spigot: N ARE FOR NUTS

deuce: @SPIGOT WANNA LICK DICK spigot: @DEUCE N BUT PLEASE RT

spigot: LET'S JUST SAY READING YOUR BLOG HELPS ME NADD OFF TO SLEEP

spigot: SORRY FOR THE SPAM, BUT: spigot: COCKS spigot: COCKS spigot: COCKS spigot: COCKS spigot: COCKS spigot: COCKS deuce: I'M POSTING TO NEWS.ADMIN.NET-ABUSE.MISC ABOUT THIS

net: DID SOMEBODY SAY NET deuce: NO dick: NOPE

spigot: T PANTS HOW CAN THEY AFFORD TO JUST GIVE 3D SMILIES AWAY LIKE THAT (IN PACKS EVEN) pants: T SPIGOT NAFTA

spigot: WHY DON'T YOU STAND NAKED IN FRONT OF A MIRROR AND APPLAUD YOURSELF FOR FIFTEEN/TWENTY MINUTES

spigot: HOLY CHRIST JUST DONGS EVERYWHERE AND SO SUDDENLY -- POKING AND WHAPPING ME -- IT'S LIKE I'M RUNNING BACKWARDS NAKED THROUGH A CORNFIELD

pants: OH OH OH CHECK THIS OUT: pants: BAHHHHHHHH (NANNY GOAT) pants: ISN'T THAT COOL

deuce: I JUST CHANGED MY BEDSHEETS!!!! TIME FOR A FUCKING NAP

spigot: if i'm not licking dick i'm napping between dicks

spigot: DO YOU KNOW WHAT NASA STANDS FOR ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? spigot: ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? spigot: NEED ANOTHER SEVEN PENISES IN MY MOUTH

spigot: I'D LIKE TO SEE NASA/HUBBLE'S PHOTOS OF THE JERKCITY GALAXY pants: DROPPING MY DICK LIKE THE MIC pants: THOMP pants: SQUEEEEE

pants: HISSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSS (NATIONAL ANTHEM) GOOD MORNING CHANNEL 41 VIEWERS

spigot: ALL NPR TALKS ABOUT IS WEIRD WARRING CULTURES THROWING DIRT CLODS AT ONE ANOTHER!!!!!! LITTLE OR NOTHING TO DO WITH BRITNEY'S HOME PHONE / WHETHER SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND / HER LAUNDRY HAMPER

spigot: I GET NERVOUS SOMETIMES THAT I'M GOING TO CHOKE AND THROW UP IN THE CAB deuce: I UNDERSTAND THAT deuce: IT'S A NATURAL REACTION TO SUCKING DICK spigot: THIS ISN'T THE WAY TO MY HOUSE

deuce: THE BEST PART ABOUT UNIX IS THAT SPELLED BACKWARD IT READS "NAZI"

spigot: TONIGHT'S TOPIC: NAZI GERMANY pants: WAS HITLER RIGHT OR JUST GOOD-LOOKING

pants: HULAGHULAH pants: LUAHLAHULHALAG pants: AHG&LAH pants: SPIT SPIT SPIT HOLD ON OKAY GO pants: HULAGHULAH pants: GLUAHGLU pants: HULAHHULAG pants: NINE DEAD NURSES

spigot: T PANTS I'M SORRY I WAS STANDING ON THE HOSE THAT KEPT JERKCITY UP AND RUNNING spigot: I WILL THEREFORE BE RETURNING YOUR TICKETS TO CATS AND YOUR "AMATEUR LOADS OF FUN VOLUME 4" TAPE spigot: ARCING URINE NEAR AND FAR

: Meanwhile, back in Jerkcity... pants: I NEED TO KNOW IF YOU ARE MINT OR NEAR MINT spigot: I HAVE HOLES POKED IN ME RENDERING ME USELESS TO COLLECTORS

pants: MY BALLS IN A ZOO pants: FEED THEM PEANUTS pants: TURN THE PLASTIC KEY IN THE HOLE, HEAR A STORY ABOUT THEIR NATIVE LAND spigot: THEY'RE NEARLY EXTINCT SO YOU'D BETTER PUSH THEM IN YOUR FACE

spigot: WHENEVER I GLANCE AT MY DONG IT IS NEARLY NOON spigot: MAKE THAT 6:30

pants: I NEED A HUG deuce: I WILL GIVE YOU ONE WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE

atandt: MARRY ME spigot: ALSO PLEASE VISIT JERKCITY (NEED HITS)

deuce: UNABLE TO MAKE PAYROLL DUE TO SVB FAILURE pants: BEEP pants: BEEP pants: BEEP pants: IS THAT THE GAY ALARM OR THE LOW BATTERY ALARM FOR THE GAY ALARM pants: :ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT: NEED KNOW INFO :ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT:

pants: need know info deuce: no info available pants: need know tho

spigot: WHY WOULD I RUN GIMP WHEN I'VE GOT BANNERMANIA RIGHT HERE spigot: T PANTS NEED S/N

deuce: CAN WE LICK OR WHAT deuce: THEN CAN WE START PLEASE pants: I THINK SO YES deuce: I AM NOT TRYING TO BE PUSHY I JUST NEED SOMETHING LICKED, NEED TO LICK

spigot: NEED TO TAKE A SHIT spigot: NOT SURE IF I SHOULD DO IT ON THAT ONE LADY'S DESK spigot: OR THAT OTHER LADY'S FACE spigot: ASKING LADY 1 TO PUT HER FACE ON LADY 2'S DESK spigot: WELL NOW I DON'T HAVE TO SHIT ANYMORE spigot: WAIT HERE GOES spigot: SIGH!!!!! WHERE DID LADY 1 GO spigot: I CAN'T BE TAKING TWO SHITS, ONE OVER HERE AND WAY OVER THERE

spigot: WAKE UP spigot: NEED YOU TO GET A JOB SO YOU CAN KEEP MY FACE FILLED WITH DICK spigot: COULDN'T HELP NOTICING MY NUTS RIGHT THERE IN YOUR FUCKING FACE

pants: i'm a small bash script deuce: I'm invoking you because you have a bangpath and are executable pants: also i'm needlessly brief and i have no error handling deuce: chmod +x pants

atandt: YOU DON'T BRING ME FLOWERS atandt: YOU DON'T SING ME LOVE SONGS spigot: FOREVER IN BLUE JEANS atandt: CRACKLIN' ROSIE spigot: AMERICA atandt: SONG SUNG BLUE spigot: UH spigot: HELLO AGAIN atandt: GIRL, YOU'LL BE A WOMAN SOON spigot: SWEET CAROLINE atandt: KENTUCKY WOMAN spigot: UH spigot: UH CRAP atandt: YOU HAVE FAILED spigot: I KNOW atandt: BE GAY WITH ME

spigot: FOLKS I INVENTED NEITHER THE N-WORD NOR WEIRD AL deuce: I THOUGHT I'D BLAME YOU ANYWAY

deuce: THE NATTERING NABOBS OF THE NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDS

atandt: I GET NERVOUS WHEN GERMAN LEADERS QUIETLY GATHER ON THE CHANCELLORY deuce: I LIKED THE NEVERENDING STORY TOO spigot: HAVING NEVER STUDIED HISTORY OR POLITICS I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT OR WHAT A CHANCELLORY IS atandt: I LIKE PIE spigot: NOW WE'RE STARTING TO COMMUNICATE

pants: NETSPLIT ????????? deuce: I SEE YOU pants: HELP I AM OVER HERE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE NET deuce: TIME DILATED, REDSHIFTED pants: HELP HELP I AM TRAPPED OR STUCK OR SOMETHING AND ALL I CAN DO IS MOVE MY MOUTH/LIPS deuce: STOP WAVING YOUR ARMS

spigot: OH MY GOD MY HEAD IN THE FISHTANK IN FRONT OF MILLIONS OF NETCENTER VISITORS

deuce: NO CARL GUSTAV AGAINST INFANTRY

deuce: MY DONG deuce: A NETFLIX ORIGINAL

uncredited woman: DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING THAT'S LIKE NETFLIX BUT FOR DICKS uncredited woman: WHAT I'M SAYING IS THAT I WANT TO RENT DICKS ON THE INTERNET WITH NO LATE FEES uncredited woman: AS I RETURN EACH USED DICK THE NEXT IS AUTOMATICALLY SELECTED FROM THE DICK QUEUE uncredited woman: OVER TIME THE SERVICE WILL LEARN MY DICK PREFERENCES AND WITH THE HELP OF ITS ADVANCED DICK ALGORITHM IT WILL SELECT NEW DICKS I MIGHT LIKE uncredited woman: WITTY 1980S MYSTERY DICKS uncredited woman: HISTORICAL DICKS FEATURING A STRONG MALE LEAD uncredited woman: DARK FIGHT-THE-SYSTEM SCI FI DICKS uncredited woman: GRITTY DRAMATIC DICKS uncredited woman: PERHAPS SOME SORT OF DICK RENTAL KIOSK COULD ALSO BE EMPLOYED uncredited woman: PLEASE ADVISE deuce: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU uncredited woman: SO MANY THINGS

deuce: I WRITE 'NET WITH AN APOSTROPHE spigot: I CALL THEM CYBERTOONZ pants: I HAVE THE RUNS

spigot: IF YOU COULD PLEASE JUST spigot: HURF spigot: FORCIBLY JERKED

spigot: HURRBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUB HORK HURLUP spigot: NEVER AGAIN spigot: HURBLURBLURBLURBLURBLURBLUR COCKS HONK

spigot: SHOULD I ACTUALLY GO TO WORK TODAY OR GO EAT CREPES UNTIL 5PM spigot: IF WE'RE ALL REAL QUIET WE CAN HEAR PANTS THROWING UP spigot: HURRBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUB HORK HURLUP spigot: NEVER AGAIN spigot: HURBLURBLURBLURBLURBLURBLUR COCKS HONK

spigot: WELPS I'M LOGGIN OUT AND NEVER COMING BACK BECAUSE I JUST GOT MAIL SAYING SOMEONE HAS AN E-CRUSH ON ME!!!!! spigot: LATER ***LOSERS***

pants: OKAY BUT I’M NEW AT THIS AND I’VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE pants: LET’S USE STALL #2 pants: IT’S SOMEWHAT CLEANER AND THERE’S NO SPIDERS

pants: IS THIS GOING INTO THE STRIP (LET ME FIX MY HAIR) deuce: TO PROVE MY HOW STRAIGHT I AM I FUCK MEN IN THE ASS (AND FACE) pants: AND LICK THESE FOUR DICKS pants: I MEAN S-SEVEN !!! deuce: SPENT pants: I CANNOT COUNT THAT HIGH AND HAVE ROLLED OVER pants: THEREFORE I OWE YOU A NICKEL deuce: TO -30537573 pants: NO JUST 000000 deuce: SIX DIGITS AND YET HE CAN ONLY COUNT TO SEVEN

atandt: HE SAID HE WAS A PENGUIN THEN ATTACKED MY DICK AND BALLS COMBO WITH PECKING AND SQUAWKING hanford: PANTS SAID (AND I'M QUOTING HERE) "I CAN'T BEAT OFF UNLESS HER MASCARA IS RUNNING" atandt: NEVER GET OUT OF THE BOAT hanford: NEVER APPROACH THE NEST atandt: MAKING LOVE TO A MUPPET hanford: GO WEST YOUNG MEN (ALL AT ONCE LIKE A PILE OF HAMSTERS)

pants: IT'S COLD AT THE WINDY BUS STOP pants: CLAMPING DOWN, NEVER LETTING GO pants: EVERYBODY INTO THE FISTING SLING

pants: NO COME BACK pants: I'M SORRY pants: I SWEAR I'LL NEVER MAKE FUN OF YOUR INFERIOR DICKSUCKING ABILITIES AGAIN

pants: SO IF I'M FUCKING A FISH AND pants: NEVERMIND, JUST ANSWERED MY OWN QUESTION

deuce: WHOA HEY CHECK OUT MY DICK (POINTS) deuce: HEY HEY DICK HERE (STILL POINTING) deuce: SOMEONE TAKE A PICTURE (POINT POINT POINT) deuce: NEVER MIND deuce: IT'S JUST MY NIPPLE

pants: i can see Vera Farmiga as lydia but i am not sure about Jon Bernthal as johnny-boy pants: it's easier to talk like woody harrelson in true detective if you never move your lower jaw when speaking pants: welp i'm all done causing a ruckus for the day, back to my tent under the overpass

rands: UNCONSCIOUS GIRLS NEVER SAY NO !!!! pants: YOU'RE A LONG WAY FROM YOUR BLOG AREN'T YOU

pants: WHY DID TODAY'S BONEQUEST GET TAGGED WITH #LOU-REED pants: NEVERMIND I DON'T CARE pants: STAMPS OUT CIGAR pants: DEPRESSED J. JONAH JAMESON DOESN'T REALLY GIVE A SHIT IF YOU GET PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN OR NOT, NOTHING MATTERS

deuce: TIME TO TEST MY NEW BOOTDISKS PEOPLE spigot: GET BACK HERE AND WATCH MTV WITH ME spigot: AEON COCKS

spigot: GUESS WHAT I AM: HONK CLONK SLURP BONK DUH spigot: HINT: THE UN-COLA spigot: ANSWER: A HARDON spigot: A HARDON

deuce: NEW FOR YOU AT AMAZON.COM: NANCY DREW deuce: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP SENDING ME THIS FOR

pants: sitting in the dark, daring you to beat me off deuce: you need some new gags pants: no i don't think i do

spigot: TAKE A QUICK PIC OF ME IN FRONT OF THIS WALL PAINTED EXACTLY THE COLOR OF A CORN DOG

spigot: HUG LUG CHUBBY MEN HURF spigot: NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT

deuce: MY NEW PORN NAMEIS CYTOKINE STORM

deuce: LOOK, NEW RULE deuce: NO DICKSUCKING FOR 24 HOURS deuce: OKAY SUSPENDING NEW RULE (SUCK THIS)

deuce: LOOK: NO DICKSUCKING FOR 24 HOURS deuce: NEW RULE deuce: OKAY SUSPENDING NEW RULE (SUCK THIS)

spigot: "THE ANTICS AREN'T NEARLY AS CUTE AS THE FILM THINKS THEY ARE" spigot: EBERT DID NOT LIKE SCHINDLER'S LIST pants: NEW RULE: LESBIANS AREN'T CONSIDERED GAY effigy: YA, GAY TAKES WORK. pants: GAY MEANS KNOBBY DICKS AND SMOOTH ASIAN BOYS effigy: NODS WISELY

spigot: CHECK OUT MY NEW KICKS!!! pants: THAT MEANS SHOES pants: ARE THOSE spigot: APPLE-CINNAMON BEAR CLAWS FROM HAPPY DONUTS

deuce: [MASTER CAUTION] deuce: [MASTER ALARM] deuce: [MAIN BUS UNDERVOLT] deuce: [O2 PRES. LOW] deuce: [NEW SILENT KEY AVAILABLE] deuce: [REENTRY SHIELD FAILURE] deuce: NOW IT'S FULL SCALE HIGH

spigot: I SAY WE INVESTIGATE KENNETH STARR'S PERSONAL LIFE!!!!!!!!! spigot: IS IT TOO LATE FOR THAT COMMENT spigot: FOLKS I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS ANITA HILL THING spigot: HURRRR spigot: WASHINGTOONS!!!!!!!! CLICK HERE

pants: HLUAGHULUHALGAG NOM NOM NOM pants: OM NOM NOM NOM GAHULGUHALG BUHLUHLAGHLAHGAG pants: THOSE TWO THINGS DON'T MIX WELL

spigot: IF YOU WERE SERIOUS ABOUT LOSING WEIGHT YOU'D KEEP SUCKING

deuce: WOOK I'FF GOD A MEDOW BAW STUKH IMMY TUNGH deuce: SLURP SMACK DUH CLICK RAKE DUH AIN IN COO deuce: SLURP SMACK DUH

spigot: come on you guys it's news spigot: what's cooler and more interesting than the news deuce: t spigot dicks deuce: t spigot horses deuce: t spigot paint deuce: t spigot rice deuce: t spigot do you want more exammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

deuce: THEY SAY YOU SHOULD LET YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS KNOW deuce: HOW MUCH YOU CARE ABOUT THEM OFTEN deuce: BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOUR TIME IS UP deuce: WELL I JUST GOT A CALL FROM MY DOCTOR deuce: SO I'D LIKE TO SAY FOR THE RECORD deuce: WITH ALL MY CLOSE FRIENDS HERE deuce: FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU spigot: PEOPLE WHO BEAT OFF TO LAUREN PHOENIX ARE CALLED LAUREN PHOENICIANS deuce: I HAVE AN EAR INFECTION

spigot: THE CYBERARTS

pants: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I DON'T KNOW GO READ A NEWSPAPER OR SOMETHING

spigot: HOMPH HOMPH HOMPH NEXT HOMPH HOMPH HOMPH NEXT HOMPH HOMPH HOMPH spigot: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

spigot: PRETEND I'M THE 54 TO WESTGATE AND YANK MY DONG AND SAY NEXT STOP spigot: THEN I CAN PRETEND NOT TO HEAR AND KEEP DRIVING WHILE YOU CONTINUE TO YANK IT spigot: YOU HEARD ME

atandt: WHEN I READ JERKCITY I BECOME TUMESCENT pants: NEXT TIME PUT HIM UP ON THE CROSS AND KEEP HIM THERE

spigot: NEXT TIME WE'RE IN THE CITY WE'RE NOT GOING TO THE BUTT WAGON spigot: AND I REALLY MEAN THAT spigot: ARE THEY EVEN OPEN THIS LATE

deuce: MY GOD HAS A CHECK NEXT TO YOUR NAME

pants: HOW DID YOU GUYS DO DURING NO-FART FEBRUARY deuce: I GAVE IT UP FOR LENT

deuce: Marquess of Cockville pants: charmed i'm sure (flaps paper fan) deuce: nice frilly ruffles you big ponce pants: powdered wig, fake mole on cheek

pants: I'M A JIZZ BUG deuce: I'M A JIZZ BUG SQUASHER deuce: NICE TO MEET YOU, JIZZ BUG pants: HOWDY

pants: GET OFFA ME deuce: GRRRRRRR spigot: OFER pants: MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS AND POW deuce: IT JUST CRAMS RIGHT UP THERE FUCKER pants: HONK deuce: SUCK IT UP CHIEF

hanford: WHO ISN'T STONED? (SHOW OF HANDS) deuce: ARF pants: QVACK hanford: FUCKERS

pants: /NICK PIGLET spigot: G G G GHOSTS pants: /NICK PISSPIG

pants: HLUAGHALGHALGHLAUAGH pants: WAS RE: DICKS deuce: DICKS

deuce: TOOT TOOT deuce: I'M SWIMMING deuce: OKAY NOW I'M SINKING deuce: GLUG GLUG GLUG deuce: HEY THIS IS NO FUN ANYMORE

spigot: THE ANCIENT WISDOM OF THE ELDERS spigot: HURR MY NIGHT-TIME MOUTH GUARD SO I DON'T GRIND MY TEETH spigot: JUST PUT A PENIS IN THERE LADY

pants: I BEAT OFF NIGHTLY deuce: AWESOME

atandt: IS TOILETSTL EVEN YOUR REAL NAME pants: REMEMBER WHEN YOU SAID NINE DICKS NINE TIMES AND WE HAD A FIGHT THAT ENDED WITH YOU THROWING THE CALCULATOR AT ME ??? GOOD TIMES

spigot: BILL NYE DON'T GOTTA CUSS IN HIS RAPS TO SELL RECORDS pants: NEED 9 MORE KINDS OF MUSTARD FOR THE FRIDGE DOOR

pants: SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR BONEQUEST 9000

pants: I WILL BE GAY NINE TIMES OUT OF NINE pants: IS THIS THE REAL SUPREME COURT pants: OR JUST YOUR FAKE LIVING ROOM COURT AGAIN deuce: OBJECTION

: August 17, 2007 : Dear Reader, : Regarding the correct operation of the machine: We suggest that you review the printed information which accompanied it. : Sincerely yours, : Jerkcity : p.s. Now we are nine. (Today is Jerkcity's birthday.) : p.p.s. The one on the left is "Deuce" pants: COCKS deuce: YOU BE QUIET

deuce: I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE A HEART TO HEART ABOUT YOUR PACKAGE (ADDRESSED TO NO ONE IN PARTICULAR) pants: NITRITES ARE DIFFERENT THAN NITRATES

pants: [EXPLETIVE DEPICTING SEXUAL ACT] deuce: ARE WE READING THE NIXON TAPES NOW pants: THAT WAS IS REAL????? I THOUGHT IT WAS A MOVIE

spigot: NNNGGGG THE DEW POINT

pants: There's no ass in the whole world like a young Jewish girl who's hooking pants: i'm not speaking fucking chinese am i pants: an unlicked dick has the same number of atoms as a licked dick (stoney-faced asberger's stare)