BoneQuest No. 9669

spigot: I MADE COFFEE BUT ALL WE HAVE IS 2% MILK, DO I KILL MYSELF OR TRY TO MAKE IT WORK AND THEN KILL MYSELF
pants: WHICH SIDE OF THE SPECTRUM ARE YOU ON: 1% OR HEAVY WHIPPING CREAM
spigot: WHAT I DID WAS GET A HUGE GLASS, AND DOSE AN ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF MILK TO COFFEE (WHICH I DELIBERATELY MADE STRONG) UNTIL THE MIX WAS SUITABLY CREAM-AND-COFFEE COLORED (NOT TOO DARK)
spigot: ADDED SUGAR, POURED A REASONABLE AMOUNT OF THE MIX INTO A COFFEE CUP AND WHAT I ACHIEVED EXCEEDED MY EXPECTATIONS, SO I MADE IT WORK AND I WILL KILL MYSELF LATER
pants: BORED