deuce: WANNA FUK pants: KIIIINDA deuce: ALL RIGHT THEN FILL OUT THIS FORM IN TRIPLICATE AND WAIT 3-6 WEEKS pants: THERE'S NO BETTER TIME TO GET THIS PROCESS STARTED THAN RIGHT NOW

pants: A GOOSE RAN OVER MY GRAVE deuce: SO I FUCKED THAT GOOSE GOOD deuce: (EXPLOSION OF SETTLING FEATHERS, NO BIRD LEFT)

pants: GET ON IT deuce: WOULD YOU CONSIDER BANGING A GONG deuce: OR DONGING A BONG net: OR WANGING A CHUNG deuce: LET'S LIGHT THIS CANDLE deuce: SHITTING A P pants: NO CANDLES (THEY BRING MOTHS)

spigot: CLONK BONK BONK BONK BA-DONK BA-DONK BA-DONK HELLO DONK DONK DONK

deuce: I AM THE THING pants: JOHN CARPENTER'S OR MARVEL COMICS' deuce: A LITTLE FROM COLUMN A AND A LITTLE FROM I{I{XDXD NO CARRIER pants: DON'T WORRY FOLKS HE'LL REDIAL

pants: PLANET AOL spigot: 1175 HOURS FREE FOR 50 DAYS

deuce: *SOME* CUMDODGING ALLOWED spigot: TONY SOPRANOEVALUATING ITON A CASE-BY-CASE BASIS spigot: FIRST OF ALL, IF YOU'RE DODGING: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THIS BUSINESS spigot: NO DISRESPECT

pants: LET'S HAVE IT pants: A ONE AND pants: A TWO AND pants: A THREE pants: BUH DICK

spigot: NOT APPEARING IN JERKCITY AGAIN UNTIL WE INSTITUTE A NO CUM DODGING ALLOWED POLICY spigot: NO EVADING, AVOIDING, ABSTAINING, SIDESTEPPING, ETC. NO GIVING THE SLIP, NO ELUDING OR DEFLECTING/CIRCUMVENTING

pants: OH GREAT THIS ISN'T ANY BETTER EITHER pants: MAYBE IF WE JUST OH CRAP IT HAPPENED AGAIN pants: SOME KIND OF TERRIBLE TASTE TEST INVOLVING PISS AND CAT HAIR

deuce: IT'S A HORRIBLE LIFE (BUT WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD)

deuce: MY .45 ACP SAYS THAT YOU WILL NEITHER "TRICK" NOR "TREAT" pants: PERHAPS "WET" AND "FLEE"

spigot: T PANTS MAYBE DEUCE WILL LEARN THE JAVA FOR US deuce: T SPIGOT IMPOSSIBLE I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DRIVE A CAR spigot: T DEUCE JUST LEARN THE JAVA AND MAIL IT TO ME deuce: T SPIGOT I JUST TOLD YOU I'M A COMPLETE MORON I'M NO HELP WHATSOEVER spigot: THEN EMAIL deuce: OKAY

pants: WILL YOU PLEASE MASTURBATE TO MY FACE deuce: OKAY I CAN DO THAT pants: GET READY TO ROCK STEADY deuce: HOLD IT deuce: HOLD IT deuce: SPENT pants: DO YOU MIND IF I OPEN MY MOUTH WIDE AND WAGGLE MY TONGUE deuce: NO I GUESS NOT

deuce: T PANTS HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING POT pants: NO I HA pants: YES

spigot: HI deuce: NO I WILL NOT GIVE YOU HEAD

spigot: the jerkoff instructions you shared were super helpful, thank you spigot: i'd been jerking ***on*** this whole time spigot: plus i wasn't touching my penis, had no idea that was a thing

spigot: WHILE YOU WERE OUT LICKING DICK, I WAS STUDYING THE BLADE AND LICKING DICK deuce: SO YOU'RE MORE PRODUCTIVE IS WHAT YOU'RE SAYING spigot: NO IDEA WHERE I PUT THAT BLADE

deuce: COULD SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO JERK OFF deuce: I WANT TO GIVE IT A SHOT BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE TO START pants: CAN I PERFORM THEM AS A HIP-HOP SONG

spigot: SOME KIND OF CLAMP SQUEEZING AND STUFFING MY BALLS INTO AN ENVELOPE AND MAILING MYSELF BACK TO JERKCITY ANONYMOUSLY pants: 4000 FOLLOWERS TREAT pants: *** NO IDENT RESPONSE

deuce: AHHH, MY WEEKLY SHOWER deuce: NOW I AM NO LONGER A THREAT TO HUMANITY deuce: FOR A FEW DAYS

spigot: HEIL HITLER LADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: PULLING TROUSERS UP spigot: THEN DOWN AGAIN

pants: ESCAPE CHARACTER IS '^]'. pants: BONERS? pants: CONNECTION CLOSED BY FOREIGN HOST.

spigot: I'M SQUIRTING YOU WITH LIQUID SUNSHINE spigot: I'M JERKIN' OFF ON YOUR FACE spigot: SMILE ALREADY spigot: NOW ACT LIKE YOU DON'T LIKE IT, LIKE THE URINE DISGUSTS YOU spigot: NO LOOKING AT THE CLOCK WHEN YOUR FACE IS FULL OF COCK

deuce: ZSH: NO MATCHES FOUND: THE MOUTH OF PANTS pants: NOOOOOOO

pants: DO NOT BOTHER (I WILL JUST END UP EATING IT)

deuce: SHUT pants: NO MOP IS SAFE FROM MY URINE

dick: UP THAT THING, AMIGO dick: NO FOOLIN dick: RUMBA RUMBA RUMBA dick: OH YEAH dick: JESUS dick: UH-OH dick: HERE COMES OLD MAN MILLER dick: THAT FAG ALWAYS WANTS A BLOW JOB dick: STAND BACK dick: BLOWING dick: BLOWING dick: BLOWING dick: POP! dick: (GLAD THAT'S OVER) dick: WELL THAT'S IT FOR DICK dick: NO MORE dick: ENDING dick: SAD

pants: pray with me deuce: this isn't prayer pants: it is a form of prayer deuce: what am I praying to pants: i think you know deuce: also why are you hovering over me pants: no more questions pants: just prayer

spigot: NO MORE TALK ABOUT HOW MY DOWNLOADS ARE GAY

spigot: EGG FU PRICK spigot: PORK DONGS spigot: DICK STICKERS spigot: LEMON BONERS spigot: WHAT KIND OF FOOD IS THIS

spigot: THE INVITATION SAID POTSTICKERS BUT I GOT THERE AND IT WAS POT**SMOKING** AND PROSTITUTES!!!! WELL YOU CAN BET I PIVOTED RIGHT THERE

spigot: SHE WHIP-WHAPPED MY VISA CARD IN THE CLONKY LITTLE MACHINE IN A WAY THAT SUGGESTED I WAS NOT JUST ANOTHER BLOWJOB ENTHUSIAST spigot: THEN I GUESS SHE FELT WE NEEDED SOME TIME APART???? spigot: SIR MY ARM pants: WE WERE TIPPING THE WHOLE TIME SO THERE'S NO NEED FOR THE ROUGH STUFF

pants: COCKS deuce: NO NO NO deuce: LET'S NOT START THAT AGAIN

spigot: NO OFFENSE BUT PLEASE GO EAT A DICK AND THEN PLANT YOUR FACE IN A PILE OF DOGSHIT (TODAY) spigot: CLEARLY THAT'S NOT A BONG

spigot: NO OFFENSE BUT YOUR MOUTH IS LIKE AN ANCHOR AROUND MY DICK

pants: SO I JIZZED AND IT BURNED THROUGH THE FLOOR AND THEN WE ALL RAN DOWN TO THE DECK BELOW AND IT BURNED THROUGH THAT AND THEN WE RAN DOWN ONE MORE LEVEL AND IT FINALLY STOPPED AND WE'RE LUCKY IT DIDN'T BURN THROUGH THE OUTER HULL pants: NO PART OF ME IS HAPPY ABOUT THIS

spigot: LITERALLY JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING YOU COULD DO ALL OVER MY FACE

spigot: ARE RUSSIAN BOTS PROSTITUTES BECAUSE I SEE NO PROBLEM HERE OR THERE

spigot: WHAT IS THE DEFINITION OF SUCCESS FOR A CINNAMON ROLL? `UM NO RAISINS` [SEND]

pants: keep your eye on my balls deuce: are they about to do something amazi-- pants: no reason in particular, I just think they're neat

pants: FACIAL pants: WHERE CAN I GET A FACIAL pants: A FACIAL FOR MEN THAT IS NOT GAY pants: FIRST TIME FACIAL MEN TOTALLY STRAIGHT NOT GAY BEARD-O pants: MEN'S FACE CARE NOT GAY pants: FACIAL FOR A MAN WITH A BEARD NO PISS NOT GAY pants: +FACIAL -"STAR WARS" -"LORD OF THE RINGS" -"AVOCADO TOAST" pants: PLEASE WRITE BACK ONLY HERE UNTIL SATURDAY

deuce: YES SIR IT'S ME spigot: HI!!!!! deuce: WORD UP !!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: STRAIGHT UP !!!!!!!!!!! spigot: T DEUCE WILL THERE EVER BE A RAINBOW?????????? *BEEP* deuce: UHHHHHHHHHHHHH spigot: EXPLAIN THE JIZZ ALL OVER MY FACE spigot: THERE'S NO RIGHT OR WRONG ANSWER

pants: WHERE WILL IT END deuce: ANOTHER HUGE POO pants: THERE IS NO ROOM FOR THE WEAK IN THIS GAY TOILET

deuce: HEY EVERYBODY I STOPPED SMOKING spigot: T DEUCE NOBODY LIKES A QUITTER

atandt: MAKE BUTTER IN MY TROUSERS

.(pants): NO SUCH THING AS A DICK ZOMBIE????? I'LL SHOW THEM pants: THE WORLD NEEDS MORE THAN ONE TARDBLOG pants: THINK OF ALL THE POSSIBILITIES: TARDBLOGGING, TARDCASTING

spigot: A WORLD WHERE MISTER BEAN IS NO LONGER FREE TO MAKE FUN OF GOING TO CHURCH????????? NO THANK YOU

spigot: NO THANKS, I DON'T LIKE TO POO IN MY PANTS. spigot: HURRR SMOOSHED FLAT AND SQUARE INTO THE SIDE OF THE STALL LIKE ONE OF STEVEN SODERBERGH'S VINTAGE LENSES spigot: NINE ERECTIONS REMAINING

pants: THE MIGHTY BUFFALO pants: T DEUCE HEY YOU GOT ANY SHIRTS THAT NEED STARCH OR ANY RAILROADS YOU NEED BUILT pants: MAYBE AN OPIUM DEN NEEDS MANAGEMENT TYPES deuce: WHAT DID I MISS

atandt: WE SHOULD LICK LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW deuce: I THINK WE SHOULD SUCK LIKE IT IS 1999 SO THERE WE OBVIOUSLY DIFFER atandt: I THINK I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO A POSSIBLE COMPROMISE

deuce: DALEKS AND CYBERMEN spigot: MY DONG IS WHAT YOU WOULD CALL "AL DENTE"

pants: FORCED ANAL pants: T DEUCE NO WAIT pants: ANAL BY CHOICE

pants: EATING DICK IS LONELY WITH A SPORK deuce: WOW THERE YOU ARE deuce: I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR YOU deuce: ESCORT THE EXECUTIVE OFFICER TO HIS QUARTERS AND LOCK HIM THERE pants: NO WAY

deuce: LGHLAHGLAHGLAHGLAHGLAHGLAHGA pants: GHLAGHLHUALGHALGHULAG pants: MINE'S SMALLER deuce: NO WAY, MINE'S SMALLER pants: PUSH IT SOMEWHAT WELL deuce: YOU SHOULD PROBABLY, MAYBE DO IT; THEREFORE, PUT SOME BUT NOT ALL, OF YOUR BACK INTO IT

pants: YOU MIGHT SAY I'M SANS SERIF IF YOU KNOW WHAT I HURRR pants: VICODIN FOR THE ASS pants: AMBIEN FOR WHAT AILS YA pants: DELICIOUS AFTER DINNER MINTS FOR EVERYTHING ELSE pants: AND YA DON'T STOP pants: IS THAT YOUR DREAMCATCHER pants: I SWEAR I KNOW WHO THE MONSTER IS (pants): WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR

spigot: THAT'S NO WAY TO BEHAVE spigot: HUHHHHHH spigot: PRICKASAURUS FACE

deuce: T SPIGOT THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN TELL ME THAT MY NUTS AREN'T BIGGER THAN YOURS BY AT LEAST A YARD CIRCUMFERENCE

spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN IN SCIENCE??? spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN IN TECH??? spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN ENGINEERS??? spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN MATHEMATICIANS??? spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN SUPERHEROES??? spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN CEO'S ??? spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN DIRECTORS ??? spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN GAME DESIGNERS ?? spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN IN THE WRITER'S ROOM ??? spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN IN COMEDY ??? spigot: IT'S LIKE A BEAUTIFUL DREAM

spigot: nobody cared who I was until I pulled out my dong

spigot: IF YOU LICK A DICKIN THE WOODS spigot: AND NOBODYIS AROUND TO HEAR IT spigot: WHERE DID IT COME FROM

spigot: NOBODY LIKES A QUITTER (IN CURSIVE: 2UITTER)

spigot: ARE YOU USING THE SINGLETON PATTERN spigot: BEATING OFF DOWN THE CHIMNEY deuce: VISITOR PATTERN FOLLOWED BY THE MOLESTING PATTERN pants: NOBODY MOVE NOBODY GET HURT

effigy: MY HEAD HAS CAVED IN deuce: NOW'S MY CHANCE TO LAY EGGS

deuce: OKAY GOING TO BED AND HOPEFULLY I WILL WAKE UP {{{ DEAD }}} deuce: I'M GONNA POO LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS TOMORROW I TELL YOU WHAT deuce: WAIT WAS THAT OUT LOUD deuce: GOTTA GO

pants: whatcha got down there pants: nothing pants: you're dead pants: i mean nobody's dead pants: let's go out to dinner pants: ow you're pushing me pants: you're hurting my arm pants: bye

spigot: T PANTS DIDN'T SEE YOU AT THE MCNUGGET BUDDIES SCRUM deuce: HE WAS BANNED FROM THOSE IN 2021 FOR REASONS THEY ARE NOT LEGALLY ALLOWED TO DISCLOSE pants: I PUT THEM IN MY BOTTOM

spigot: U GOT NOG ROLLED spigot: IN THAT YOU DRANK EGG NOG AND ORDERED EGG ROLLS AND NOW YOU'RE ON THE TOILET IN THE DARK

dick: THE DEEP DARK NIGHT OF MY ASS pants: I HATE COLE PORTER deuce: I'M AN ASSET TAG

deuce: RRRRRRR NONSTOP DIARRHEA

effigy: SOMEONE SHOULD HOOK UP AN NFT FOR SALE FOR EVERY BQ EPISODE pants: BUY NOW BUTTON effigy: [BID NOW] pants: CAN WE LEASE NFTS

spigot: MY NON-VERBAL CHILD pants: HULAHGLAG

deuce: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE SAYING spigot: NONE OF THIS MATTERS

pants: MY BONER IS ALIVE

spigot: CLEAR spigot: QUIT spigot: EX spigot: MAYBE /EX spigot: HOLY GOD I'M TRAPPED IN THE MATRIX deuce: FUCKING SPEAK ENGLISH spigot: DO YOU HAVE NOODLES AT YOUR HOUSE????????? deuce: RAMEN spigot: I JUST NEED A COCK AND A PLACE TO SIT spigot: OH MY WEARY WANDERING ASS

effigy: :HIGH_HEEL: pants: SEE WHAT YOU DID, NOW I HAVE TO BEAT OFF

spigot: i don't blank panels unless they add weight between lines and i don't like spoilers in the title spigot: i don't blank panels. normal complete sentence.

spigot: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY CAN'T WE HAVE NORMAL SEX spigot: PUT YOUR FACE IN THE TOILET AND LET ME POO ON YOU

pants: NORMALIZE FARTING OVER ZOOM spigot: EARLIER THIS QUARTER WE TOUCHED ON YOU EATING YOUR LOSER WAD FOR MY BIG FAKE TITS spigot: HAS THE NEEDLE MOVED ON THAT AT ALL

pants: CAN'T YOU BEAT OFF NORMALLY deuce: NO, I HAVE TO CRY REALLY LOUDLY

pants: WILL YOU SIT WITH ME deuce: ONLY IF YOU WIPE ME (HAVE BEEN NEEDING A WIPE FOR A GOOD THREE HOURS NOW) pants: RAINCHECK deuce: VERY WELL I WILL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER PATRON pants: YOU WON'T HAVE TO LOOK FAR (NOSE AND GLASSES) deuce: IN THE GAHGAHLGAHLGAHLAGHL OF THE GAHLGALHAGHLGAHLGAHLGALHGAHLGA

spigot: if licking dick is wrong i'll just stop doing it, not a big deal

pants: drink from me deuce: you are not a container nor are you a receptacle pants: yet i can hold liquid

spigot: NOT A DAY GOES BY WHERE I DON'T JERK MYSELF UNTIL I GET A STOMACH ACHE

:the: OF NUCLEAR WEAPONS HAS BEEN AUTHORIZED deuce: THIS IS NOT A DRILL

deuce: NOT A GOOD SIGN WHEN YOUR FUCKING FAGGY INHALER COMES WITH THREE REFILLS pants: YOU CAN STILL SMOKE THOUGH RIGHT

pants: I AM NOT A PONY

pants: T DEUCE WHAT DO YOU PROGRAM HTML IN deuce: HTML IS INCREDIBLY COMPLICATED AND QUITE FRANKLY TOO HARD FOR A POOR LITTLE WEB CODER LIKE ME pants: ALSO IS FAG-POINT-OH A REAL VERSION NUMBER deuce: I'M A WEB PROFESSIONAL SLASH GAS METER READER

pants: AND NOT A SINGLE ANIMAL CRACKER ESCAPED PANTS' ATTENTION deuce: AND THE MORNING AND THEN THE FOLLOWING AFTERNOON ON THE WAY TO THE HOSPITAL pants: THE END

spigot: NOT ACCUSING YOU, BUT FIVE PEPPERONI HOT POCKETS ARE MISSING

spigot: HEY EVERYONE!!!! I'M A FUCKING PEDOPHILE AND HERE ARE MY GIFS!!!! FUCK YOU TO THE FBI!!!!!!! spigot: GOOGLE IS NOT AFFILIATED WITH THE AUTHORS OF THIS PAGE NOR RESPONSIBLE FOR ITS CONTENT. deuce: SPIGOT WILL PLAY THE ROLE OF BOTH THE OFFENDING DICKHEAD AND THE GOOGLE CACHE

spigot: I DUNK MY NUTS IN BBQ SAUCE (SOMETIMES HONEY MUSTARD) spigot: BLURF DURF I'M A MCNUGGET pants: ARE YOU GOING TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE OR NOT spigot: NOT AFRAID

pants: MISTER BLUEBIRD / ON MY SHOULDER pants: RAPING HIM pants: I'M GOING TO LICK THESE STONE COLD DICKS pants: POO INSPECTION (HOLD STILL) pants: POO, A BOWL OF pants: T DEUCE MY CANNIBALS HAVE EATEN YOUR MISSIONARIES pants: DIT DIT DIT DOT DOT DOT DIT DIT DIT pants: SAVE OUR SNAUSAGES deuce: NOT AGAIN

spigot: NO MORE FAG MCMUFFINS OR WHATEVER THEY'RE CALLED

spigot: PLAINTIFF IN-N-OUT BURGERS, A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION ("PLAINTIFF" OR "IN-N-OUT") BY AND THROUGH ITS UNDERSIGNED COUNSEL spigot: HAMBURGER SANDWICHES AND CHEESEBURGER SANDIWCHES, HOT COFFEE, AND MILKSHAKES FOR CONSUMPTION ON OR OFF THE PREMISES (IC 030); MILK AND FRENCH FRIED POTATOES FOR CONSUMPTION ON OR OFF THE PREMISES (IC 029); spigot: NOT ANOTHER WORD UNTIL I SEE A LAWYER