS THE SCRUM MASTER I DECLARE THIS STANDUP OVER!

pants: T DEUCE WHY WOULD YOU HAVE SEX WITH A ROMULAN/VULCAN ANYWAY deuce: WHY WOULDN'T I (pants): JAWAS, ETC. deuce: THEY'VE GOT HOLES AND COMPLAIN ABOUT IT JUST LIKE ANYONE ELSE

deuce: HOLD STILL atandt: THIS MIGHT ADVERSELY AFFECT OUR RELATIONSHIP

pants: JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN THIS CORNY DREAM

spigot: CHOKING THEM ALL DOWN AT ONCE!!!!!!!! LIKE THE SIGN SAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!

deuce: WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST LOVE EACH OTHER deuce: ASKING SERIOUSLY LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT CHILD pants: GIVE PISS A CHANCE deuce: URINE: OUR GOLDEN FRIEND pants: NATURE'S PISS

pants: I CAN BEAT OFF TO LILITH BUT NOT FRASIER pants: AND MAYBE NILES pants: DON'T TELL ANYBODY pants: DELETE THAT

deuce: I THREW UP JUST NOW spigot: BLUHUGHUP HOLD MY HAIR OUT OF THE TOILET

pants: DOES MY SEXUALITY THREATEN U deuce: COULD YOU CUT DOWN ON THE GAY FOR JUST LIKE ONE WEEK pants: I DON'T UNDERSTAND deuce: AMBIEN WALRUS TURNS YOU INTO A CREEP pants: MORE HORRIBLE PICTURES FOLLOW, EACH ONE WORSE THAN THE LAST UNTIL FULL FRONTAL deuce: AND THEN FINALLY A PINK TUTU

pants: DO I HAVE TO GET DRESSED TODAY/WEAR SHOES/SHAVE pants: CAN I JUST BATHROBE AND SLUMP IT ALL DAY pants: SHUFFLING INTO THE KITCHEN FOR COOKIES, PLOPPING INTO THE RECLINER pants: PISS JUG JUST OUT OF REACH pants: YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO

hanford: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT pants: I THINK IT'S JUST OVERCAST hanford: I THINK THE BULB BURNT OUT pants: YOU SAY THE FOG WILL BURN OFF ?????????????? OR THE FAG WILL WEAR OFF ?!?!? I AM INCREASING MY KEY REPEAT RATE hanford: SHUT UP pants: GRIND IT AS YOU NEED IT NOT ALL AT ONCE BECAUSE THE GRINDER IS ENTERTAINING TO OPERATE (WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT AGAIN)

spigot: GAY RIGHTS??!?!?!?! WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO JUST PLAIN GAY DICKS

spigot: BUT I LOST MY SOCKS pants: JUST PLEASE LEAVE

pants: ALGHAGLUHALGAG spigot: GHALGUHALGHLUAH atandt: OG&AIG@INTG*YGF atandt: AOG*TAAAAAAAA4 pants: THAT IS NOT HOW YOU DO IT spigot: WHAT NO pants: YOU'RE MAKING US ALL SICK spigot: JUST PLEASE STOP

spigot: AND I WOULD LIKE TO FONDLE ALL OF YOUR COCKS (JUST REAL QUICK)

pants: ROSES ARE RED / MY LOVE pants: AND BONERS / ARE BLUE pants: YOU'RE SQUEEZING TOO TIGHT IS WHAT I'M SAYIN' HERE pants: JUST SAYIN'

atandt: I WOULD LIKE TO SHOW YOU MY SHINY WHITE BUM deuce: IS IT NEW atandt: JUST SHINY deuce: THEN FUCK OFF

deuce: HOLY QUEERCAKES spigot: I'M ALONE IN A DARK ROOM FILLED WITH JIZZMOPS spigot: HOLY GOD IT'S A BUCKET OF SOMETHING ozone: HEY, THAT'S NOT THE DEUCE spigot: YOU'LL GET AHOLD OF MY NUTS WHEN CHRIST CRAPS ozone: IT'S JUST SOME GUY WITH APHASIA

pants: IS THAT A WII REMOTE STICKING OUT OF YOUR ASS pants: HOW CAN YOU EVEN PLAY TIGER WOODS GOLF WITH THAT THING STU--OH pants: OH WOW deuce: I'M GOOD

spigot: OKAY I'M GOING IN HERE FOR JUST TWO SECONDS spigot: I'LL BE RIGHT BACK spigot: NO FUNNY BUSINESS spigot: HMM HURR CRUMBLY COFFEE CAKE SMOOSHED ALL OVER ME spigot: OKAY BACK PEOPLE

deuce: SOMEONE RAPE ME WITH A BROOM deuce: OR A BROOM-LIKE OBJECT deuce: LIKE A RAKE FOR INSTANCE deuce: PERHAPS A POOL SKIMMER deuce: I MEAN IMPROVISE HERE !!!!!

pants: COCKS? deuce: MAYBE pants: NOW WE'RE TALKING deuce: I WAS JUST WAITING FOR THE GO-AHEAD

spigot: YOU'RE MAKING BEING STONED AT 1PM IN THE AFTERNOON UNPLEASANT pants: I JUST WOKE UP GIVE ME SOME SPACE HERE spigot: LAUGH SOME MORE I JUST KNOCKED MY DRINK OVER

pants: MAN ALIVE I'M FUSSY WHEN IT COMES TO EATING POO deuce: YOU'RE A BIG FUCKING GIRL ABOUT IT deuce: SMALL BITES, FROWNY FACE, TEARS IN YOUR EYES deuce: JUST WOLF IT ON DOWN YOU FUCKING FAGGOT

spigot: WELL IT SOUNDS LIKE THERANOS ALL OVER AGAIN WHERE I PUT MY PENIS IN A MAGIC BOX AND IT "JUST WORKS" deuce: ONLY NEED ONE TINY DROP OF SEMEN pants: BUT WHERE TO DEPOSIT THE SEMEN <COYPANTS.GIF> spigot: I USED THE BOOK RETURN AT THE CUPERTINO LIBRARY pants: THAT IS FOR SQUIRRELS AND PISS BOTTLES ONLY

spigot: LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST YOU AND ME AND MY NEW BELT

deuce: I THINK JERKCITY IS BEST WHEN IT'S JUST YOU AND ME spigot: AND OUR COCKS

pants: DOWN THE HATCH GLUG GLUG GLUG OH LORD PISS TASTES TERRIBLE GLUG GLUG GLUG deuce: IT TASTES LIKE JUSTICE pants: (WIPING LIPS) PISS JUG JUSTICE

spigot: LONG, LOUD TURKEY GOBBLES INTO THE K-MART INTERCOM

deuce: LET'S CHECK MY KANBAN BOARD FOR GOATS, PEANUTS

spigot: FRY ME TO DER MOONS / UND LET ME PRAY AMONST A STARS pants: TAKE IT OFF spigot: RET ME SEE IF SPRING HAS SPRUNGD / ON JUPITER UND MARS pants: TAKE OFF YOUR FUCKING SHIRT deuce: I THINK YOU'RE MIXING UP GERMAN AND ORIENTAL LANGUAGES pants: KARAOKE LADY I AM ABOUT TO HURL A BEER MUG AT YOUR HEAD

spigot: DOES JERKCITY NEED KATIE COURIC IN THE SIDEBAR LIKE YAHOO pants: REALLY NEED TO KNOW HOW YOU ARE FIXED FOR PRICKS spigot: I'M FAIRLY FIXED spigot: SUBSCRIBE AND SHARE AND BE SURE TO LEAVE A COMMENT

: The editors of Jerkcity respectfully request that you use the wanking chamber instead of masturbating on the lawn. Thank you. dick: IF GOD HADN'T MEANT FOR ME TO SUCK DICKS HE WOULDN'T HAVE MADE THEM DICK-SHAPED deuce: AMEN BROTHER deuce: I MEAN GROSS, FAG

deuce: eDICKS spigot: vPRICKS pants: iSTALLS deuce: DONGLETS pants: INHALANTS spigot: THE DOT COMS deuce: GHGHLUGHLGHLG spigot: AHLUGLAGHULAHULAHG pants: HULAHGLUHGAULHUALHALG

pants: IT PUTS THE LOTION IN THE BASKET

dick: HEY WOW WHERE DID ALL THIS PORN COME FROM deuce: HLAGHLAGH dick: T DEUCE WERE YOU MAYBE TRYING TO SAY HALLELUJAH BUT THEN GOT A DICK STUCK IN YOUR THROAT ????? deuce: HGALHGHAGH dick: KEEP TRYING deuce: GURGLE

pants: WATCH OUT pants: HERE IT COMES pants: STAND BACK atandt: JUST ADMIT YOU CAN'T GET HARD AND MOVE ON, MAN

deuce: I'M KEEPIN' CLEAN IN THE ANTHROPOCENE

deuce: T DISCOVERY CHANNEL I'M SORRY BUT IT'S A LITTLE HARD FOR ME TO SWITCH GEARS FROM VIETNAM POWS TO KEIKO'S VOYAGE HOME ???

pants: ===> INSTALLING FOR KERMIT-6.0.192 pants: YAY !!! KERMIT IS INSTALLED pants: NOW I CAN BEAT OFF AT THE PUBLIC LIBRARY

pants: 54[11~QWETYUIOP[]\';LLKJJHGHGFDSAZXCVBNM./ pants: OKAY pants: THE KEYBOAD SEEMS TO WOK EXCEPT FO THE COMMA AND THE '"' KEY

spigot: HOW DO YOU GET EGG NOG OUT OF THE KEYS/KEYBOARD deuce: WITH HELP FROM GOD AND HIS LITTLE ELVES

spigot: IS THAT DRUNK FAT MAN IN THE GUTTER HARRY KNOWLES???????? spigot: HEY MAN YOU THE GUY WHO USED TO DO AIN'T IT COOL NEWS ??????????? spigot: WHOMP WHAM JAB BOOT pants: AND NEXT TO HIM WHY IT'S MATT DRUDGE spigot: WHAT A SCOOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *FOMP* FLASH spigot: KICK spigot: LICK pants: LOVE spigot: DUH

deuce: HOLY SHIT YOUR CUNT IS KICKABLE pants: DO IT

spigot: YOU PUT YOUR LEFT FOOT IN spigot: YOU TAKE YOUR LEFT FOOT OUT spigot: YOU PUT YOUR FAT BALLS IN spigot: AND YOU SHA : SPIGOT IS KICKED OFF CHANNEL #HOKEY_POKEY

pants: HIS NAME IS BRIAN J. PEPPERS pants: HE DID WHAT ?!?! WELL I NEVER pants: A LITTLE SAD BUT ALSO A LITTLE STONED

deuce: GLHAGLHGA pants: OH YEAH WELL HUALHHAG deuce: YOU BACK OFF MAN GLHLAAGHABLHAGBHLGBAHLABGH pants: I CAN'T HELP IT HLAGHAULHGLUAHGLAG

deuce: COULD I BORROW YOUR WIFE FOR THE WEEKEND deuce: I WANT TO TEST OUT SOME NEW KICKS AND PUNCHES

hanford: OKAY IF WE DID A KICKSTARTER/INDIEGOGO FOR A REPRINT OF "THE BIG BOOK OF JERKCITY" WOU-- pants: HEY pants: HEY MISTER hanford: WHAT pants: 1-800-URINE ISN'T EVEN A REAL PHONE NUMBER IT DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH DIGITS hanford: .

pants: kickstarter to put a UI on the bonequest game???????? $900,000,000?????????????? deuce: better ask for a cool $9,000,000,000 deuce: go big or go home pants: home deuce: also my preference, yes pants: home is comfortable and snacks are there deuce: also chairs, couches, cats, bed pants: all the good things

pants: HAMBURGS

pants: WHO WANTS A FAGGYBACK RIDE deuce: WHAT DOES THAT RIDE CONSIST OF pants: JUST GET IN THE VAN deuce: OOH CANDY pants: UH, NO, THESE ARE PUPPIES deuce: GRRRR pants: OH GOD HE'S EATING THEM deuce: BEARLIKE pants: WHO IS THE PREDATOR HERE OH GOD I'M BEING EATEN deuce: MMMMM pants: I SHOULD HAVE NEVER THOUGHT TO MOLEST HIM deuce: CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP pants: DIGESTION BEGINS deuce: BURP pants: SILENCE SETS IN

deuce: HERE'S A FUCKING BUS TICKET SHITHEAD pants: WELCOME TO MY CREEPY APARTMENT

deuce: LET'S PLAY WITH GUNS pants: BLAM deuce: BLAM OW BLAM URF BLAM HUHHHH BLEEDING pants: GET A TAMPON deuce: BLAM pants: OKAY SERIOUSLYHOLD ON A MINUTEMY WIENER'S OUT deuce: SHOULD I TUG ON IT OR SCREAM UNCONTROLLABLY pants: GET A MOUSETRAP

spigot: LEAKING deuce: I'M A PDA deuce: I'M A HOMING HOMO spigot: CHOKEY CHOKEY CHOKE spigot: FOLKS THERE'S NO "I" IN COCKSUCKER deuce: KILL YOURSELF AND FUCK THE BODY

spigot: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM HONK spigot: 23 spigot: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM HONK spigot: 24 spigot: NO I'M FINE spigot: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM HONK spigot: 25 spigot: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM HONK

spigot: CAN'T SPELL UKRAINE WITHOUT URINE

pants: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO BEAT OFF AS WE ARE IN PUBLIC NOW pants: I'M TAKING A SHIT ON YOUR CHEST deuce: NOT AGAIN pants: FANTASY ROLE-PLAYING

deuce: I REALLY THINK THAT ANNE MCCAFFREY'S WORK IS UNDERRATED

deuce: GOD'S TELLING ME TO SPANK IT AGAIN deuce: DO I DEFY THE WILL OF GOD OR NO pants: DID HE SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ME (AND MY DRESS) deuce: I DON'T KNOW deuce: I WASN'T REALLY PAYING ATTENTION TO HIM ANYWAY deuce: HE TALKS ALL FUNNY deuce: KIND OF DIRTY

deuce: YOU KNOW WHAT'S REALLY FUN??? FINGER PAINTING

deuce: I THINK I'LL SET ASIDE SOME TIME TO READ SOME POETRY

deuce: YOU KNOW WHAT I REALLY LIKE??? THE LOOK ON CHILDREN'S FACES WHEN THEY GET ICE CREAM

spigot: INTRODUCING A KINDER, GENTLER, MORE RELAXED DEUCE!!!! ONLY ON JERKCITY deuce: HI EVERYBODY deuce: I LIKE TO LAY ON THE GRASS AND WATCH THE CLOUDS OVERHEAD deuce: :O)

spigot: OKAY PEOPLE I NEED YOUR ATTENTION spigot: KINDLY STOP WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE DOING AND LISTEN UP spigot: THIS IS GOING TO AFFECT EVERYONE IN THE DEPARTMENT pants: HOLY GOD spigot: FAT BALLS spigot: SO YOU KNOW WE MEAN BUSINESS

pants: COCKS pants: BIG ONES PLEASE pants: I AM ASKING FOR BIG COCKS HERE pants: USUALLY BY THIS TIME I AM OVERWHELMED pants: REMEMBER KING KONG SWATTING AT THE AIRPLANES AROUND HIS HEAD AND FACE pants: WELL THIS IS NOTHING LIKE THAT pants: KING KONG WAS UPSET BY THE BUZZING AND THE SHOOTING pants: WHILE I IS JUST HAPPY TO HAVE COMPANY FOR TEA

pants: SMASHING YOUR STUPID FACE : Microsoft Corporation product license dialogue box with deuce's face. : This product is licensed to King Kong, Jungle Isle.

spigot; T DEUCE YOU ARE TRULY THE KING OF KINGS spigot: PROSTRATING MYSELF IN A FORWARDS FASHION FORMATION WITH MY BALLS/KNEES deuce: WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY PROSTRATE

bung: YOU ARE THE KING OF MY PANTS! deuce: I'M THE CAPTAIN OF YOUR BALLS bung: TOGETHER WE MAKE A FINE TEAM!

pants: `KING ROYAL BEATOFF SESSION` pants: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN

pants: ARE WE JACK OFF KINGS deuce: QUEENS pants: COOL

pants: MY >>HEART<< IS >>FULL<< deuce: HI BOYS pants: KISS ME YOU FOOL deuce: N

pants: :NOTES: KISS ME AND SMILE FOR ME pants: TELL ME THAT YOU'LL WAIT FOR ME pants: HOLD ME LIKE YOU'RE STANDING IN A PUDDLE OF URINE pants: AND I AM THE SOURCE OF THAT URINE

spigot: I ALSO SUSPECT THAT NOBODY AT VISCERA IS REALLY GAY AFTER ALL deuce: KISS THE BUNNY ON THE NOSE

pants: KISSING THE RING (EVEN THOUGH NOBODY INSTRUCTED ME TO DO SO)

spigot: THIS NEWSGROUP IS FOR ***SERIOUS*** PERL LOVERS ONLY IN THE 415 deuce: I HAVE A BOX OF KIT KATS !!!! CAN'T I JOIN spigot: THESE CLIP ART CD'S PROVE I'M ABLE TO DESIGN ***YOUR*** E-BUSINESS!!!! spigot: CLICK HERE TO EMAIL ME!!!!!!!!! spigot: YOU CAN DISMISS THE GEOCITIES POP-UP WINDOW BY CLICKING THE CLOSE BOX pants: CAN I ALSO CLICK ON THE WINDOW'S DISMISS BUTTON ?!!??! OR USE XKILL deuce: WHERE DID ALL MY KIT KATS GO pants: YOU HAVE TO LEAVE NOW deuce: I FEEL USED

deuce: I'M A KITTY CAT pants: I WILL PET YOU HARD deuce: EXCELLENT pants: YOU STUPID JUNKY WHORE I'LL KILL YOU

deuce: LOOKS LIKE YOUR KITTY WEDGED HIMSELF INSIDE AN ALHAMBRA WATER JUG AND SUFFOCATED TO DEATH pants: CAT LOAF!!!!!!! deuce: YOUR OTHER CAT IS STICKING HIS TONGUE OUT deuce: BECAUSE A CAR BACKED OVER ITS HEAD AND BROKE ITS JAW IN THREE PLACES pants: I CALL THEM ***BLEPS*** deuce: YOUR DOG'S WATER BOWL HAS BEEN EMPTY FOR THREE DAYS deuce: HE FOUND A BAG OF HERSHEY'S KISSES AND HE'S LITERALLY HAVING A SEIZURE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU pants: THAT GOOD BOYE IS GOING MLEM deuce: YOUR OTHER DOG IS SO UNHAPPY IN THIS TINY TOILET CAGE YOU CALL AN APARTMENT deuce: HE'S FRANTIC TO ESCAPE 24 HOURS A DAY pants: MY DOGGO LOVES HIS ZOOMIES!!!! spigot: YOUR TOUCAN BIT MY DICK OFF pants: BIRBS

deuce: t pants can you explain to me why the phrase kitty opinions is in neither BONEBASE/1 nor BoneQuest (arms folded) pants: are love and piss the same thing deuce: no but they are closely intertwined (with piss drops) pants: mmm so hot

deuce: T PANTS LET'S HAVE A KLINGON MARRIAGE (WHICH MERELY CONSISTS OF US JERKING EACH OTHER OFF) pants: FOR GOD'S SAKE FEED ME DICK

deuce: HEAD dick: YES PLEASE dick: KNEEL RIGHT UP deuce: T DICK NO YOU SEE IT WAS A DEMAND dick: MY DICK IS FLOPPING ON THE GROUND deuce: WELL ROLL IT BACK UP AND GET OVER HERE YOU dick: IT FALLS OFF WHEN I FEEL THREATENED deuce: I DON'T SEE HOW ALL THIS IS GOING TO GET ME MY HEAD dick: A SURVIVAL STRATEGY, YOU SEE

pants: :LIPS: :LIPSTICK: deuce: I SAID NO

deuce: MY DONG HAS KNEES deuce: IS THAT NORMAL

pants: putting knitting needles in my bottom deuce: that's where they go now pants: now we know where to find them deuce: your bottom is a knitting needle receptacle deuce: knitting needle primary storage

spigot: IF I WERE A DALEK IT WOULD BE HARD TO JERK (KNOBS, ETC)

pants: OW spigot: KNOCK IT OFF

spigot: KNOCK KNOCK deuce: WHO'S THERE deuce: [REGRETTING IT ALREADY] spigot: FUCKING FAGGOT spigot: RUNNING AWAY

pants: KNOCK KNOCK HI I NEED TO RESET YOUR TOILET CAM IT'S ON THE FRITZ JUST LET ME GET BY HERE THANKS

spigot: KNOCK KNOCK !!! pants: WHO IS THERE ??? spigot: BRAD CHAD AND THAD !!! pants: BRAD CHAD AND THAD WHO ??? spigot: WHO CARES !!! HOMPTH THBPBLGH HBLRTKTPTH*&%

deuce: T SPIGOT KNOCK KNOCK spigot: WHO'S THERE deuce: BULLET deuce: BLAM spigot: AFTER YOU STEP OVER ME, PLEASE CLOSE MY TABS

spigot: WHAT MISSING JUVENILES spigot: I MEAN COME IN !! spigot: I MEAN DON'T COME IN, SORRY

spigot: KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK spigot: WAIT I HAVE A KEY ACTUALLY spigot: SMASH