:classic: ANGRY PANEL FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT deuce: I'M HOT pants: YOU ARE MID AT BEST deuce: I MEAN I TRY deuce: BY PUTTING OUT pants: AT A BBS PARTY YOU'RE A 10 pants: BUT

pants: MAY I HAVE SEVEN OR SO FROSTED CINNAMON ROLLS BEFORE PUTTING ON THE BLOOD PRESSURE CUFF

pants: THIS SAYS FRAPPUCCINO BUT IT IS CLEARLY PISS spigot: DOES NOBODY CARE THAT SOON WE'LL BE FORCED INTO LITTLE TENTS AND CONCENTRATION CAMPS?!?!?! AND ALL OUR BONEQUEST HUMOR WILL BE USED AGAINST US IN A COURT OF COCKS?????? spigot: THE TIME TO BOMB IS NOW BEFORE THEY GET ANYMORE "IDEAS"

net: IF I GET THE WRONG EAR PIERCED AM I FORCED TO BE GAY OR WHAT deuce: "FORCED" IS A STRONG WORD BUT LET'S GO WITH IT FOR NOW

deuce: COULD YOU PLEASE ELABORATE deuce: AND BY THAT I MEAN SUCK ON MY NUTS UNTIL YOU TURN PURPLE pants: SORT OF PURPLISH AND BLUEISH BUT HEY WHAT DO I KNOW deuce: ALSO BLUE WOULD BE ACCEPTABLE

deuce: GET UP pants: NO

spigot: :NOTES: HOT BLOODED :NOTES: :NOTES: LOOK AT MY DICK :NOTES: spigot: :NOTES: IT'S GONNA SQUIRT YOU UP :NOTES::NOTES: WITH STRAWBERRY QUIK :NOTES: pants: YOU SHOULD GETTHAT LOOKED AT spigot: I LITERALLYJUST TOLD YOUTO DO THAT

atandt: ALL GAY HERE deuce: SHUT UP

spigot: YOUR FACE IN THE DOG SHIT FOREVER pants: THE MOUTH IS NOT A TOY, PEOPLE

spigot: ARE WE NOT ROLLING spigot: OKAY NEVERMIND spigot: FORGET ABOUT IT

pants: I CAN'T BLOG IF YOU TURN ME INSIDE OUT net: I'M NOT HERE pants: ALSO I ASK THAT YOU MOLEST ME MORE EFFICIENTLY (BEFORE THE LIGHT TURNS GREEN) net: THIS IS NOT HAPPENING pants: SAY WILL YOU TAKE A CHECK net: NOT HERE, NOT HAPPENING

pants: MY TURN pants: HURFF DUH BLURFFF pants: OKAY WHO'S NEXT

pants: ooh ooh / baby baby pants: can i take the bag off my head now pants: i swear to god i won't tell anybody where your fortress of solitude is

spigot: I MISS THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHERE I COULD CHOKE DOWN A 12 OZ DONG AT THE CORNER POKERY pants: BUT I DON'T MISS THE PART WHERE YOU WACK MY NUTS WITH A STICK FOR FORTY MINUTE STRETCHES

spigot: if a dog dies, does it go to heaven pants: yes spigot: so if my childhood dog dies we will be reunited, is that correct pants: yes spigot: will i have to clean up 40 years of dog shit all over heaven spigot: surprise, this is a crank call spigot: clonk ba-donk spigot: donk bonk donk ba-donk hello oh donk ba-donk spigot: cause i'm not really good with warm plastic bags spigot: what i'd do is pretend i was the gate keeper and just hand people scoops like they're disneyland janitors and say it's a 30 day trial period spigot: how we doin' on time

spigot: BY MY CALCULATIONS THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN A SECOND JIZZER spigot: THESE ARCS AND SPURTS AND LINES INDICATE TWO SEPARATE AND DISTINCT DIRECTIONS pants: FORWARD pants: AND BACK pants: FORWARD pants: AND BACK pants: FORWARD pants: AND HULAGHLAHUGLUA BACK spigot: BAGHLAGHULAG

spigot: YOU COULD POKE THE JOINT INTO THE BURRITO AND LIGHT IT AND MAKE A BURRITO BONG LIKE THE MEXICANS FROM THE DAYS OF THE PILGRIMS

atandt: BOTH OF YOU AT THE SAME TIME atandt: I THINK THERE'S A PRIVATE JIZZ PARTY GOING ON spigot: MORE LIKE A BONEQUEST JIZZ FESTIVAL spigot: PROUD TO SPONSOR TODAY'S THREE PANELS

spigot: IF YOU TAKE FOUR LUMPY, BUCKEYED POTATOES AND CARELESSLY JAM THUMBTACKS IN THEM LIKE OVERSIZED FUCKED-UP TEETH YOU HAVE THE CAST OF STRANGER THINGS spigot: AND THAT'S JUST WINONA RYDER

spigot: FOUR MORE PRICKS spigot: FOUR MORE PRICKS spigot: FOUR MORE PRICKS spigot: FOUR MORE HURMPH spigot: PANK YOU

pants: LET ME CLIMB ON TOP AND I'LL EXPLORE THE PEAK deuce: OH GOD spigot: DOES FARTING MAKE YOU AUTOMATICALLY GAY BECAUSE I HAD ABOUT FOUR POTATOES

deuce: WHAT DO YOU MEAN KIND OF pants: WELL I'M SUCKING 4 RIGHT NOW deuce: I SEE pants: I CAN FIT YOU IN FOR A QUICK LUNCHTIME pants: HNLAUGH LUHGKLUBLAUG HLAUHGLUAHLGA GHLASHGLAHGLG OKAY NEVERMIND deuce: FAG

spigot: FIVE MORE HOLE ALBUMS?!?!!?!? GREAT!!!!!! spigot: DEAR SIR IN CHARGE!!!!!! IT ONLY MAKES SENSE TO EXTRACT ALBUMS FROM PEOPLE WHO CAN DELIVER A RETURN ON THE INVESTMENT!!!!! LOVE, ABRAHAM LINCOLN deuce: IS THERE ANYTHING HE DOESN'T KNOW spigot: FOUR SCORE AND SEVEN ........ BREWS AGO!!!! [GUITAR MUSIC, GIRLS]

spigot: DOES ANYBODY EVEN SEE THESE GREY THINGS deuce: THE FLAPPY BATTY THINGS ATTACKING YOU ???? deuce: NO spigot: HOMPTH

pants: WELP ANOTHER SUNDAY WHERE I BUY FRESH BAKED BREAD FROM THE FARMER’S MARKET AND EAT HALF THE LOAF ON THE DRIVE HOME spigot: TRY MY PATENTED FOUR-LOAF SUPERSYSTEM

pants: NOW WE ARE 14 deuce: MY DICK SOLVES CRIMES

spigot: HURRRRRRRR A DESK FULL OF PILLS AND KLEENEX AND PEACH-SCENTED LOTION spigot: EVERYTHING MAKES ME SICK!!!! spigot: I'M EITHER FRAIL AND BIRDLIKE OR FAT IN A RAIDERS JACKET

pants: printing an 24x18 picture of myself, framing it, signing it with a silver pen, wrapping it, merry christmas pants: smiling, thumbs up

spigot: EC{E{CE{{EC{E{{CE{{CE{ FRASH PRUGIN {E[C{E[CE[CE[CE[

spigot: I'M GAY DUE TO A FREAK TRANSPORTER ACCIDENT

spigot: I'M NOT COMFORTABLE IN THIS HABITAT pants: T SPIGOT I WANTED TO SPEND MORE TIME FREAKING OUT ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD WITH A GUN

pants: LET US REMIND OURSELVES THAT WE ARE IN GOD'S PRESENCE

atandt: FREE TIME ON YOUR HANDS? THINK DICK

pants: LET'S PRAY TO JESUS CHRIST FOR DICK deuce: SURELY OUR LORD AND SAVIOR WILL BRING US DICK (FOR FREE) deuce: BECAUSE PAYING FOR DICK MAKES US SAD pants: AND JESUS WANTS US TO BE HAPPY pants: THEREFORE: FREE DICK OR ELSE WE WORSHIP FALSE IDOLS deuce: HEY THE SMOOTH FONTS ARE GONE

spigot: I'M ON TOP OF THE DONKEY NOW spigot: COCKS AND NUTS AND BALLS AND DICKS spigot: SPLASH MY JIZZ ON STUPID CHICKS spigot: LET'S SING A SONG A BONERS, A SONG A QUEERS spigot: JERKING / JERKING spigot: ALL FALL DOWN spigot: GETTING DOWN OFF THE DONKEY

spigot: WAIT WAIT WAIT spigot: YOU'RE TELLING ME THESE ARE ***FREE*** DOWNLOADS AND I CAN JUST CLICK HERE TO GET THEM spigot: OKAY ONE MORE TIME

deuce: T SPIGOT ARE YOU JULIA CHANEL OR NO spigot: T DEUCE PLEASE RESTART YOUR MACINTOSH

spigot: I JUST TOLD SOME STUPID MARKETING WHORE SHE WAS A HOT LITTLE FILLIE!!!!! spigot: AND SHE MADE ONE OF THOSE "MAD, OUTRAGED" FACES spigot: THEN I PULLED HER BLOUSE UP OVER HER HEAD AND SQUEEZED HER TITTIES RIGHT THROUGH HER BRA!!!!!! spigot: WELL BACK TO LOOKING AT PORN spigot: FREE KEVIN !!! spigot: I PLEAD GUILTY spigot: NEVER MIND !!! deuce: GGGG

deuce: TOGETHER pants: FOREVER deuce: UNTIL DEATH DO US PAR [[[TRANSMISSION INTERRUPTED BY MURDER-SUICIDE]]] pants: WISH ME LUCK (PUSHES OWN FACE INTO TOILET, FLUSHES) deuce: (LAST DYING BREATH) FREE MARS.

pants: AND IT TURNS OUT THE DICKS WERE HIDING IN THE SECRET ANN FRANK HOLE THE ENTIRE TIME pants: ANY QUESTIONS spigot: JOIN #DISNEYDADS pants: #0!!!!!!!!DAD&DAUGHTERSEX spigot: HURRICANE GERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deuce: HUHHH pants: HI deuce: I AM AN FTL TRANSMITTER AND CAN SEND MY MESSAGES INTO THE FOURTH DIMENSION AND THAT IS HOW THEY ECHO BACK pants: HOW DID YOU GET INTO LOWERCASE deuce: GHLAHGULAHGULAHUGLAHG pants: HOLY FUCKING SHIT DUDE

deuce: MY QUESTION IS WHO OWNS THE DICKS pants: UH pants: NOBODY pants: THEY'RE FREE TO ROAM AS THEY PLEASE

deuce: I'D LIKE TO SHARE MY DEEP PHILOSOPHY OF FREE SOFTWARE WITH YOU: FFHHHTH THTHTHH FHFH HUGE COILED SHIT FOR YOUR GAZE

ozone: I SAW SOME FREE-RANGE COCKS UP AROUND THE CORNER ozone: SHOULD I GO UP THERE AND SEE IF I CAN CATCH ONE ozone: NOBODY LIVES THERE, IT'S NOT LIKE THESE COCKS JUST WANDERED OFF ozone: MAYBE THEY'RE DUMB ENOUGH TO WALK INTO A CAT CARRIER ozone: I HAVEN'T DONE THIS BEFORE

spigot: I HAVE A BAG OF FREEZE-DRIED APRICOTS spigot: HUALGHLUAGHLUAG spigot: YOU ARE REALLY CHOKING ME NOW WITH THAT SKI POLE

spigot: FREEZE FRAME BEATING OFF: IT WAS OUTTA RESPECT

deuce: CURSE YOU STOUFFER'S FRENCH BREADED PIZZAS deuce: YOU CUT AND BURN THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH EVERY SINGLE TIME deuce: BUT I CANNOT SAY NO TO YOU

deuce: IF STOUFFER'S DIDN'T MAKE FRENCH BREADED PIZZAS I'D HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO HUNT OR SOMETHING

spigot: FRENZIED PROTESTERS IN PESHAWAR SET FIRE TO THE AMERICAN FLAG, THEN RIPPED IT APART AND ATE THE SMOULDERING REMNANTS spigot: WHILE AMERICA WATCHED FRASIER spigot: FOLLOWED BY A BONUS FRASIER

pants: MMMMMMM WARM BALLS FRESH FROM THE OVEN

spigot: FUCK YOUR FACE pants: FRESH HOT BACON IS ALL I SEE

pants: DICKS!!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: WHERE pants: DUNNO pants: WAS HOPING YOU HAD SOME deuce: FRESH OUT

spigot: CARROTS AND CELERY ARE THE REAL CANCER STICKS spigot: WEIRDLY I HAVE NO PROBLEM WHITTLING ZUCCHINIS INTO THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL spigot: I WHITTLE THEM UNTIL THEY'RE GONE AND WE CAN'T HAVE ZUCCHINI

pants: BACON BACON BACON BACON spigot: FRESH HOT BURF [SILENCE]

deuce: HI !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: WE SEEM TO BE HAVE DISCONNECTED spigot: DOOTDOOTDOOT DOOTDOOTDOOT IF YOU'D LIKE TO LICK A DICK PLEASE HANG UP AND TRY YOUR CALL AGAIN DGONDGONDGOND GONDGONDGON DGONDGONDG *BEEP!*

spigot: FRESHLY BAKED DONGS!!!!!!! deuce: WHAT deuce: WHERE spigot: POINTING!!!!!!!!

spigot: I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW A "FAGGOT" CAN ALSO MEAN A TIGHTLY-WRAPPED BUNDLE OF DICKS!!!! spigot: I MEAN STICKS spigot: GUESS I HAD A FREUDIAN SPLURT!!! I MEAN SPLUTTERY FACE!!!! I MEAN FAGGOTY SLOBBERGBLKGPTH deuce: A DICK STAT

spigot: I UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'RE CALLING IT THE ART OF DICKLICKING BUT DOES IT NEED TO BE A THREE-DAY SEMINAR AT THE HILTON

pants: COSPLAY pants: LARPING pants: FILKING pants: RELOADING

spigot: DO WE HAVE A GO-TO-MARKET STRATEGY FOR MY PENIS deuce: CONVERSATION COMPLETE. NO MORE COMMUNICATION WITH ME NEEDED deuce: EVER spigot: FRIENDLY BUMP deuce: PERFECT 440 HZ SINE WAVE spigot: FRIENDLY SQUIRT deuce: COSMIC BACKGROUND HUM

: Below: Pants from Jerkcity, a cornfed American beauty pants: IT IS HAPPENING AGAIN pants: HUHHHHHHHHHHHH pants: NO IT'S REALLY NOT (pants): SO DIZZY .(pants): SO TIRED pants: NUGGGGGGGGGGGGH pants: FIGHT FAIR YOU BIG FAT DIRTY BONG YOU (KISSING NOISES)

spigot: WITH FRIENDS LIKE THAT!!!!!!!! CUT MY DICK OFF

spigot: REID FLEMING IS BACK IN MY LIFE AND I FUCKING HATE IT deuce: WHO'S THAT spigot: JUST SOME IDIOT spigot: OH GOD I JUST WANT TO DIE

spigot: I WOULD PLACE AN ENTERTAINING MOVIE ABOVE FRIENDSHIP

deuce: GET ME SOUP AND THEN GIVE ME A HANDJOB (THAT'S WHAT FRIENDSHIP MEANS)

pants: I AM NOT EMBARASSED BY MY ERECTION deuce: YOUR ERECTION IS FRIGHTENING CHILDREN EVERYWHERE SO IT IS NOT SO MUCH SOMETHING TO BE EMBARASSED ABOUT BUT RATHER SOMETHING TO BE CONTROLLED AND REGULATED deuce: T SPIGOT AND AS FOR YOU YOU KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING RIGHT NOW (YOU GIVE ME A LAP DANCE) spigot: BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE BEETLEGBLBLGP pants: I AM A MONSTER

pants: :NOTES: ALL DRESSED UP spigot: WITH BUTTONSAND BOWS :NOTES: spigot: :NOTES: YOU'RE SUCKINGOUR DICKS pants: THAT'S JUSTHOW IT GOES :NOTES:

deuce: THERE'S A NEW 4K BLURAY RELEASE OF STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE!!! pants: TWAS EVER WAS effigy: SO MUCH FROG ACTION deuce: FOG ON FROG FROTTAGE (FROGTAGE) effigy: FROG ON FROG CRIME deuce: FROG CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS pants: FIRST-DEGREE MURDER AND CORPSE CONCEALMENT

pants: SPIGOT LICKS DICK spigot: I BEG YOUR PUHHLGLHGLHGLHG

deuce: WHY ARE YOU STILL UP pants: COUNTING FROG EGGS

deuce: I DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH FROGS YOU SEE(TOADS, WHATEVER, SHUT UP) net: I'M AFRAID TO JACK OFF deuce: T NET WHAT A PREDICAMENT net: T DEUCE MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME

spigot: FRISBEE GOLF OR AS I CALL IT ............ FROLF deuce: WHILE FILKING (FROLFILKING)

atandt: T DEUCE I'D LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT I'LL BE WANG CHUNGING FROM 6PM TO 8PM TONIGHT deuce: T ATANDT YOU ANNOUNCE THAT EVERY SINGLE DAY SIR atandt: T DEUCE CAN'T STOP THE CHUNGING deuce: T ATANDT WANG CHUNG MEANS "PERFECT BLOWJOB"

pants: can i transition from a man to a butterfly (is that the law) deuce: what are your pronouns pants: SUCK AND FUCK ROOM

spigot: I CAN SEE HOW GAY YOU ARE FROM ALL THE WAY OVER HERE deuce: IS THAT MY CUE

deuce: OH MY JESUS FROM BOTH SIDES deuce: OH THOSE AREN'T DICKS deuce: OH MY GOD THEY ARE

dick: FLITTING ABOUT FROM DICK TO DICK LIKE A HUMMINGBIRD IN SEARCH OF NECTAR deuce: BANG

spigot: I'M TALKING ABOUT LOVING, MONOGAMOUS DICKLICKING INSTEAD OF JUST CAVALIERING FROM DONG TO DONG

spigot: I'M TALKING ABOUT LOVING, MONOGAMOUS DICKLICKING INSTEAD OF JUST CAVALIERING FROM DONG TO DONG

spigot: I'M TALKING ABOUT LOVING, MONOGAMOUS DICKLICKING INSTEAD OF JUST CAVALIERING FROM DONG TO DONG

spigot: I'M TALKING ABOUT LOVING, MONOGAMOUS DICKLICKING INSTEAD OF JUST CAVALIERING FROM DONG TO DONG

spigot: I'M TALKING ABOUT LOVING, MONOGAMOUS DICKLICKING INSTEAD OF JUST CAVALIERING FROM DONG TO DONG

pants: ah of course (stroking lenin beard) deuce: the dictatorship of the proletariat is at hand deuce: from each according to their gifts, to each according to their capacity to accept huge quantities of dick pants: the good of the state is the good of the urk choking and being choked at the same time

pants: LAST NIGHT WE AGREED NOT TO BE GAY FROM NOW ON AND YOU BLEW IT MISTER pants: WE AGREED pants: AND NOW I HAVE TO DESTROY YOU (SLOWLY PUTTING LID ONTO JAR, CRYING, SINGING NATIONAL ANTHEM TO DISTRACT MYSELF)

spigot: FROM NOW ON PLEASE ADDRESS ME AS EITHER "DOCTOR WHO" OR "THE DOCTOR" spigot: OR JUST "DOCTOR" OR "ZAPHOD" spigot: TELL DEUCE Q*BERT WOULD ALSO BE ACCEPTABLE deuce: T MINUS TWO MINUTES

spigot: SOMETIMES I VISIT THE HUMANE SOCIETY AND LET ALL THE DOGS PISS ON MY FACE AT ONCE spigot: I'LL SEE YOU ON ALT.TV.3RD-ROCK !!!!!!!! spigot: FROM THE SUN

pants: OKAY, FROM THE TOP, THIS TIME I’LL LISTEN AND TAKE NOTES: HOW DOES ONE GO ABOUT POOING spigot: DICK LICKER / DICK LICKER / LICK ME A DICK spigot: SUCK ME A PRICK / TODAY spigot: COCK SUCKER / COCK SUCKER / SUCK ME A COCK spigot: AND THEN / I WILL JUST GO AWAY spigot: (C) TOM LEHRER

pants: COULD YOU TWO PLEASE GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER pants: OKAY FROM THE TOP pants: HOOO BOY I'M GLAD THAT'S LASJGHKSDHKSFHBSIDFHU &SDF BKSDF *YHSF

pants: FALLING FROM THE TRADE CENTER deuce: SHOOTING YOU AS YOU FALL SO THAT WE CAN MAKE A SOCRATIC FIRST-SEMESTER LEGAL QUESTION BECOME FACT

: We now return to Spigot the Bear already in progress spigot: FROSTED FACES spigot: THEY'RE GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

spigot: SO ANYHOO THE VIDEO STORE GUY LIED ABOUT AN ALLEGED SEQUEL TO "FACESTUFFING FRENZY" spigot: THEY'RE LIKE NIGHT AND DAY TO BE QUITE FRRRRRR HUHHHHHHGLE OW FRANK deuce: IT'S HARD WHEN YOUR OWN FRIENDS TURN ON YOU LIKE THAT spigot: DOSES

spigot: WHAT'S THE POINT OF WHIPPING OUT MY HAND WITH LIGHTNING FAST CAT-LIKE REFLEXES TO GRAB AND SQUEEZE A FRUITFLY IF WHEN I OPEN MY HAND IT FLAPS OUT UNHARMED INTO MY FAT STUPID FACE

deuce: LET'S GET FRUITY EXPENSIVE HIGH-TECH FOUNTAIN PENS AND PRETEND LIKE WE'RE IMPORTANT

ozone: FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ozone: OKAY THERE (ozone): THE SYSTEM IS BEING SHUT DOWN NOW!!! .(deuce): WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT GUY ANYWAY

: KNOW THIS, DEAR READER, THAT SPIGOT AND DEUCE HAD THEIR EYESIGHT COMPLETELY RESTORED AND THERE WAS NO NEED FOR ANYBODY TO DRAW ANY MORE RED X'S EVER AGAIN. deuce: FUCK A DUCK : HE'S ALL THINKING, "DUH, I LOVE DICK" spigot: YOU AND YOUR POTTY MOUTH ARE GOING TO BE THE END OF JERKCITY deuce: APPLE BAPPLE

spigot: I'VE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME PEOPLE spigot: FUCK & SUCK CAMP spigot: LAKE HUGHRLHGLUHRLBGRLBTHGK