spigot: T DEUCE YOU SAID THIS WASN'T A KISSING GAME deuce: MMMMMMMM spigot: OFF spigot: T PANTS I ACCIDENTALLY SPILLED DOPE SMOKE INTO MY MOUTH AND LUNGS TEN TIMES spigot: DIAGNOSIS: CINNAMON BUNS spigot: I'M FAT deuce: FUCK YOU

spigot: I USE A BURNER HAM RADIO SO NOBODY FINDS OUT I HELP ELDERLY OPERATORS UP THE STAIRS TO PANCAKE BREAKFASTS AT THE OAKS SHOPPING CENTER

pants: MY BALLS ARE BURNING pants: NO WAIT THAT'S YOUAND YOUR ZIPPO/BIC deuce: THE MORE YOU SQUIRM THELONGER THESE MARSHMALLOWSARE GOING TO TAKE pants: THOSE ARE MY TENDERABLES deuce: SUCKS TO YOUR ASSMAR

pants: HELLO ??? AM I LATE FOR BURNING MAN ??? IT IS COLD pants: THEY PROMISED FOUR AND TWENTY BLACKBIRDS pants: THIS IS MORE LIKE FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY BLACK DICKS ALL AT ONCE (WITHOUT REMORSE OR AN OUNCE OF POLITENESS I MIGHT ADD)

atandt: BUS ERROR, CORNDOG DUMPED spigot: PLEASE LIMIT YOUR BUGS TO THE STEPS REQUIRED TO KICK ME IN THE NUTS

: Spigot the Bear is ██████ ██████ a live studio audience ███████ suspected homosexuals███ spigot: SIR MY BUS PASS SEEMS TO HAVE EXPIRED DUE TO THE FACT THAT I CAN'T FIND IT spigot: IF I COULD PLEASE HAVE ANOTHER AND IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND DRIVING BY MCDONALDS

deuce: HERE'S A FUCKING BUS TICKET SHITHEAD pants: WELCOME TO MY CREEPY APARTMENT

spigot: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: TAKIN' CARE / OF BUSINESS :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: spigot: :NOTES: EVERY DAY :NOTES: spigot: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: I'M / TAKIN' CARE OF BUSINESS :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: :NOTES: deuce: FUCKING GAY spigot: LOOKS LIKE WE'RE BOTH TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS spigot: :ICECREAM: :ICECREAM: :ICECREAM: :ICECREAM: T C B Y :ICECREAM: :ICECREAM: :ICECREAM: :ICECREAM: deuce: STANDING ON YOUR NECK UNTIL DEAD

pants: IF I'M GOING TO LAM IT, I'M GOING WITH A FUCKING PACKAGE. I'M NOT GOING TO BE LIKE FUCKING MICKEY MAZUCCO. THE POOR PRICK ONLY HAD FIVE MINUTES TO RUN. HE ENDED UP IN SOME RAT INFESTED MOTEL DOWN IN ELVIS COUNTRY spigot: WHAT IS THAT deuce: ANYWHERE THERE ARE NO JEWS OR ITALIANS spigot: I DON'T GET IT

pants: FOR THE LAST TIME I WAS NOT BEING GAY IN THERE I WAS SIMPLY PRACTICING FOR A PLAY spigot: A GLORY HOLE ?!? WHAT'S THAT ?!?!? I'VE NEVER EVER HEARD THAT TERM BEFORE atandt: HE AND I WERE JUST HUGGING AND TALKING AND HUGGING spigot: THESE GAY MAGAZINES ARE FOR AN ART PROJECT!!!!! NOT BEATING OFF TO atandt: YES I'M REALLY JUST HERE TO USE THE FACILITIES pants: I KNOW THAT'S MY NAME ON THE MAILING LABEL BUT THIS IS NOT MY ISSUE OF "HUNK" pants: AND FURTHERMORE I AM MOST CERTAINLY INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY deuce: THAT'S RIGHT FUCKO YOU'LL KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU

deuce: I SEE YOU SUCKING pants: HOLY CRAP I'M BUSTED

spigot: 9:00-9:30 THINK ABOUT YOUR DUMB CATS spigot: 9:30-10:00 WISH I COULD DRINK BEER WITH YOU IN A GAY PART OF TOWN deuce: T SPIGOT AT 9:45 YOU CAN USUALLY SEE ME SUCKING DICKS IN THE FOYER

pants: NORMALLY I WOULDN'T GO OUT INTO THE WOODS AND SHOVE MY HAND INTO HOLES I FIND BUT

spigot: BUT I WAS DRAGGING HIM TO THE HOSPITAL??????????

deuce: I WOULD JERK OFF TO ALLEVIATE MY SORROWS BUT ALAS IT IS TOO HOT deuce: SO INSTEAD I WILL COMMIT SUICIDE deuce: OH WHO AM I KIDDING IT IS EVEN TOO HOT FOR THAT

spigot: sucking ten dicks but also thinking this could have been an email

pants: i beat off nightly spigot: do you tho pants: i do spigot: but do u

pants: GIVING MYSELF HEAD AT WORK DURING BUSINESS HOURS pants: MY NECK HURTS BUT GOSH I'M NEVER SITTING UP STRAIGHT AGAIN pants: SUCK THE DICK YOU FAT OLD MAN

spigot: WE'VE GOT TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO GET MARK TWAIN ON THE ENTERPRISE

deuce: SON OF A BITCH pants: GO TO BED deuce: BUT I JUST pants: YOU HEARD ME deuce: FINE pants: TUCKING YOU IN

deuce: HEY CHECK OUT MY WANG pants: CLOSING MY EYES TIGHT, ONE EYELID TWITCHES AS I PEEK deuce: SURPRISE!!!!! IT'S A WANG pants: PLACING A BOW ON TOP

deuce: MY DICK spigot: ALL OF OUR DICKS, I SUGGEST TO YOU pants: HIS DICK pants: BUT GOOD SIR I deuce: SOME DICKS deuce: AT LEAST ONE DICK pants: REGARDING THE MASSIVE DICKS: I WILL GET BACK TO YOU (COMFORTABLE WITH SAYING I DON'T KNOW BUT I WILL FIND OUT)

pants: PLEASE DON'T FUCK THE LETTUCE OR THE CABBAGE pants: BUT IF YOU DO, USE PROTECTION

deuce: ARE YOU E.E. CUMMINGS BUT IN UPPERCASE atandt: LET'S CHECK atandt: NOPE

pants: THE VIEW IS AWFUL BUT MY FACE IS STAINED WITH JIZZ deuce: SO IT ALL EVENS OUT

deuce: IT'S NOT WHAT YOU KNOW IT'S WHO YOU GARK GARK GARK spigot: FOLKS IT CAN BE A SLOPPY *******OR******* A SWALLOW BUT NOT BOTH

deuce: BUT SOFT! DOES SURELY MY NEWFOUND POO PRESS AGAINST MY BUMHOLE WITH GREAT ALACRITY pants: MMM YEAH THAT'S SO UH HOT YEAH IT IS HOT

deuce: WHAT FAGGOTRY pants: THROUGH YON WINDOW BREAKS deuce: BUT SOFT! SUCK THAT FUCKING DICK, BITCH

deuce: THE BIRD'S TAPPING ITS BEAK ON THE WINDOW AGAIN pants: FEED HIM DICK THROUGH THE MAIL SLOT

deuce: BUT THEN HE JUST RETURNS TO THE COMIC IN A RANDOM STRIP WITH OTHERS WITH NO FANFARE, NO EXPLANATION, NEVER MENTIONED AGAIN pants: RELEASING THE FARTS spigot: HURRR

pants: I TOOK MY DONG OUT BUT THEN I THOUGHT BETTER AND TUCKED IT BACK IN THERE pants: YOU MAKE YOUR OWN LUCK IN LIFE pants: HEARTS AND MINDS GENTLEMEN pants: HEARTS AND MINDS

pants: RIP OFF MY HEAD, SHIT DOWN MY NECK BUT THEN WHEN YOU ARE DONE PLEASE REPLACE MY HEAD deuce: ME AND MY HEAD OR ME AND MY BODY

pants: i was totally going to suck a dick but then i saw a moth and now i'm scared

deuce: WHAT IF I DON'T **WANT** TO LICK DICK deuce: GLURF

deuce: TOUCH IT pants: BUT WHY pants: WHY deuce: DON'T ASK JUST DO pants: BUT I HAVE MANY QUESTIONS

pants: WHY IS EVERYTHING SO deuce: DOWN IN FRONT

pants: T DEUCE WHAT'S A BUTT HEN deuce: T PANTS WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME pants: T DEUCE WELL I SURE AS HELL DON'T KNOW deuce: I'M GOING TO END THIS CONVERSATION BY CASUALLY TURNING MY HEAD AWAY NOW pants: BUTT HEN deuce: WHO SAID THAT !?!?!? WAS IT THE WIND ?!?!?!?!?!??! pants: BUTT HEN (QUIETER) deuce: I CAN'T HEAR YOU ?!??!?! (pants): BUTT HEN

spigot: GAY I'M A PERSON WITH FEELINGS spigot: I MEAN I'M A PERSON WITH FEELINGS

deuce: BEAT ME OFF pants: RELEASE THE HOSTAGES FIRST deuce: NO PROMISES

deuce: YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND pants: BUTTERFLY SOUP pants: THE DAMN THINGS WON'T HOLD STILL pants: FURTHERMORE I CAN'T GET THEM CANNED

deuce: BUTTERNUT SQUASH SOUP $10 deuce: I'M NOT EATING AT LEAST TWO OF THOSE WORDS

pants: BUY ME A PONY pants: PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY pants: PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY PONY

dick: I'M AN AFRICANIZED HONEY BEE !!!! ALL STARVING AND AIDSY dick: I'M A MEXICANIZED HONEY BEE !!!! TACOS Y TOSTADAS dick: I'M A GERMANIZED HONEY BEE !!!! ARBEIT MACHT FREI dick: I'M AN IRANIZED HONEY BEE !!!! MULLAH BIN KAFF GAG SAND dick: HALP

pants: ? (DUMB GUY VOICE) I SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO FLY deuce: ? (CONTINUING DUMB GUY VOICE) BUT YET I DO pants: OH SHIT deuce: ????

pants: OH GOOD THE BUZZIES atandt: !!1 pants: OKAY THE BATS WENT AWAY atandt: SOMEONE PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY pants: BOY AM I TIRED OF TYPING deuce: GLHAGHLGAHLAG

pants: HAVE YOU EVER RETIRED A HUMAN BY MISTAKE deuce: NOPE pants: WELL, OKAY

spigot: PANTS WANTS ME TO ASK WHAT HAPPENED TO THE-- (spigot): WHAT WAS IT AGAIN (pants): THE RIOT SHIELDS IN COUNTER STRIKE spigot: PANTS WANTS ME TO ASK WHAT HAPPENED TO THE RIOT SHIELDS IN COUNTER STRIKE (pants): ALSO TELL THEM DJ RAPEKIT ISN'T A NAME IT'S AN OBJECT

pants: HOW ABOUT pants: SHOW YOUR PUSSY TO THE WORLD pants: FOR MONEY deuce: WHAT THE ?!?!? deuce: T PANTS I FIND THE TERM "PUSSY" OFFENSIVE deuce: I MUCH PREFER "CUNT" pants: T DEUCE GIRL DON'T HAVE CUNTS (ANYMORE) pants: T DEUCE ME AND MY TEAM SEWED THEM ALL SHUT deuce: T PANTS BY SURGICAL MEANS OR BY ROYAL DECREE pants: T DEUCE THEY MUST MAKE DO WITH THEIR GASHES FROM NOW ON deuce: T PANTS SHIT THAT'S SOME SERIOUS WORK pants: T DEUCE WE WERE UP ALL NIGHT deuce: T PANTS WHEN DID YOU DO THAT ???? I THINK YOU JUST DREAMED THIS pants: T DEUCE SANTA CLAUS WAS BROUGHT IN FOR CONSULTING deuce: T PANTS 10-4

uncredited bunny: HEY MAN ARE YOU OKAY pants: THAT MOVIE WITH AL PACINO WHERE HE YELLS A LOT

deuce: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU deuce: AND A ONE AND A TWO AN

dick: SNEEZING SO HARD I'M GETTING DIZZY HERE PEOPLE dick: BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS I'LL ALREADY BE GAY dick: GUESS WHO'S NAKED deuce: LOOK WHO'S JERKING TOO

deuce: I'M A BYTE ORDER MARK deuce: USE ME WISELY

ozone: 8543515 BYTES RECEIVED IN 18.5 SECONDS (461904 BYTES/S) deuce: YOU KEEP SAYING THAT KIND OF STUFF ozone: WONDER WHY ALL THE 4.4 DERIVED CLIENTS GIVE BYTES/S deuce: I'M GAY ozone: WE KNOW deuce: JUST CHECKING

atandt: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN pants: I LOST MY LIGHTER atandt: BOYS AND GIRLS pants: IT'S ORANGE atandt: COLORFUL TWINKLING LIGHTS pants: IF YOU FIND IT LET ME KNOW (THANKS)

deuce: T PANTS THE STORE WAS OUT OF THE REGULAR BRAND OF CAT LITTER I USE SO I HAD TO GRAB THE PILE OF C. 1999 HUSTLERS AND SHRED THEM TO MAKE UP FOR IT, WRITE BACK

pants: MY CUNT IS FULL OF LADYBUGS deuce: YOU DON'T HAVE A CUNT pants: BUT pants: WHERE DID ALL THESE LADYBUGS COME FROM deuce: GHALGLUAGHULAG

spigot: PLEASE ADDRESS MY PENIS AS CRYPTO'S GOLDEN BOY

spigot: JOIN THE COMICS RETAILERS ARTISTS / PUBLISHERS WEBRING !!!!!!!!!! spigot: SIR THAT SPELLS "CRAP" AND HANGING UP NOW spigot: SQUEEZING, STARING

pants: I THINK JEFFREY EPSTEIN DID KILL HIMSELF deuce: DO NOT ATTRIBUTE TO MALICE WHAT CAN BE ATTRIBUTED TO COOL RANCH FLAVORED DORITOS

pants: T DEUCE GIVE ME HEAD IN THE SAUNA deuce: UMM pants: C'MON deuce: HMMM

spigot: did you know indonesia is at a crossroads spigot: it is

pants: WE HAVE TO **PICK UP ALL THE LITTER** AT **THE BEACH** pants: C'MON EVERYBODY!!!!!!!! pants: BLACK GARBAGE BAGS AND FLOPPY HATS pants: OVERALLS AND A STICK WITH A NAIL AT THE END pants: A HILL??????? GETTING BACK ON THE BUS TO THE DILDO POLISHING ACADEMY

spigot: QUITTING JERKCITY AND WAITING TABLES spigot: OUR SPECIAL TODAY IS MY PRICK IN YOUR FAT FACE WITH A CAESAR SALAD pants: WE ARE PREDICTING THIRD STAGE SHUTDOWN AT ELEVEN MINUTES THIRTY-TWO SECONDS

pants: I HAVE SEENDEUCE'S MANCUNT deuce: IT IS MADE OF CHEDDAR pants: VERY UPSET pants: IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SWISS deuce: LET'S MAKE IT GOUDAAND CALL IT A WRAP

pants: call it friendo spigot: friendo is actually culturally insensitive, we prefer retardo (with a hard R) or fagface (with 2 long spluttery limpwristed F's)

deuce: I AM A STATIC_CAST deuce: PUNCH ME IN MY TITS AND CALL ME SALLY

pants: THESE BALLS AREN'T SO SCARY AFTER ALL pants: LOOK AT THEM THEY'RE SO CUTE AND OWWWWW GOD GET THEM OFF pants: OWWWWW CALL OFF YOUR BALLS WHOA HEY OWWWW

pants: OKAY IT TURNS OUT DRINKING OTHER PEOPLE'S BLOOD IS FRAUGHT WITH HEALTH RISKS AND ISSUES SO I'M GOING TO BE THE VAMPYRE THAT DRINKS DOUBLE ICED MOCHAS

pants: SENTENCED TO FIRST TIME ANAL deuce: CALLING ALL CARS, CALLING ALL CARS pants: SON OF A DICKS

spigot: HANDS UP WHO'S A FUCKING QUEER pants: QUEER HERE spigot: OKAY PEOPLE IT'S 4:30 IN THE MORNING AND I'M STILL A COMPLETE FAGGOT spigot: THIS BETTER WEAR OFF

pants: STOP CRYING !!! I TOLD YOU I WAS A COCKSUCKER FROM THE BEGINNING !!! YOU SAW THAT ISSUE OF MAXIM UNDER MY COUCH pants: YOU CAN WATCH ME LICK DICK BUT YOU HAVE TO STAY OUTSIDE THE STALL FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY !!! YOU COULD LOSE A LIMB BECAUSE I'M LIKE A MACHINE WHEN I GET GOING pants: I SAID STOP CRYING !!! JUST HOLD STILL AND LET ME GET DOWN TO BUSINESS !!! THIS TIME I'M ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN AND YOU'RE THE FARMER'S DAUGHTER

pants: I MISS MOM AND DAD pants: I HATE CAMP pants: OH HI deuce: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING IN MY BEDROOM

deuce: LOL @ HIV pants: DOO DAH / DOO DAH

spigot: LADY YOUR APARTMENT LOOKS LIKE A CHEAP HOLIDAY INN IN BAKERSFIELD pants: GIANT RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK WAREHOUSE FULL OF SOBBING ASIAN WHORES spigot: QUIET DOWN IN THERE WHOEVER YOU ARE (BANGING ON RANDOM CRATES WITH A FLASHLIGHT) deuce: CORNER OF HOUSE WITH CURTAINS DRAWN TO SEPARATE FROM OTHER CAMWHORES, REPEATEDLY STOPPING ACTION AND LOOKING OFF-CAMERA TO ARGUE WITH SIBLING/PARENT/PIMP

deuce: FUCKING SHUT YOUR CAKE HOLE pants: CAN DO pants: WAIT I WASN'T TALKING pants: BUT I AM NOW pants: DARN

pants: T DEUCE CAN I EAT IT deuce: T PANTS YOU CAN TRY SIR

pants: CAN I CHOKE MYSELF???????????? pants: NOT EFFECTIVELY

spigot: :LOCK: THIS PENIS IS ONLY AVAILABLE TO SUBSCRIBERS spigot: OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW spigot: OW OW OW OW OW OW OW spigot: OW OW OW spigot: CAN I CALL YOU BACK I'M GETTING A BJ FROM A LANGOLIER

spigot: I HAVE LEARNED THE VALUE OF SIMPLY BEING MYSELF spigot: CAN I COME BACK TO THE GAY CLUB OR HAVE I BEEN EXCLUDED

deuce: CAN I GO NOW pants: NO deuce: FINE deuce: (FROWNS, FOLDS ARMS)

spigot: CAN I PLEASE JOIN YOU GUYS IN STALL 2 spigot: I BROUGHT CONDIMENTS spigot: SOME A-1 AND MUSTARD AND SO FORTH spigot: PLUS SOUR SAUCE

pants: NOW YOU GOT THE JUICE

pants: DO WIENERDOGS EVEN HAVE WIENERS pants: WHAT PART DO I SUCK, THE WIENER PART OR THE WHOLE THING OR pants: PLEASE SEND THE NATIONAL GUARD

pants: I CAN'T SEE pants: SEND THE NATIONAL GUARD pants: JUST DON'T THROW ME IN THE BRIAR PATCH (MMMM YEAH SO CRUISY MMMMM DUH MMMM MOO MMMMMM)

spigot: I OPENED THE FRIDGE AND A CAN OF SODA ROLLED OUT AND HIT THE FLOOR AND NOW I KNOW HOW MY PENIS FEELS

spigot: CAN SYSADMINS SEE I'M SUCKING DICK IF I'M INSIDE A VENV

spigot: CAN WE AFFORD NOT TO SUPPORT CLONING PROSTITUTES

deuce: CAN WE ALL CHOKE IT DOWN OR NO spigot: I VOTE WE CAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: CHOKE IT ON DOWN spigot: THAT IS

spigot: CAN WE DO A KICKSTARTER TO TEAR DOWN THE OATMEAL'S TESLA MUSEUM

spigot: CAN WE HOLD HANDS AND PROCLAIM WE'RE AN OPEN SOURCE COMMUNITY spigot: DICKS THEN spigot: ?!?!??!?!!?!?!

spigot: CAN WE JUST NOT FIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOG AND THE CAT ANYMORE pants: I WOULD LIKE SOME PIE PLEASE spigot: SOILING MYSELF spigot: ME AGAIN pants: I SAID PIE IT'S LIKE YOU PEOPLE DON'T LISTEN

spigot: CAN WE JUST SAY I HAVE COMBINATION SKIN AND LEAVE IT AT THAT spigot: HELLO spigot: LOOKING FOR GAY GAGS AND QUEER ZINGERS spigot: SENSING A LITTLE JUDGEMENT FROM YOU HOMOPHOBES spigot: HOMOPHOBES ARE WORDS WHICH SOUND THE SAME BUT ARE SPELLED G-A-Y

deuce: ABHGLBHALUBHGABH deuce: CAN WE LICK IT ??!?!?! pants: YEAH HUALGHLAGHLUAHG deuce: OR DO WE HAVE TO SUCK IT AGAIN pants: DO WHAT YOUR HEART TELLS YOU TO DO

pants: can we peek in the box to see if the kitty is okay deuce: if you do then you will destroy the Universe

deuce: CAN WE TALK? spigot: ABOUT DICK deuce: THAT'S ALL IT IS WITH YOU

pants: T DEUCE CAN WORDS MAKE WISHES COME TRUE deuce: T PANTS IN SOME CASES, YES deuce: FOR INSTANCE: "DON'T TELL YOUR PARENTS OR I'LL KILL YOU"

spigot: CAN YOU BELIEVE WE KILLED COMMANDER Q'UACKIM SALAMI AND K'OTAKU AL-HULLABALOO

spigot: JERKCITY.CGI WAS NOT FOUND ON THIS SERVER pants: HELLO spigot: HYPERVENTILATING pants: IS THIS THING ON spigot: CALLING THE ENCLAVE pants: HELLLLOOOOOO