if only

"if only" | Monday, January 20, 2014 | No. 5,470
pants: IT'S TIME FOR AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM PANTS
pants: I AM NOT OF YOUR EARTH
pants: MY FATHER, JOR-EL, ROCKETED ME FROM PLANET KRYPTON BEFORE IT EXPLODED
pants: HERE, UNDER YOUR YELLOW SUN, I HAVE SUPERHUMAN POWERS
pants: BUT I KNOW THAT WITH GREAT POWER LIES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY
pants: THE TEAM WITH THE MOST TICKETS REMAINING IS GAY WITH CCHAT.EXE
pants: CONTOL THE MAJORITY OF THE OBJECTIVES TO DRAIN THE ENEMY'S BALLS
pants: EACH KILL COSTS THE ENEMY TEAM A TRIP TO THE ICE CREAM SUNDAE BAR







Tomorrow
"literally mansplained" featuring spigot




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Est. 1998
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Cosmic forces (otherwise known as "bonghits") are at work here.
Jerkcity was not supposed to have continued through 2017.
It should be clear to all that mistakes were made somewhere.