pants: I'D FUCK ME deuce: THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAID WHEN I ASKED THIS QUESTION TO YOU A FEW MONTHS AGO deuce: LYING TO THE FBI IS A FELONY pants: FEMALE BODY INSPECTORS ONLY HAVE JURISDICTION AT THE FEDERAL LEVEL, NOT AT STATE spigot: THE GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RETARDS

spigot: LET'S HAVE A FUCKING PARADE spigot: HUHGUHAUHGUHAUHG THE SOUND OF POKING AND CHOKING AND THEM NOT UNDERSTANDING spigot: FACE AGAINST THE TILE, STARING AT NUTS AND BOLTS

pants: FACE DOWN IN THE SHITTER deuce: STUFFED IN A HOLE spigot: PENISES IN YOUR MOUTH MIGHT BE CREATING A PRIVACY NIGHTMARE

pants: I WOULD LIKE ONE (1) FART PLEASE pants: NOT ASKING FOR A LOT HERE spigot: I TRIED BUT COULDN'T deuce: ZERO FARTS GIVEN pants: OOF OW deuce: LET'S FACE IT, IF YOU HAD A FART, YOU'D JUST WASTE IT pants: YEAH

pants: THE DARK PHOENIX SAGA spigot: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT pants: J.K. SIMMONS AS J. JONAH JAMESON spigot: I CANNOT UNDERSTAND pants: FACE IT TIGER YOU HIT THE JACKPOT spigot: YOU LEFT YOUR BONG AT MY MOM'S HOUSE

pants: PLEASE PAINT MY FACE RIGHT UP deuce: WHAT COLOR deuce: WHITE OR RED pants: I WAS THINKING OF A LOVELY TRANSLUCENT EGGWHITE

spigot: JAPANESE AND CHINESE DICKS spigot: LIVING IN HARMONY spigot: I'M READY FOR MY FACE SHOT NOW PLEASE

deuce: I'm a Social Media Influencer effigy: SQUIRPY deuce: I'm feeling one of those coming on effigy: me too, let's facetime

spigot: ITS FACIAL FRIDAY ON SPUNKSITES IF YOU HAVE A SPUNKPASS pants: I ONLY HAVE ALL-ANAL ACCESS spigot: L

pants: I'M FADING FAST pants: ALSO SOMEBODY LEFT MY QUEER CHAIR IN THE RAIN pants: NOW MY JEANS ARE SOAKED

pants: TIME AND TIME AGAIN YOU TALK AND ALL I HEAR AND SEE IS MICKEY MOUSE DANCING WITH THE BOAT IN STEAMBOAT WILLIE pants: YOUR PARENTS CALL EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE BUT I DON'T TELL THEN YOU'RE BURIED IN THE SANTA CRUZ MOUNTAINS INSIDE A CONCRETE-FILLED DRUM pants: I'D EAT THEM TO MAKE THEM A PART OF ME BUT }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} NO CARRIER GOD FUCKING DAMNIT SHIT FUCK GODDAMNIT JESUS CHRIST FUCK

pants: SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU pants: YOU'RE STUPID AND YOU CAN'T SPELL WORDS IN THE ONE LANGUAGE YOU'RE EXPECTED TO KNOW pants: I'D EAT YOU AND MAKE YOU PART OF ME BUT THEN I'D BE A FUCKING LINKIN PARK FAN

pants: HOW ABOUT INSTEAD OF JERKCITY WE CALL THIS THING: FAG UNIVERSITY pants: F-F-F-FAG SCHOOL (DID I STUTTER) pants: EARN A DEGREE IN HLUAGHUALGH ALUAGHULAG BLGHABLGHBNAG FAHLUGHALUGH NUGGGGGGGH

pants: CAN I PLEASE HAVE A FAG HUG deuce: WHAT'S THAT pants: I CANNOT SAY deuce: I SEE

spigot: SO spigot: IS THIS A FAG MUD OR WHAT'S THE DEAL deuce: T SPIGOT I SUSPECT YOU'RE ASKING ALREADY KNOWING THE ANSWER spigot: T DEUCE YES BUT I NEED TO HEAR <<<<YOU>>>> SAY IT deuce: T SPIGOT NOOOOOOOOO

ozone: FAG PARADE deuce: STOP DRINKING ON THE JOB ozone: PARADE == MORE THAN TWO FAGS deuce: EVEN TWO QUALIFIES IF THE FAGS ARE MARCHING IN SOME WAY ozone: THEY HAVE TO HAVE COLORED BANNERS UNLESS THERE ARE TWO OR MORE deuce: DON'T BE RACIST

spigot: GAY GAY GAY IN THE U.S. OF A spigot: I'M A FAG spigot: I'M A FAG spigot: GAY GAY GAY / THAT'S ALL HE HAS TO SAY spigot: HE'S GONNA HAVE A SNICKERS AND A -- deuce: I THINK INSTEAD OF "MISDEMEANOR" MISSY ELLIOT'S MIDDLE NAME SHOULD BE "HUGE FUCKING FATASS" spigot: YOU INTERRUPTED ME deuce: SORRY

pants: GET THE BIG FUCKING FONT OUT: EXCLUSIVE pants: I TOTALLY SAW YOU BUY A FAGGY PINK DRINK AT THE ASHLAND OREGON STARBUCKS (THE ORIGINAL ONE NOT THE NEW ONE OR THE UPCOMING ONE OR THE FOUR MORE PLANNED THROUGH 2007) spigot: T PANTS I SAID PLEASE SHUT UP pants: DEVELOPING...........

pants: ENJOYING MY PAPER CUP OF GIN AND TONIC ON THE TARMAC

spigot: IS THAT A BIG FAT DONG IN YOUR PANTS OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?!?!?!?!?!?! spigot: DON'T CARE JUST FLOP IT OUT REGARDLESS

spigot: JOE CAMEL AND JOE BOXER ARE FAGS TOGETHER (IN BED) spigot: SERIOUSLY PEOPLE THEY'RE BOTH GAY spigot: I'M GOING TO CALL HIM RIGHT NOW deuce: SOMEBODY BETTER spigot: BEEP BOOP BOOP BEEP BEEP BOOP BEEP deuce: IT'S THE ONLY WAY WE LEARN spigot: JOE: THIS IS JOE spigot: ME: HEY SUCK DICK FATTY spigot: JOE: SPIGOT IS THAT YOU spigot: *CLICK*

spigot: T PANTS NOTE HOW "FAGS" AND "FLAGS" RHYME pants: I'M A HIGH FLYING FAG spigot: THAT'S ENOUGH

spigot: FAIL!!!!!!!! HE THREW A GUM WRAPPER AT THE TRASH CAN BUT IT BOUNCED OFF THE EDGE!!!!!!!!! FREEZE FRAME / GOOD WORK EINSTEIN spigot: FAIL!!!!!!!!!! A WORD SPELLED WRONG!!!!!!!! FAIL!!!!!!! IT LOOKS LIKE A DICK IF YOU SQUINT!!!!!!!! FAIL!!!!!!!! spigot: SOMEONE ON FACEBOOK SAID SOMETHING DUMB!!!!!!! FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL PREROLL VIDEO ADS FOR AN ANIMATED GIF YOU SAW 10 YEARS AGO

spigot: H-T-T-P COLON COCKS AND NUTS DUH BUH FACE AND HEAD deuce: DOESN'T WORK

spigot: (STATIC) pants: (POP, HISS) pants: (MORE STATIC) spigot: (CLICKS, FAINT HUMMING SOUND) spigot: T PANTS WHAT ?!!? DID NOT HEAR YOU !??! GETTING STONED OVER ?!!? pants: T SPIGOT IF THE LESSON IS THAT I SHOULD PACK THE BONG TIGHTER I'M WAY AHEAD OF YOU

pants: T DEUCE SO HEY I KNOW YOU PROBABLY GET A LOT OF THESE REQUESTS AND I HOPE I'M NOT BOTHERING YOU BUT I WAS HOPING WE COULD DISCUSS HOW YOU'RE FIXED FOR PRICKS deuce: T PANTS I'M FAIR TO MIDDLIN' deuce: ON A 10 POINT SCALE (1 BEING COMPLETELY UNFIXED FOR PRICKS AND 10 BEING COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY FIXED FOR PRICKS) I'D SAY I'M A 6, MAYBE A 7

spigot: GORE CALLS FOR FAIRNESS IN FLORIDA spigot: I THINK THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENING IN FLORIDA MISTER EIGHT YEARS OF TAKING A BACK SEAT TO CLINTON'S COCK FOLLOWED BY LOSING TO COUNTRY BUMPKIN

pants: i wonder if i'm fat enough to hold down the fort deuce: I have faith in your faith

deuce: I'M A FAITHLESS ELECTOR deuce: QUICK FOLLOWUP: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT TERM MEANS

pants: KA-BOOM pants: MY PENIS EXPLODED pants: IT WAS A FAKE CIGAR THE WHOLE TIME

: PANTS AND DEUCE AND JOHN WAYNE TOGETHER IN HEAVEN, FOREVER (AMEN) deuce: (QUAKE VOICE) HEADSHOT pants: HAVE I HAD THE PLEASURE OF BEATING YOU OFF BEFORE SIR (FAKE MOUSTACHE FOOLING NOBODY) pants: A WIKIPEDIA ADMIN WITH A DIAPER FETISH ?????? deuce: OUTSTANDING

pants: I SMELL A GRUE deuce: IF YOU PROCEED YOU ARE LIKELY TO FALL INTO A PIT pants: TURN ON LAMP deuce: SUCK A COCK

pants: DRINK HARD LIQUOR pants: THEN FALL OVER

pants: TRYING TO SCRATCH MY EAR WITH MY BACK FOOT, FALLING OVER deuce: [STAR TREK RED ALERT SOUND]

spigot: FAMILY-SIZED SQUIRTS IN MY MID-RANGE SEDAN spigot: :LOUDSPEAKER: PANTS FROM BONEQUEST WEARS LADY CLOTHING pants: FLUSTERED, JUMPING TO TRY AND GRAB THE MEGAPHONE AWAY FROM YOU

pants: SERIOUSLY IF YOU WANT TO MARRY ME THAT WOULD BE JUST FINE I CAN INTRODUCE YOU TO MY PARENTS (THIS BONG AND THAT DONG) pants: ALSO IF YOU COULD PLEASE BLOCK ME FROM YOUR SITE I CANNOT STOP JERKING OFF AND I'M STARTING TO GET REALLY DIZZY (AND THAT CAN'T BE GOOD FOR BUSINESS) pants: I HAVE APPEARANCES TO KEEP UP YOU KNOW

deuce: MAXIMUM STEALTH deuce: DICKS ACQUIRED deuce: DECLOAKING

spigot: HOMPTH HORMPH I'M IN A FANCY RESTAURANT

pants: STUFF MY FANNY WITH POO spigot: DID YOU MEAN FANNY PACK spigot: BECAUSE YOUR FANNY MIGHT ALREADY BE FULL!!!!!!! spigot: OR AM I PACKING THE FANNY spigot: SHOULD WE HOP ON A QUICK CALL spigot: SENDING YOU A CALENDAR INVITE spigot: MONDAY MORNING AT 6:30 WORK FOR YOU?????? spigot: IT WILL BE AN ALL-DAY EVENT spigot: STRETCHING THE RIBBON ACROSS THE ENTIRE WEEK AND AROUND THE MOON spigot: YOU HAVE RECEIVED AN INVITATION TO COLLABORATE!!!!!!!! spigot: A KICK-OFF CALL!!!!!!!!!! spigot: FOLLOWED BY A VERY IMPORTANT ONE ON ONE spigot: AND A SELF REVIEW spigot: AND A PERFORMANCE EVALUATION spigot: IT'S NOT WORKING OUT AND HERE'S A BOX spigot: GUESS YOU CAN PACK THAT!!!!!!! spigot: SUBJECT: EXIT INTERVIEW MON 6:30AM spigot: SUBJECT: DID YOU GET MY MAIL spigot: SUBJECT: LEFT YOUR POO IN THE STAIRWELL

deuce: FANNYPACKS ALL AROUND pants: HANDING THEM OUT LIKE AID WORKERS FROM THE BACK OF A TRUCK deuce: THERE'S NO NEED TO CROWD EVERYONE WILL GET ONE

pants: EVERYBODY MUST DIE pants: EXCEPT YOU OF COURSE pants: AND ME I GUESS pants: AND THAT ONE OVER THERE pants: ERROR_LOG(PRINT_R(ARRAY("FANNYPACKS!!!!!!!!!" => "!!!!!!!!!!!"), TRUE));

pants: YOU WILL BE JACQUES FROM THE SOVIET UNION AND I WILL PLAY THE PART OF TERRY FROM CANADA AND WE ARE IN AN INTERNATIONAL TOILET

pants: i hope far cry 6 takes place in the castro district pants: am i adorbs deuce: you are godlike pants: that is not adorbs tho

pants: _FEW CLOUDS_ (RAIN MAN VOICE) deuce: GOTTA SAY IT TWICE deuce: WHY AREN'T YOU PLAYING FAR CRY 6 WITH ME pants: COUCH REASONS deuce: FUCK YO COUCH pants: GETTING UP BUT I WARN YOU IT WILL TAKE A FEW MINUTES TO GET DOWN THE HALLWAY deuce: I'LL FUCKING CUT YOU

pants: I WOULD LIKE YOU TO REACH OVER AND TOUCH ME AT SOME POINT WHILE WE WATCH LETHAL WEAPON TOGETHER ON THE COUCH (PLANNING OUR GAYNESS FAR IN THE FUTURE) ozone: UH ozone: LETHAL WEAPON 2 OR LETHAL WEAPON 3

deuce: SUCK MY PRICK deuce: PLEASE pants: FARM-LIKE deuce: IT'S THE "PLEASE" THAT MAKES IT ART

spigot: INTRODUCING FART FONTS spigot: THEY MAKE FART SOUNDS WHEN YOU TYPE THEM MAYBE spigot: INTRODUCING PLUS FARTS spigot: YOU DO A FART BUT YOU CAN ALSO CONFIGURE IT

:first: ANGRY BUT NOT FOR LONG YOU'LL SEE pants: FART CONDITIONS OVERNIGHT: BURSTY pants: UPGRADED TO SCATTERED deuce: LET US KNOW IF WE GET TO SPOTTY BECAUSE THEN IT'S A REAL MESS

deuce: SUCKIN' IT deuce: TOTALLY SUCKIN' IT deuce: WHOLE LOTTA SUCKIN' GOING' ON pants: I CAN'T HEAR YOU

deuce: SUCKIN' IT deuce: I DIDN'T EVEN GET THEM ALL HERE pants: THERE IS NO NEED TO FORM ANY LINE ON THE PLATFORM pants: COMPUTERS ARE A VERY CONVENIENT WAY TO COMMUNICATE AS WELL deuce: SOME BIG OL' SUCKIN' GOIN' ON

spigot: SOMEONE SHOULD TELL STEPHEN HAWKING HIS VOICE IS LIKE FARTS IN A COFFEE CAN spigot: YES COFFEE IS AVAILABLE IN CANS !!!!!!!! spigot: WE'RE TALKIN' YUBAN spigot: WE'RE TALKIN' SANKA spigot: FOLGERS ANYONE ?????? spigot: MAYBE A LITTLE MJB ??????? spigot: OH!!! DON'T MIND ME!!! I'M JUST ***CHOCK FULL O'NUTS*** spigot: SERIOUSLY MY WIFE IS VERY ILL AND SUFFERING FROM ****MEDAGLIA D'ORO**** spigot: BOOM, ANOTHER COFFEE IN A CAN spigot: MAXWELL HOUSE spigot: HILLS BROS. spigot: THE ONLY THING STEPHEN HAWKING SHOULD SAY IS EXTERMINATE

:: DO NOT PLUG IN 24V AC TO COM PORT OR YOU WILL RISK DAMAGING YOUR TRANSFORMER. PICTURED BELOW: "PANTS" pants: FTL BUT WITH COCKS AND BALLS WHERE WE EXPLORE AN ALIEN LANDSCAPE SEARCHING FOR DICK pants: THE JOURNEY IS IN THE ADVENTURE!!!!!!!!! A LONELY COCK IS POKING UP THROUGH A FRESHLY-DRILLED HOLE. (A) CAREFULLY REMOVE EXCESS SHAVINGS TO PROTECT THE COCK FROM CUTS (B) AVOID THE COCK (SPACE COCKS ARE NO JOKE)

deuce: well I'm both fat and bored and also just ate!!! deuce: now I'm considering beating off deuce: this is our daily standup

deuce: I'M FAT AND STOMPING AROUND THE HALLWAYS (STOMP STOMP) net: ... net: I'M JUST FAT deuce: ... deuce: VERY WELL (CARRY ON) net: ...

spigot: A staggering number of troops are fat and tired, report says spigot: blam blam blam do we have any more lemon bars

deuce: HOLD ME pants: YOU ARE TOO FAT AROUND THE FAT AROUND AND WE ARE STUCK pants: ENDLESSLY ORBITING EACH OTHER IN SPACE pants: A WORDLESS GROPE ENSUES deuce: IT IS LIKE 2001 IN THAT IT IS A VERY VERY SLOW SCENE BUT IT IS SCIENTIFICALLY ACCURATE (THE GROPING)

deuce: fat as fat can be pants: [minecraft skeleton noises]

spigot: MISSING YOUR FAT FACE AND HEAD pants: PRICKS ARE PEOPLE TOO

pants: HE KNOCKED MY TEETH OUT AND NOW I HAVE TO GUM THE DICK

spigot: I'M THE MINISTER OF SILLY WALKS - URRFF HURRRG I'M A FAT DORK spigot: JOHN CLEESE WAS MY FAVORITE, NEXT WAS TOM BAKER spigot: I LIKED THE MOVIE ABOUT KNIGHTS spigot: I'D ALSO LIKE TO SUCK FAT FLOPPY DICK UNTIL MY SINUSES CLEAR UP spigot: OKAY BUT TRY TO GET IT ALL OVER MY FACE

spigot: I THINK WE'RE ALL FAT GAY FILM STUDENTS HERE, LET'S ROLL spigot: ACTION spigot: URF OW HURMPH PUMPING IT INTO THE AIR

spigot: CAN WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE FOR ONCE LIKE MY FAT GAY STONED COCKSUCKING FACE deuce: HUHHHHHHHH spigot: I'M GOING TO PRETEND THAT WAS HONEST, GENUINE LAUGHTER

deuce: IS THIS FAT INDIAN GIRL ON NORTHERN EXPOSURE RETARDED OR WHAT spigot: I'D SAY A FAT INDIAN GIRL ALREADY HAS THREE STRIKES AGAINST HER

spigot: NET YAROZE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: FAT KIDS pants: SHORT KIDS spigot: EVEN KIDS WITH DONGS pants: GAY KIDS spigot: DID I SAY FAT KIDS pants: ALSO KIDS WITH BONGS

pants: DO THESE FATPANTS MAKE ME LOOK FAT (BRIEF FASHION SHOW ENSUES)

pants: I'M SEARCHING OVER 450 AIRLINES AND MORE THAN 2 BILLION FARES TO FIND YOU THE LOWEST AVAILABLE FAIR TO SATISFY YOUR TRAVEL NEEDS !!!!!!!!!! FAT QUEER ANGRY COCKS FROM OUTER SPACE THAT GLOW AND MAKE A NOISE deuce: HOW RUDE

spigot: OH spigot: WHEN THE FAGS spigot: OH WHEN THE FAGS spigot: OH WHEN THE FAGS spigot: GO spigot: LICK spigot: ING deuce: HE'S STUCK spigot: DICK spigot: YOU INTERRUPTED ME........... ----> AGAIN <---- deuce: THAT'S MY JOB HERE (DUH) deuce: I'M THE FAT USELESS DIPSHIT THAT NOBODY LIKES BUT FOR SOME REASON NOBODY CAN SEEM TO GET RID OF

spigot: I WOULD LIKE YOU ALL TO BE FAT WHILE I SMOKE pants: SERIOUSLY LET'S CONSIDER THE HUMPTY-DUMP AS THE OFFICIAL JERKCITY DANCE deuce: LAMBADA !!!!!!! pants: T DEUCE DON'T BE GROSS

pants: THERE WILL BE NO GLORY IN YOUR SACRIFICE pants: THE WORLD WILL NEVER KNOW YOU EXISTED AT ALL pants: CHECK OUT MY ABS HALGHALUGHLAH GLBALGHLBAG

deuce: I'D BETTER JERK OFF JUST TO BE SAFE atandt: GOOD CALL deuce: AFTER ALL THE FATE OF THE WORLD RESTS IN THE BALANCE atandt: YOUR JERK WILL MAKE OR BREAK US

pants: SO MY DAD'S STILL MOLESTING ME pants: HE LIKES IT ALTHOUGH I FIND MYSELF INDIFFERENT ABOUT THE PROCESS pants: OKAY THAT'S A WRAP pants: I'LL BE SMOKING IN THE PARKING LOT IF ANYBODY NEEDS ME pants: ONE MORE PAGE TO GO ??? CAN WE EDIT THIS PART OUT pants: ALL RIGHT: UH, DEAR CANADIAN GOTH GIRL pants: WAIT WRONG PAGE pants: THIS PLACE IS WORSE THAN THE MUPPET SHOW

pants: who will go to the father/daughter dance with me deuce: are you the father of the dauggggggggg pants: i'm uh pants: well i'm whatever you need me to be pants: is that a

atandt: SOMEONE IS CRUSHING MY BALLS pants: IT COULD BE MY FATNESS deuce: YOUR WIFE (YOU DID NOT GET ENOUGH PEANUT BUTTER) atandt: IS IT 'DEUCE' OR MAYBE 'PANTS' pants: LET'S NOT OVERLOOK MY FATNESS HERE atandt: HOW ABOUT 'SPIGOT'? atandt: T PANTS YOU JUST TOTALLY BLEW MY TIMING pants: DEFINITELY FATNESS

spigot: KING CHARLES THE FIRST WORE THREE SHIRTS TO HIS BEHEADING spigot: SO HE WOULDN'T SHIVER IN THE COLD AND APPEAR AFRAID spigot: ALSO I'M THE FATTEST GAYEST PLUMPEST MEXICAN IN THE STRAWBERRY PATCH spigot: LINCOLN WAS AN AMATEUR BUTTERFLY COLLECTOR deuce: KILL THE HISTORY DORK spigot: HE WENT THAT WAY!!!!! -------> deuce: LHGAHLGAHLGA deuce: GLHAGG deuce: GHL....... deuce: (FADING INTO THE DISTANCE, CLEARLY FOILED)

spigot: DO YOU NEED A SPECIAL LICENSE TO OPERATE A FAX MACHINE spigot: ARE THERE ANY FAX MACHINE CLUBS IN YOUR AREA spigot: CAN YOU CONDUCT THE THURSDAY NIGHT FAX NET WHERE WE ALL FAX EACH OTHER spigot: OKAY WE HAVE A JAMMER (SHEETS AND SHEETS OF BLACK) spigot: HAD AN EPSON FOR YEARS, FINALLY SWITCHED TO HP BUT I MISS THE OLD KNOBS AND MENUS (spigot): PSST spigot: ARE YOU GOING TO FAXCON 2015 deuce: OH GOD PISSING INTO MY MOUTH

pants: are you really a female body inspector deuce: well what does my badge say

atandt: DO NOT HESITATE atandt: TAKE ACTION! atandt: YOU ARE YOUR OWN WOST ENEMY atandt: THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE TO FEAR IS FEAR ITSELF deuce: HOLY SHIT

deuce: LOOKING FOR SOME VALIDATION NUTWARD deuce: THAT MEANS IN THE DIRECTION OF MY NUTS spigot: HOMPH HOMPH HOMPH FEEDBAG

deuce: I'M HUNGRY deuce: FORTUNATELY I HAVE OODLES OF NOODLY COCK ALL AROUND ME deuce: SURROUNDING ME, CLOSING IN

pants: ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY MY BALLS PLEASE pants: NOTHING SEXIER THAN A BOWL-HAIRCUT WRAPPED IN A HOSPITAL GOWN pants: FEED ME HAMMIE TREATS YOU FAT STUPID SHITS

spigot: WHAT ABOUT BEING STONED AGAIN pants: WHO spigot: NEVER MIND pants: WHAT

deuce: t pants what you need is Jesus pants: feel my soul deuce: that's not your pants: just squint

pants: FEELIN' GRABBY pants: GROPEY pants: HANDSY pants: LET ME DO AS I DO: SQUEEZING + PINCHING pants: FORMING A SEAL AROUND THE AFFECTED AREA WITH MY MOUTH pants: SLAPPING + SLASHING deuce: CAN I GO NOW pants: THIS CANNOT END WELL pants: IT NEVER DOES!!!!!!!!! deuce: YOU'RE BLOWING A VACUUM CLEANER deuce: AND IT'S NOT EVEN ON, THIS ISN'T EVEN ENTERTAINING TO WATCH pants: YOU MAY BE EXCUSED deuce: I SHALL GO WITH GOD pants: ALL PRAISE TO HIM

spigot: :BANJO: spigot: :NOTES: spigot: FOLKS :BANJO::NOTES: spigot: WHO'S FEELING A LITTLE . . . spigot: :RACEHORSE::CACTUS: FENCED IN :CACTUS::FARMER: spigot: JUST ? spigot: GIVE :VIOLIN: spigot: ME :MUSICAL_KEYBOARD::MUSICAL_KEYBOARD::MUSICAL_KEYBOARD::MUSICAL_KEYBOARD: spigot: DONGS / LOTS OF DONGS :SAXOPHONE: spigot: IN MY STUPID FUCKING FACE spigot: :TRUMPET:GIVE :TRUMPET:ME :TRUMPET:THOSE :TRUMPET:DONGS spigot: I'VE BEEN SHOT

deuce: WHO HAS THESE DISGUSTING FOOT FETISHES AND WHY ARE THEY SUBJECTING ME TO IT IN THE WRONG NEWSGROUPS spigot: IF I WANTED TO LOOK AT POLAROIDS OF SOME STUPID WOMAN'S FOOT I COULD PROBABLY JUST TAKE THEM MYSELF pants: IF YOU HAVE A MOUSTACHE, YOU HAVE A FOOT FETISH pants: THAT'S THE LAW

pants: suck it and punch it pants: run away, hide under the trailer, get pulled out feet-first by state police pants: it's my cousin's car

spigot: FOLKS A CAT WALKED ON MY PILLOW AND I THINK I HAVE FELINE AIDS spigot: WELPS!!! OFF TO THE VET spigot: A PLASTIC CONE ON MY DONG LIKE A MEGAPHONE spigot: ECHO ECHO ECHO ECHO

deuce: FELONY STALKING pants: WHERE deuce: OVER THERE (POINTING) pants: WHERE pants: RUNNING TOWARDS THE HORIZON deuce: SUCKER

spigot: POUND MY BALLS SO I QUALIFY FOR FEMA AID

pants: DUMP NEEDS ATTENTION (TAPE POSITIONING ERROR): DO YOU WANT TO ATTEMPT TO CONTINUE? ("YES" OR "NO") spigot: T DEUCE CAN YOU REBOOT JERKCITY FOR ME (IT'S NO LONGER FUNNY) spigot: I.E. STUPID

spigot: CATEGORIES LIKE FEMDOM AND JOI AND BALLBUSTING spigot: ALSO I DON'T LIKE STRANGER THINGS

spigot: FEYNMAN'S REVERSE SPRINKLER IS JUST TWO FAGS BLOWING EACH OTHER UNDERWATER deuce: I GET THAT REFERENCE!!!!!!

pants: BWAHAHAHAHAHA FART ESCAPES deuce: MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFURP

deuce: TWO LARGE OBVIOUSLY GAY BATS SOARED THROUGH THE NIGHT SKIES, THEIR BATLY WINGS FLIPPING AND FLAPPING AND FLYING AROUND WITH RADAR spigot: BUT spigot: PEOPLE ARE GOING TO THINK I CAN ONLY WRITE ABOUT ONE THING deuce: BUT WHAT

deuce: HEAD pants: HEAD deuce: SO YOU'RE WITH ME THEN pants: AYE deuce: VERY WELL: I HEREBY GIVE YOU A FIELD PROMOTION TO COCKSUCKER SECOND CLASS

spigot: CAN WE NOMINATE ADRIANA CHECHIK FOR THE FIELDS MEDAL spigot: SOME OF US FEEL SHE'S DONE SOME GOOD WORK deuce: FOR THE SPECIAL OLYMPICS??? spigot: UM spigot: I'LL CRACK YOUR FUCKIN' HEAD OPEN AGAIN

pants: GOD'S JUDGEMENT IS FIERCE AND ALSO FAIR AND A LITTLE BI deuce: JUST A LITTLE THOUGH pants: IT'S ENOUGH deuce: ENOUGH TO BE WORRYING pants: FURROWING MY BROW, MY WEINER'S BROW

spigot: FIG BARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: T SPIGOT I CAN SEE YOU THROUGH THE PEEPHOLE spigot: GET OUT OF MY ROOM pants: T SPIGOT NOT UNTIL WE DISCUSS PROPER BIRTH CONTROL METHODS

spigot: I WOULD LIKE TO BE GAY NOT ONLY IN THE PAST PRESENT AND FUTURE TENSES BUT ALSO THE PLUPERFECT SUBJUNCTIVE TENSE deuce: SO IN OTHER WORDS YOU ARE GAY spigot: YOU TRICKED ME spigot: GRIDDLE MARKS / TILE MARKS deuce: SHOVING