spigot: FIRST TIME CALLER, LONG TIME DICKLICKER

pants: LOOK WHAT I CAN DO HUGALGALUAHGUHLAHGAG deuce: THIS CODEINE WILL TURN ME INTO A NUCLEAR CAPABLE SOVEREIGN NATION pants: THE BIG FISH SUCK THE LITTLE ONES (WHICH IS AN ODD STATE OF AFFAIRS IF YOU GET RIGHT DOWN TO IT) deuce: IF WE ALL LICK DICK WILL THE EARTH STOP SPINNING ON ITS AXIS pants: YES MOM I'M DISCUSSING FISH DICKS IN CHAT WITH MY ONLINE FRIENDS deuce: ANSWER MY QUESTION

deuce: GUYS deuce: GUYS deuce: I JUST BOUGHT FISH STICKS deuce: YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS deuce: CORRECT ANSWER: A THIRD WORLD WAR

deuce: FIVE ALARM FIRE atandt: WHERE deuce: IN MY MOUTH atandt: HOLY deuce: PLEASE PUT IT OUT WITH DICK atandt: T DEUCE INTERVENTION

spigot: one for the money spigot: two to lick dick spigot: three to lick dick spigot: four to lick dick spigot: five and up, dicklicking

spigot: OKAY THEN spigot: I'M LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO HELP ME SUCK AND GO DUH deuce: I'D HELP BUT MOMMY SAYS I HAVE TO GO TO BED spigot: SERIOUSLY I'M ASKING FOR HELP deuce: T SPIGOT I WISH I COULD HELP BUT I'M UNDER STRICT ORDERS spigot: AND FIVE BLANKETS

spigot: PLEASE SLIDE YOUR BALLS ALONG THE INK PAD AND TAKE A SEAT ON THIS CLEAN WHITE PAPER spigot: AND AGAIN spigot: JUST GONNA PUT MY FINGERS ABOVE YOUR DONG AND ROLL IT FROM LEFT TO RIGHT OVER THE SECOND INK PAD spigot: THERE WE GO spigot: NOW FIVE BRIGHT FLASHBULB PICS OF YOUR DONG AND DRAWING DICKS ON YOUR FACE spigot: YOU'RE FREE TO GO spigot: OOP, HOLD ON PUNCH POUND SQUIRT spigot: WE NEED TO START OVER

deuce: I ORDERED FROM FIVE GUYS AND ALL I GOT WERE THESE FIVE GUYS

pants: QUEER IT UP A LITTLE IN THERE PLEASE spigot: FIVE MINUTE PRICK BREAK EVERYONE spigot: HOOF HURF HOMPH LICKING DUH spigot: THAT WAS LOVELY pants: YOU HOLD HIM AND I'LL CHOP HIS HEAD OFF

spigot: okay i think it's time for some beers and then back to bed who's with me pants: i've done my part today spigot: that was a gay trap, get out of my bed pants: s-sorry spigot: you're not moving though pants: 5 more minutes

pants: DICKS deuce: FLAGGED AS INAPPROPRIATE

spigot: THIS POSTING HAS BEEN FLAGGED FOR REMOVAL. spigot: COME BACK FAKE SEX LADY

pants: <H1>SEXUAL</H1> pants: WILD AIR PUNCHES pants: I BELIEVE I CAN FLY

spigot: AND THEN IT FLAPPED AROUND BONKING INTO ALL THE EXPENSIVE ANTIQUES AND SMOKED ALL THE DOPE AND LOGGED INTO JERKCITY spigot: JEAN-CHARLES, LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU

pants: SUFFERAGE !!! NOTHING LIKE ROUGHAGE AS IT TURNS OUT pants: THE NEW REPUBLIC HAS FAILED ME AND YET I STAND HERE pants: GREAT THE WAR IS OVER NOW LET'S GO TO A PLAY : Originally published April 3, 1922

spigot: THPIGOT IS TYPING (FLAPPING, FLOPPY HANDS OVER IMAGINARY PIANO) pants: (SAD) ALL RIGHT pants: WHY MUST WE pants: CAN'T YOU

spigot: HERE'S DORKY spigot: FLIPPITY FLAP I SWEAR TO GOD I'M THE GAYEST BAT IN SUNNYVALE pants: JUST CLICK AND CUSTOMIZE MY NUTS spigot: NO CARRIER

pants: VAMPYRE BATS ??? deuce: FLAPPITY FLAP FLAP pants: THEY ARE FLAPPING AND BONKING INTO SHIT, KNOCKING STUFF DOWN AND OTHERWISE CAUSING ALL KINDS OF TROUBLE pants: I WENT INTO THE SECRET ROOM EXPECTING TO SEE CREATED BY WARREN ROBINETT AND INSTEAD THERE WAS JUST A FUCKING STARBUCKS THERE deuce: GHLAGHLUAHGULAG

pants: AUUUGH FLASHBACKS

deuce: WHERE IS THE PORN net: IN HERE (POINTING WITH FLASHLIGHT) deuce: GLARG net: CLOSER...

deuce: CAN'T I JUST LICK DICK QUIETLY OVER HERE WITHOUT THE COPS SHINING THEIR BRIGHT FLASHLIGHTS IN MY FACE EVERY TEN MINUTES deuce: COME TO THINK OF IT IT'S A COP'S DICK I'M SUCKING deuce: OH WELL SUCH IS LIFE GHLGLHAGHULGAHLUGAHLUGA HUL OW OW OW OW BILLY CLUB

spigot: SOMETHING IS SQUIRTING DOWN MY PANTLEGS spigot: FLASHBACK: ARBY'S

effigy: THAT'S NO FLASHLIGHT spigot: as a trans woman,

pants: WE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO GET HARD UNTIL THE 1980S pants: THIS IS CNN pants: MAY I HAVE THE FLATBREAD deuce: `DENIED` pants: WHY MUST IT ALWAYS BE PANDEMONIUM deuce: BECAUSE YOU CANNOT CONTROL THE AUDIENCE

SPIGOT: I'M GOING TO FLING THIS BALONEY OVER THE WALL OF MY CUBE AND WHOEVER CATCHES IT CAN HAVE IT SPIGOT: NOTICE HOW "BALONEY" IS FUNNIER THAN "BOLOGNA" SPIGOT: EVEN THOUGH "BOLOGNA" HAS THE WORD LOG IN IT

atandt: CAN YOU RETURN TO THE PART WHERE-- hanford: STOP THIS IS A RE-RUN atandt: WHAT hanford: SHUT IT DOWN pants: HI I'M PANTS FROM hanford: SHUT IT DOWN NOW

atandt: CAN YOU RETURN TO THE PART WHERE YOUR FACE IS IN MY LAP? deuce: I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH THAT PARTICULAR SCENE deuce: FLIP FLIP FLIP deuce: I DON'T SEE IT HERE IN THE SCRIPT deuce: FLIP FLIP FLIP deuce: NOPE CAN'T FIND IT pants: T DEUCE HERE ON PAGE 28, IT'S A FOOTNOTE deuce: T PANTS STAY OUT OF THIS pants: POV: STARING AT A PATCH OF 501 BLUE JEANS, EXTREME CLOSEUP pants: T DEUCE DON'T WORRY THIS IS ONLY FOR THE DIRECTOR'S CUT deuce: T PANTS I SAID I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP pants: T DEUCE HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING

pants: OW THIS IS NOT A FLIPBOOK THIS IS AN ACTUAL BONER deuce: NOT EVEN A VIEWMASTER ?!!?! pants: I WILL CHECK CLOSER pants: OW OW NO IT IS STILL A BONER

pants: GET A MOVE ON EVERY ONE A YAS pants: YAY HEE HEE HEE YAY !!!! CLAPPING MY FLIPPERS TOGETHER, ROCKING MY WHEELCHAIR BACK AND FORTH pants: WHICH IS WHY I USE CLOTH DIAPERS INSTEAD OF DISPOSABLES pants: OKAY pants: LIGHTS ON pants: PROJECTOR OFF pants: ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS pants: IT'S A LIVING (LEANS ON SHOVEL, LIGHTS UP)

pants: NEVER FORGET FLIPPER BABY DEUCE (AS SEEN IN THE COMIC CHAT ABOUT BOX) deuce: FORGOTTEN

pants: PLEASE HELP ME TO FLOAT THROUGH THE AIR deuce: GLAHGLAHG pants: TIE A STRING TO ME THIS TIME deuce: I PROMISED TO INFLATE YOU WITH HELIUM OR SOME OTHER GAY GAS BUT THAT IS WHERE MY RESPONSIBILITY IN THIS MATTER ENDS

atandt: I RATE THIS POO A C+ FOR EFFORT, STYLE pants: DID I JUST FLUSH YOUR REPORT CARD

deuce: CRUMPLING YOU UP AND DOING YOU THE RIGHT WAY spigot: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN I AM FLOATING THROUGH SPACE deuce: CAN WE DO ANYTHING TO HELP YOU (NO) spigot: LADIES AND GERMS deuce: WE CANNOT HELP YOU FROM DOWN HERE (REQUIRE ROCKETSHIP)

pants: flop pants: sorry pants: flop pants: sorry not sorry pants: flop pants: leaving them down pants: waddling everywhere

pants: T DEUCE DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THAT TIME MY BONER FLOPPED OUT/POPPED OUT deuce: CONSTANTLY pants: YEAH SAME deuce: IT HAUNTS MY WAKING MOMENTS AND INVADES MY DREAMS deuce: ALSO WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

spigot: THE WORLD IS STILL TALKING ABOUT THE SHITTY FLORIDA CONDO THAT FLOPPED OVER LIKE IT'S 9/11 deuce: IT JUST DID IT TO GET ATTENTION spigot: WE GO LIVE NOW, TO THE DIRT CLUMPS spigot: EVERYONE PLEASE MOVE BACK, SOME OF THESE CLUMPS ARE CLODS

pants: FLORA AND FAUNA AND BONERS AND TRAUMA deuce: IN THAT ORDER

spigot: IS ANYONE GOING TO TELL FLORIDA THERE'S MORE THAN JUST PORN HUB spigot: THERE'S ALSO PORN HUB GAY

deuce: T SPIGOT J/O IN MY APARTMENT BATHROOM AT 3.35 AM spigot: AS YOU CAN SEE INSTEAD OF FLOWERS I BROUGHT SNICKERS

dick: UH OH FLUFFER UNDERFLOW spigot: COPS / COME AND TRY TO FAG MY MOPS

spigot: BREAKFAST WITH IHOP spigot: A FLUFFY FOUR-STACK OF PIPING HOT GRIDDLECAKES spigot: AND REAL CREAMERY DONGBUTTER spigot: ***SCREECH*** SAY WHAT??????? CGI PENGUINS

spigot: "SLOBBERING AND CRUNCHING LOUDLY" spigot: BOSTON BAKED COCKS AND FLUFFY MASHED NUTS

spigot: i'm a flushable applicator spigot: kindly apply me then flush me spigot: surprise: i am not flushable spigot: hurrrkkk okay one more attempt i guess spigot: blblblblbl gllllkkk

deuce: :NOTES: FLY ME / TO THE MOON AND LET ME PLAY / AMONG THE BALLS 🎵 pants: THOSE AREN'T THE RIGHT LYRICS

spigot: HOIF spigot: FLYING THROUGH THE AIR spigot: URF

deuce: STOP FIBONACCING PLEASE

spigot: JUST HAD MY FOCAL REVIEW spigot: THIS TIME THE FOCUS WAS ON MY FACE spigot: TECHNICAL ACUMEN: EXCELLENT, FAIR, DEVELOPMENT AREA, PRICKS BONKING spigot: THESE BROWSER WARS ARE REALLY HEATING UP FOLKS

atandt: TELL DEUCE WHEN YOU TYPE WITH YOUR BALLS, PLEASE FOCUS ON CLARITY deuce: I'M SORRY I FORGOT I WAS TALKING TO THE NATIONAL SPELLING BEE CHAMPION

pants: FOLIAGE deuce: FOILAGE pants: T DEUCE HAVE YOU TALKED TO YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT MAGNETO deuce: T PANTS I'M WAITING FOR THE RIGHT TIME deuce: I'M A LITTLE WORRIED HOW THEY'LL REACT QUITE FRANKLY

spigot: MY FAKE CANCER IS BACK pants: ARE YOU GONNA BE OKAY deuce: MOVE THE MOUSE spigot: YOU CAN PUSH A PENIS THROUGH MY REAR END AND OUT MY MOUTH IF YOU FOLD ME LIKE A PIECE OF PAPER deuce: DEMONSTRATING A WORMHOLE WITH A PENCIL AND A PINUP POSTER BUT IT'S A PENIS AND YOUR ALIMENTARY CANAL

spigot: AND NOW THE PURPOSE OF MY 'FOLKS' IF YOU CAN GIVE ME A MOMENT TO LOCK AND LOAD A TWO-ASSET GAG spigot: DOES SERIOUSLY NOBODY CARE THAT BAY AREA RAINWATER STAINS MY PLASTIC BICYCLE PANTS WITH A FRESH, PROCEDURALLY GENERATED POO-DOWN-THE-LEGS PHONG SHADER deuce: PHONG spigot: PLEASE ADDRESS ME AS CALIFORNIA'S POWER GRID BECAUSE I'M HAVING A ROLLING BROWN-OUT pants: PHONG

pants: THERE MIGHT BE A POKEMON IN THIS STALL!!!!! FOLLOW ME EVERYBODY AND TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRTS YOU DON'T WANT TO SCARE THEM deuce: THEIR VISUAL ACUITY IS BASED ON NON-SHIRTLESSNESS

spigot: IF SUCH OF A THING IS PERMITTED/POSSIBLE/PLAUSIBLE spigot: PERPENDICULAR spigot: IN THE WINTER / WE CAN BUILD A SNOWMAN

spigot: HOT TOWN / SUMMER IN THE SHITTER spigot: LICKIN' ON A DICK / FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER

deuce: GOOD NEWS/BAD NEWS GOOD NEWS IS WE'VE FIXED THE SINK AND UPGRADED IT SO THAT IT TWEETS CONSTANTLY AND IS ALSO AMBULATORY AND WILL CLEAN UP MESSES AROUND THE HOUSE; BAD NEWS IS IT DOESN'T WORK AT ALL

net: IN CALIFORNIA, DRUNKS MUST PLAN AHEAD net: TEACHING DRUNKS VALUABLE PLANNING SKILLS IS THE DUTY OF THE STATE deuce: YOU ARE A FONT OF KNOWLEDGE net: SOME STATES TAKE A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT APPROACH, SUCH AS MAKING YOU PLAN WAY AHEAD IF YOU WANT TO DRINK ON SUNDAY deuce: AND BY FONT I MEAN FUCKING FAGGOT SO GET SUCKING SMARTY

spigot: I'M A DELCIOUS BANANA SPLIT WITH CHOCOLATE AND WHIPPED CREAM AND NUTS !!!!!!!!! spigot: PLEASE SAMPLE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: BLUH HUH I'M A MILKSHAKE HURRR DUH

pants: HAVE WE TRIED PUTTING THE FOOD TUBE IN HER CUNT

atandt: DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO EAT BESIDES CRICKETS pants: N

spigot: DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE!!!!!!! MY BALLS ARE JUST FINE pants: T SPIGOT I THINK WE CAN FOOL HIM INTO DISROBING IF WE CALL THE WHOLE THING "A CONTEST" OR SAY THAT ANTIQUES AND BIRD FOOD ARE THE PRIZE OR WHATEVER

deuce: SEQUESTER: TO RAPE REPEATEDLY deuce: FISTICUFFS: TO INSERT ONE'S FIST INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S FACE/ASS deuce: TRUCULENT: TO BEHAVE LIKE A USELESS WOMAN

spigot: NOW STUFF BOTH DICKS IN YOUR MOUTH AND SAY BAZINGA * 💥 📷 * ✨ 💡 🌠 * 💥 ✨ PAF

pants: FOOPMTPH EJECTED INTO SPACE deuce: SURROUNDED BY FAINT GLINTING PISS CRYSTALS (NOT MY PISS)

pants: I THINK GOD SENT A BONER HERE TO MY FACE FOR A GOOD REASON deuce: SMEAR IT

net: I AM OFFERING TO SHOW YOU MY BALLS

spigot: WHA spigot: OH spigot: FOR A SECOND THERE I THOUGHT I WAS EMPLOYED

deuce: I'M HUMPING YOUR LEG (HAVE BEEN FOR ABOUT HALF AN HOUR) atandt: OW

pants: SO YOU FINALLY CAME CRAWLING BACK deuce: I AM SO SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID EARLIER ABOUT YOUR PENCHANT FOR UNCOOKED DICKS deuce: AND NUTPLAY deuce: AND YOUR ATTEMPT TO CREATE A ROBOT MONSTROSITY deuce: AND SPIGOT IN GENERAL pants: GET YOUR HAND OFF MY KNEE

pants: NUTS FOR BREAKFAST

spigot: I HAD PORN CATALOGUES FOR BREAKFAST THIS MORNING!!!!! spigot: NO spigot: PINK CANTALOPE

spigot: HELLO TO THE FUCKING IDIOT PARADE OF COLLEGE STUDENTS !!! WHAT AN EXCITING TIME IN YOUR LIVES TO BE ON THE BRINK OF A NEW CAREER LICKING MY DICK FOREVER spigot: FOREVER spigot: FOREVER

atandt: LOWERCASE MEANS I'LL SUCK FOR FREE deuce: EXCELLENT pants: CHECK IT OUT A WHOLE EXTRA PANEL pants: WE SHOULD RENT IT OUT TO A CHURCH GROUP

deuce: FAT FUCK SYNDROME deuce: THAT'S WHAT I GOT

pants: AN UNKNOWN, UNQUANTIFIABLE AMOUNT OF JACKING OFF deuce: WELL IT'S QUANTIFIABLE BUT IT'S TOO LARGE TO MEASURE PRACTICALLY pants: THEN WE SHOULD SET IT ASIDE FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS WHO MAY HAVE MORE EXACT INSTRUMENTS

spigot: ONE THING I ABSOLUTELY KNOW FOR GODDAMN SURE: YOU DID NOT SEE ME LICKING DICK, YOU SAW A DECOMMISSIONED WEATHER BALLOON

pants: WHATEVER THE NOISE IS FOR EATING CHOCOLATE CAKES spigot: I WOULD SAY HOMPTH HURMPTH AND ADD A SMOOSHING IN FOR GOOD MEASURE

pants: REJOICE DEATH IS NOT THE END deuce: FOR HENCEFORTH WE SHALL BE PERFECT pants: HENCEFORTH I WIMPER NO MORE, POSTPONE NO MORE, NEED NOTHING deuce: EVERYBODY DANCE NOW pants: YOU WANT TO MAKE FLOWERS TODAY deuce: THIS IS HOW THE WORLD ENDS: slightly gay

deuce: FUCK A DUCK FOR ME

pants: WHAT GOOD SHALL WE DO THIS DAY spigot: WHAT I GOTTA KNOW IS BONEQUEST.COM/PRICKS/

spigot: INSTEAD OF BASHING GAYS ALL THE TIME YOU COULD TRY A LITTLE TENDERNESS spigot: FOR INSTANCE MY BALLS ARE BOTH TENDER spigot: *HURF* KICKING

pants: WILL YOU BEAT ME OFF FOR MY BIRTHDAY deuce: YOUR BIRTHDAY ISN'T FOR A LONG TIME (NEVER)

spigot: i have cosmic background radiation poisoning in that i am alive for no great reason deuce: the Universe became transparent so that you might live

hanford: YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU READ TOO MANY EPISODES IN A ROW, YOU'LL GET A HEADACHE pants: CAN WE PLEASE JUST LICK DICK

pants: DONATE MY SKULL TO SCIENCE spigot: A WINTER WANK

deuce: T PANTS SO APPARENTLY I'M A BIG JOKE TO YOU pants: T DEUCE YOU'RE LIKE A FUNNY CLOWN YES pants: T DEUCE MY KEYBOARD IS FUCKED UP (SPACEBAR STICKY FOR SOME ODD REASON)

deuce: FOR THE LAST TIME IT'S THE ELECTROMAGNETIC INTERACTION AND I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT ANY MORE DEEPLY WITHOUT YOU LEARNING SOME PHYSICS

deuce: FOR THE LAST TIME NO I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU SPIGOT

deuce: WHAT IN THE WORLD deuce: FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST ABOVE WHAT THE deuce: FOR GOODNESS SAKE PLEASE KICK ME pants: IS SOMETHING HORRIBLE HAPPENING OVER THERE

deuce: WHERE IS THE LOVE spigot: T DEUCE HE'S HOLDING THE LOVE BEHIND HIS BACK pants: I DON'T KNOW (CONCEALING SOMETHING BEHIND HIS BACK) deuce: MOTHERFUCKER

deuce: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE MAKE ME LAUGH spigot: HARDON

pants: BROTHERS SHOULD BE CLOSE DON'T YOU THINK deuce: LEADING YOU DOWN INTO THE BASEMENT, CLOSING THE DOOR AND LOCKING YOU IN

rands: HOOOOO NUTTS spigot: T RANDS FOR THE LOVE OF HOLY CHRIST, THERE IS ONLY ONE T IN NUTS

spigot: GIVE US THIS DAY SOME FUCKING HEAD FOR THE LOVE OF THE LORD deuce: (BECAUSE IT ALWAYS INVOLVES ME GIVING HEAD) spigot: AMEN

deuce: I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT FOR THE RECORD THAT I AM A SURVIVOR pants: IN THAT YOU HAVE ENDURED SOMETHING ABOVE AND BEYOND THE REST OF HUMANITY pants: AND SOMEHOW MADE IT THROUGH ????? OR THAT NOTHING BAD HAPPENED TODAY deuce: I BROKE A NAIL pants: BUT YOU SURVIVED pants: OR IS THIS THE AFTERLIFE deuce: RIGHT

deuce: PISS IS CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL

spigot: EMOTIONAL SUPPORT GROUPS FOR WHEN THE EMOJIS DON'T FACE THE DIRECTION YOU WANT

deuce: ELECT ME POPE spigot: THERE HASN'T BEEN A POPE DEUCE SINCE THE 1100S effigy: CHLOROFORMED FOR YOUR COMFORT deuce: POUND ME UNDERNEATH