deuce: MAX HARDCORE'S GOLDEN GUZZLERS spigot: AVAILABLE AT IHOP ??????

pants: NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT YOUR GOLF CLUB spigot: HOW CAN YOU HAVE ANY DAWKINS IF YOU DON'T EAT YOUR KRAUSS deuce: KRAUSS TASTES LIKE DIRT deuce: WAIT I'M THINKING OF BRAZIL NUTS

deuce: it's more of a pencil dick pants: one of those little golf pencils, not a no 2 deuce: you will address me as sir pants: i thought you transitioned deuce: I did but that doesn't mean I wasn't knighted

spigot: WEIRD AL IS ***BACK***!!!!!!!!!! spigot: OKAY HE'S GONE AGAIN

pants: THE LITTLE TIVO GUY IN THE UPPER LEFT HAND CORNER OF THE SCREEN IS DRUNK (HE'S WOBBLING MORE THAN USUAL FOR A THURSDAY)

pants: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT pants: CAN'T WE TAKE A DAY OFF ?!? pants: UP YOURS FAGGOT

pants: HAVING MISTAKEN ALL AROUND HIM FOR A COFFEE SHOP HE TRIES TO ORDER THE BIGGEST FAGGIEST PINKEST DRINK POSSIBLE AND SUCCEEDS BEYOND HIS WILDEST DREAMS

spigot: I LIKE THE BONG BUT I PREFER THE PIPE

pants: DB<3> X $DATAGRAM pants: 0 'GAYNESS PERSONIFIED' pants: WELP THE DEBUGGER IS GOOD AND GAY NOW (AND HOW)

spigot: I CALL THEM "GOOD ATTITUDE SEEDS" AND YOU WATER THEM WITH EDUCATION!!!!!!

deuce: SPLURP deuce: GOOD DAY TO YOU SIR/MADAME

spigot: PUTIN'S PEACEKEEPING TANKS spigot: THESE TWO COUNTRIES SHOULD MERGE ANYWAY SO THERE'S A SINGLE SOURCE OF PROSTITUTES (GOOD FOR CONSUMERS) pants: WHY ARE THEIR FACES WEIRD OR OFF UNCANNY VALLEY-STYLE spigot: WE ARE DEAD INSIDE LIKE ROBOT spigot: THEY PRONOUNCE IT ROBUT spigot: WE HAVE MATTRESS AND CAM

pants: GOOD GOD WATCH ME LICK DICK pants: NO CARRIER

deuce: BEAT ME OFF pants: RELEASE THE HOSTAGES FIRST deuce: NO PROMISES

spigot: yes, good hello i would like to report a coronavirus symptom spigot: there's a tingling sensation in my erectioNNNNNNNnnnn spigot: >>> ejaculates <<< spigot: ha ha you do phone sex spigot: clonk / ba-donk

spigot: GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!!! spigot: GOOD MORNING spigot: GOOD MORNING spigot: GOOD MORNING spigot: GOOD MORNING spigot: GOOD MORNING spigot: GOOD MORNING clark: HUG-AH-LUG-AH spigot: GOOD MORNING spigot: GOOD MORNING deuce: KYS spigot: GOOD MORNING spigot: GOOD MORNING spigot: GOOD MORNING spigot: GOOD MORNING spigot: GOOD MORNING spigot: GOOD MORNING spigot: GOOD MORNING spigot: GOOD MORNING spigot: GOOD MORNING spigot: SHOW BOBS AND VAGENE

spigot: ATHERTON RESIDENT, MASTURBATOR pants: GOD'S BUTTHOLE effigy: WELL GOOD MORNING ALL deuce: IT'S A MIGHTY FINE DAY FOR US TO FIGHT INFLATION deuce: WITH OUR FISTS

deuce: I GOTTA SHIT

pants: DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS DICKS GOOD MORNING DICKS DICKS DICKS

deuce: I THINK IT'S TIME FOR BED pants: GOOD NIGHT FATNUTS spigot: GOOD NIGHT SHITBAG atandt: GOOD NIGHT FUCKFACE net: GOOD NIGHT GAY VITO caveman: UGGGGGH ozone: GOOD NIGHT YOU WEAK SISTER dick: GOOD NIGHT BITCHTITS effigy: GOOD NIGHT YOU BIG FUCKING IDIOT lobster: GOOD NIGHT HEATHEN bung: GOOD NIGHT BABY LOVE U deuce: FUCK ALL OF YOU

pants: I'M GOING TO BED pants: WAKE ME UP WHEN THE PROSTITUTES GET HERE deuce: THEN THAT WOULD TECHNICALLY QUALIFY AS A NAP pants: JUST WAKE ME IN TIME OTHERWISE YOU'RE MY PROSTITUTE deuce: ROGER THAT

deuce: COCKS pants: COCKS INDEED !!!!!! GOOD SIR I APPLAUD YOUR SUPPORT deuce: HANDLE ME pants: MANHANDLE OR JUST REGULAR HANDLE deuce: JUST GET DOWN ON IT

pants: CHOOO CHOOOOOOO HUGALUGALUGAHUG CHOOOOOOOO HLAGHLUHLAUHGLUAHGLAG CHOOOO CHOOOOO

deuce: CAN WE JUST AGREE THAT MY MOUTH IS A RECEPTACLE AND _NOT_ A TOILET pants: EITHER WAY TAMPONS DON'T GO IN THERE pants: YOU CAN'T FLUSH THOSE GODDAMN THINGS pants: OR CAN YOU???????????????????????????????????????? pants: NO

spigot: IT'S GOOD TO BE HOME!! WHIRRRRR ***FLOOOSOOOOSHH*** OH GOD pants: RING RING RING RING BEEEEEEP DID YOU GET THE URINE CLICK

deuce: T PANTS I'M GOING TO POKE YOU WITH MY DICK deuce: T PANTS AND WHEN YOU DON'T RESPONSE I'M GOING TO POKE YOU AGAIN deuce: T PANTS EVENTUALLY I WILL DISCOVER THAT YOU'RE DEAD AND MOVE ON (AFTER A GOODBYE POKE) pants: T DEUCE THEN BRING YOUR FRIENDS INTO THE WOODS TO SEE MY BODY AND POKE ME WITH THEIR DICKS deuce: T PANTS HEY WHATEVER I DON'T PLAN THAT FAR AHEAD

spigot: SO I'LL SAY GOODBYE TO EVERYONE IT WAS REAL FUN HANGING OUT BUT OBVIOUSLY I DON'T BELONG HERE spigot: LEAVING NOW spigot: SERIOUSLY PRACTICALLY ALL THE WAY OUT THE DOOR spigot: PUTTING ON MY JACKET FOR REAL spigot: HI GANG I'M SOME OTHER GUY NAMED SPIGOT (NOT THE SAME GUY FROM BEFORE)

spigot: TRYING TO ADMIRE MY OWN HARDON spigot: NOTE: COACH AND WINGS ARE CHANGING PLACES THIS WEDNESDAY (spigot): GOODNIGHT FAT BALLS

pants: GOODNIGHT MOUTH pants: PUTTING YOU TO REST FOR AN HOUR SO YOU DO NOT OVERHEAT ON ME AGAIN pants: JUST pants: THAT pants: GAY

deuce: GOOGLE SEARCH WILL BE DECOMMISSIONED AS OF AUGUST, 2016 pants: FINALLY

bung: NO CLEAR RESULTS FROM GOOGLE ON "SMOOTH BUDDY"

spigot: IF I HAD BUT ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE MYSELF spigot: IT WOULD BE GOONING SMALL DICK PENIS PUMPER deuce: FUCKO spigot: NO, IT WOULD BE WHAT I SAID deuce: THAT'S SHORT FOR WHAT YOU SAID

spigot: I'M THE FRUITLESS SUPER-GENE

pants: I'M A GOOSENECK LAMP pants: EVER HOLD THE SMOKE IN FOR SO LONG THAT YOU EXHALE NOTHING ?????? WRITE BACK deuce: ALSO HOW DO YOU EXPOSE YOURSELF WHILE DRIVING deuce: THAT SOUNDS HARD pants: YOU NEED A TALL WANG

pants: "I WONDER WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT S3E8" AND THEN BOOOOOOM I AM A MAN TODAY spigot: WELL PERHAPS A DAY WILL COME WHEN WE (((UNPACK))) WHAT WE WATCHED spigot: MEANWHILE: SILENT pants: IT'S STILL TOO MUCH LIKE WALKING IN ON MOM AND DAD DOIN' IT, CAN'T DISCUSS pants: OR DAD AND OTHER DAD spigot: Y pants: DAD AND ALL HIS FRIENDS FROM THE GYM pants: AND MOM'S ON THE PORCH AND SHE'S SIPPING ICED TEA CRYING SILENT TEARS pants: AND spigot: PRESSING PLAY AND RECORD

pants: MAKE LOVE TO THE DUCK ozone: OH YEAH deuce: OW OW OW deuce: OH YOU MEAN **TO** THE DUCK deuce: GOT IT deuce: OW OW OW

spigot: SQUIRTCAST, SHITSTREAM, CATBOX spigot: MINECRAFT pants: SKEPCHICKS WITH LAPTOP GEEK STICKERS ("GOT RAILS?????") pants: DIGITAL PENETRATION

pants: YOU ARE ALL MY CHILDREN NOW deuce: CAN I LEGALLY DIVORCE YOU, GIVEN THAT YOU'RE MY PARENT deuce: IS THAT A THING BECAUSE I THINK THAT'S A THING AND I WOULD LIKE IT TO OCCUR pants: GOT YOUR NOSE deuce: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY NOSE WAIT SHITHEAD THAT'S NOT EVEN MY NOSE THAT'S CLEARLY YOUR THUMB deuce: FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU deuce: FOOL ME TWICE, IMPOSSIBLE BECAUSE I'VE ALREADY MURDERED YOU FOR FOOLING ME ONCE pants: AHHHHHHHHHHH THAT’S MY THUMB AHHHH

effigy: WHAT DO I NOT HAVE THAT I NEED TO GET to sate my consumerism ? pants: grindr pants: totally assuming you can also order hoagies or subs with the same app deuce: gotta be

net: MY PANTS ARE FILLED WITH A LIGHT CREAM SAUCE deuce: HOLLANDAISE ?!?!?!? ALFREDO ?!?!?!? net: I DO NOT KNOW BUT PLEASE GRAB A LADLE AND HELP YOURSELF deuce: EXCELLENT

pants: +ANAL +"FIRST TIME" -AFFLECK [Obscured] -CLOONEY -PITT

spigot: YOU BE THE DOCTOR AND I'LL BE SARAH JANE SMITH spigot: NO YOU BE SARAH JANE SMITH AND I'LL BE PANTS AND DEUCE spigot: URF HURRRRRR GRABBING AND GROPING spigot: THIS STALL WILL BE OUR POLICE BOX spigot: IT SEEMS SMALLER ON THE INSIDE SOMEHOW (GLUGLUGLUGLUG SOAP CAKES)

pants: I GET GRABBY AND GAY WHEN I DRINK

pants: DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE (AND SUCK ALL THE DICKS DOWN THERE) pants: WE'RE GOING TO AGE GRACEFULLY AREN'T WE deuce: NOPE

spigot: i went to the bottom of the grand canyon spigot: i had to go down on a donkey

pants: YEAH pants: GO ON pants: MAKE IT HURT

spigot: FOR A GRAND TOTAL OF............... GAY spigot: TAX............... GAY

pants: GRANDMA SAYS I SHOULDN'T PULL IT OUT deuce: GRANDMA'S ALWAYS RIGHT

spigot: THE CALIFORNIA RAISINS LOOK UNVAXXED

pants: I'M A LOW CLOUD LINGERING BY THE OCEAN AND ALSO OVER SANTA CLARA VALLEY atandt: BONG SMOKE deuce: I LOVE YOU LOW CLOUD pants: YOU CALL THAT A GRAPEFRUIT atandt: I HAVE A JERKCITY FEATURE REQUEST atandt: CRICKETS deuce: FARAWAY BOMB STRIKES deuce: I'M AFRAID WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PUT YOU BACK UP IN THE SKY AS A LOW CLOUD deuce: TRY NOT TO GET ARRESTED THIS TIME pants: YOUR RAPE ROOM AND MY METH LAB ???? (FLOATING TO HEAVEN)

pants: GRAPES pants: SPECIFICALLY: pants: MY GRAPES

pants: I JUST WATCHED A GRASSHOPPER TAKE A SHIT ON PBS spigot: MAYBE THAT WILL LEAD KIDS TO SHIT THEMSELVES IN THE CLASSROOM

pants: AN OPEN LETTER TO THE POLICE OFFICER WHO SAVED MY AUTISTIC SON pants: YOU STUPID SHIT

bung: <<SMOOCH>>! deuce: T BUNG I OBJECT TO THE GRATUITOUS USE OF ANGLE BRACKETS

deuce: STRAIGHT TO HELL FOR YOU AND YOU AND YOU pants: AND ME pants: DON'T FORGET ME pants: I GET TO GO TOO deuce: NOT YOU YOU'RE THE COCKSUCKING TOOL pants: ALSO THIS JUST IN STRAIGHT FROM THE FRONT LINES: HUALGHLAHLAHGLUAG : [picture of Claire]

spigot: OKAY LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE spigot: SO spigot: CARL SAGAN DIES spigot: NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON SHITS ON HIS GRAVE spigot: SUPPOSE NEIL DIES spigot: WHAT FOLLOWS ARE ENORMOUS COMPLICATIONS, UNSURE OF STRATEGY spigot: RICHARD DAWKINS SHITS ON NEIL'S GRAVE? deuce: GIANNA MICHAELS STEPS IN

deuce: I JUST WON A NOBLE PRIZE [SIC] spigot: MY PENIS LOOKS SMALL BECAUSE OF GRAVITATIONAL LENSING spigot: BUT AS YOU CAN SEE I HAVE FOUR

deuce: ARE YOU READY TO PUNCH HOOKERS FOR YOUR RACE ?!?!?!!? pants: GRAVY ALL THE TIME deuce: LET'S TOUCH IT pants: BUT I'M AFRAID deuce: THE FEAR WILL PASS (AS YOU PASS OUT) pants: VERY WELL THEN

dick: POKE ME I MEAN IT deuce: ARE YOU AN ALIEN CIVILIZATION TRYING TO COMMUNICATE WITH ME deuce: IF SO YOU WILL HAVE TO TRANSMIT IN GAY CODE deuce: I MEAN GRAY CODE deuce: OH GOD I'M FOUND OUT

deuce: I THOUGHT MAYBE I WAS PASSING A KIDNEY STONE BUT IT TURNED OUT I WAS JUST GAY deuce: RIGHT ozone: THAT WOULD EXPLAIN THE GREASY ASSHOLE deuce: LUBRICATED WITH (MUMBLE) BRAND LUBRICANT

atandt: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED bung: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED deuce: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED dick: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED hanford: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED net: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED ozone: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED pants: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED atandt: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED spigot: IF WHAT COULD BE MASTURBATED ??? spigot: OH

pants: I AM ELVRO THE ELF deuce: I'M FIDOTHE HOBBIT deuce: OH THE ADVENTURES WE'LL HAVE !!! pants: WE WILL GO EXPLORING deuce: YES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: HOW DO WE GET INTO THE DUNGEON (NOT THINKING STRAIGHT) :: HEADS STRAIGHT TOWARDS THE DOOR MARKED "MEN" pants: OKAY COME IN THERE ARE ELVES IN HERE (MUFFLED, FROM BEHIND DOOR) deuce: OKAY NOW THERE'S JUST FIDO !!! deuce: JOIN US TOMORROW FOR THE NEXT GREAT ADVENTURE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pants: SOMEBODY LICK THIS deuce: WHAT WHERE pants: THRUSTING IT BEFORE YOU AND ASKING POLITELY deuce: HURP pants: YOU ARE A GREAT AMERICAN HERO

pants: WHAT A GREAT DAY TO ACCEPT NAKED JPEGS FROM ME VIA EMAIL deuce: I'VE BEEN WAITING MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS

pants: I WISH I COULD JUST FLAP MY ARMS AND FLY AWAY FROM THE CRUELTY AND FATNESS (BUT NOT FROM THE HAMBURGERS AND HAMBURGERS WITH CHEESE) spigot: T PANTS I CALL THEM CHEESEBURGERS

pants: BEATOFF PRISON pants: HEY GANG, GREAT NEWS: BEATOFF PAROLE deuce: REGISTERED BEATOFF OFFENDER LIST pants: SUING THE GOVERNMENT TO RESTORE MY BEATOFF VOTING RIGHTS

spigot: GREAT NEWS EVERYONE!!!!!!!! spigot: I'M A METROTHEXUAL spigot: A METRO..... spigot: THTHTH THTHTHTH spigot: (SPITTING, SPLUTTERING) spigot: THTHTH THTTTHH THHHTHHT spigot: (MINCING, PRANCING) spigot: THTH THTHT TTHHTHTH spigot: .....THEXUAL!!!!!!! spigot: WITH A FAUXHAWK spigot: A FAUXHAWKING STUPID HAIRCUT

spigot: GREAT NEWS EVERYONE, YOU CAN NOW SELECT WHETHER YOU WANT YOUR CAM WHORES NUDE OR CLOTHED, AND IF YOU'D LIKE TO SEE MEN ALSO (CHECKED ON BY DEFAULT) AND WE REMOVED TAGS AND CATEGORIES AND THE DEFAULT VIEW WILL BE WHAT TOTAL STRANGERS LIKE

deuce: JUPITER'S GREAT RED SPOT LOOKS SILLY NOW deuce: YES I SAID IT deuce: I MEAN SERIOUSLY

pants: AWWWWWWWW YEAH atandt: OH YOU NASTY BOY atandt: CHRIST I'M HARD UP FOR HARDONS pants: WELL THEN pants: WE SHOULD COME HERE MORE OFTEN atandt: YOU KNOW I'M ALLERGIC TO BATONS

deuce: BUTTHOLITIS deuce: THE 21ST CENTURY'S GREATEST HEALTH PROBLEM

deuce: T SPIGOT I SEE YOU spigot: HIDING

deuce: a piss tragedy deuce: in three piss acts deuce: Greek or Shakespearean??? unclear but there's definitely a lot of piss

deuce: WHO'S UP FOR GREEN DICKS deuce: THEY'RE THE MOST EXPENSIVE

pants: WAIT WHAT'S WITH THE GREEN SCREEN, MAN hanford: YES I'LL HOLD

spigot: > be me spigot: > lick dick

spigot: I HOPE THIS EMAIL FINDS YOU DECEASED

atandt: YOU THERE BOY WHAT DAY IS THIS pants: SUCK THE DICK YOU FAT OLD MAN atandt: WHERE ARE WE pants: SOME KIND OF GAY FOXHOLE AS FAR AS I CAN TELL atandt: GRENADE pants: HLAGHLHALUAG

pants: do u want 2 piss on me deuce: I don't want to, but I must pants: grind me to a paste

spigot: NO I WOULD NOT CARE FOR A GROAT CAKE

spigot: THANKS FOR RUINING DESSERT WITH PECANS AND CRANBERRIES spigot: KNOW WHAT THIS MINT CHOCOLATE FUDGE NEEDS? HARD POMEGRANATE SEEDS pants: EAT YOUR GROATCAKES

deuce: THERE WAS A PRETTY GIRL AT THE GROCERY STORE !!!!! SO I SAID HELLO AND SHE SAID WHATEVER !!!! deuce: LONG STORY SHORT SHE'S TIED UP AND GAGGED IN THE CLOSET

deuce: WELP I TOOK A NAP AND NOW I'M GROGGY AND CONFUSED pants: BREAK ME DOWN deuce: LIKE SOME EMPTY BOXES pants: OR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: ACTUALLY YEAH, THAT pants: NUTBUSTERS, HO!

spigot: GROK IS A WORD MEANING "I'M FAT, I HAVE A HUGE U.C. BERKELEY BEARD, AND I'M AFRAID TO HIT ON GIRLS" deuce: T SPIGOT I AM GROKKING YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET IT spigot: ABSOLUTELY NOT deuce: T SPIGOT OKAY deuce: T SPIGOT I'M SORRY spigot: I GOT GAME

pants: GROPE GROPE pants: THINKING ABOUT ROBOCOP

deuce: TOUCH IT deuce: YOU FUCKING WHORE YOU TOUCH IT RIGHT NOW pants: OK deuce: MMMM YEAH MMMMM

pants: I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE YOU pants: I FOUND A WAY pants: A WAY TO MAKE YOU SMILE

deuce: PLUTO AND ITS FAGGOT MOONS pants: GROSS GAY PLANETS

net: YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME deuce: OH I THINK I AM net: PROVE IT deuce: HURRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRR GROUND INTO POWDER

spigot: EVERY TIME I WATCH GROUNDHOG DAY IT'S THE SAME STUPID MOVIE spigot: DID THE PUNXSUTAWNEY PHAG COME OUT OF HIS CLOSET AND SEE A PENIS spigot: SIX MORE MONTHS OF PENISES

deuce: WHERE IS EVERYBODY spigot: GROUP GROPE spigot: BLHLRTUBHLAISEUG()**W$ deuce: WUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

pants: LIE ON YOUR STOMACH pants: PUT YOUR HAIR IN PIGTAILS SO I CAN STEER deuce: GROW UP BIG AND STRONG deuce: EAT YOUR QUEERNUTS pants: FUCK YOU PAY ME

deuce: VISION IS GROWING BLURRY, GETTING REALLY TIRED pants: LIE BACK AND THINK OF ENGLAND

spigot: BRILLIANT spigot: ARE YOU SEEING THIS BEAUTIFUL MORNING pants: BATHROBE, COFFEE, WIENERDOG CLAMPED FIRMLY TO MY ANKLE DRAGGING IT GROWLING AROUND THE HOUSE

harriet: LET'S TALK ABOUT HOW WE NEED 90 DOLLARS TO DO OUR DRYCLEANING harriet: OOPS, CAN'T PAY THE PHONE BILL BETTER CHARGE SOME CLOTHES harriet: THIS BASE REALLY BRINGS OUT HOW HARD MATH IS FOR ME harriet: THIS FLOWERY PERFUME SURE IS NICE, WISH I WERE A MAN SO I COULD AFFORD IT harriet: IT'S SAD THAT ALL I HAVE TO OFFER IS A MOUTH harriet: MAYBE THESE BIRTH CONTROL PILLS WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER harriet: I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M SO SAD

deuce: I'M AN ATHEIST PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME pants: BUT ARE YOU AN ATHEIST WHO ALSO CONTRIBUTES TO OPEN SOURCE deuce: NO BUT I HAVE A TWITTER ACCOUNT IS THAT THE SAME THING pants: MAD DOG GRRRRRRRR deuce: I LIKE ANIME pants: GRRRRRRRR FOAMY

pants: GUB pants: BLBLBLBLB pants: GUB GUB pants: BLBLBLL pants: HGUALGHALHGLAG deuce: ARE YOU BEING A FISH AGAIN pants: GUB deuce: WE TALKED ABOUT THIS pants: YEAH I KNOW BUT deuce: WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!