spigot: SQUIRTCAST, SHITSTREAM, CATBOX spigot: MINECRAFT pants: SKEPCHICKS WITH LAPTOP GEEK STICKERS ("GOT RAILS?????") pants: DIGITAL PENETRATION

pants: YOU ARE ALL MY CHILDREN NOW deuce: CAN I LEGALLY DIVORCE YOU, GIVEN THAT YOU'RE MY PARENT deuce: IS THAT A THING BECAUSE I THINK THAT'S A THING AND I WOULD LIKE IT TO OCCUR pants: GOT YOUR NOSE deuce: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY NOSE WAIT SHITHEAD THAT'S NOT EVEN MY NOSE THAT'S CLEARLY YOUR THUMB deuce: FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU deuce: FOOL ME TWICE, IMPOSSIBLE BECAUSE I'VE ALREADY MURDERED YOU FOR FOOLING ME ONCE pants: AHHHHHHHHHHH THAT’S MY THUMB AHHHH

effigy: WHAT DO I NOT HAVE THAT I NEED TO GET to sate my consumerism ? pants: grindr pants: totally assuming you can also order hoagies or subs with the same app deuce: gotta be

net: MY PANTS ARE FILLED WITH A LIGHT CREAM SAUCE deuce: HOLLANDAISE ?!?!?!? ALFREDO ?!?!?!? net: I DO NOT KNOW BUT PLEASE GRAB A LADLE AND HELP YOURSELF deuce: EXCELLENT

pants: +ANAL +"FIRST TIME" -AFFLECK [Obscured] -CLOONEY -PITT

deuce: SOMEONE HOLD ME pants: I AM TRYING deuce: YOUR ARMS DON'T QUITE REACH pants: I AM DOING MY BEST deuce: MOVE THE PORTAL ON YOUR SIDE CLOSER TO INCREASE THE RANGE pants: PUTTING MY BACK INTO IT deuce: PULL YOUR ARMS OUT, EQUIP DUAL WIELD GRABBERS, RETRY deuce: GRABBERS AKIMBO pants: WHIRLY-GIG STYLE deuce: DO NOT WHIRLY-GIG, YOU WILL DAMAGE THE PORTAL AND CAUSE A RIFT IN SPACETIME pants: THAT IS HOW WE GET OUT OF THIS PLACE deuce: THE RIFT EXPANDS AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT, DESTROYING ALL MATTER deuce: A++++ WOULD DISRUPT AGAIN L@@K

spigot: YOU BE THE DOCTOR AND I'LL BE SARAH JANE SMITH spigot: NO YOU BE SARAH JANE SMITH AND I'LL BE PANTS AND DEUCE spigot: URF HURRRRRR GRABBING AND GROPING spigot: THIS STALL WILL BE OUR POLICE BOX spigot: IT SEEMS SMALLER ON THE INSIDE SOMEHOW (GLUGLUGLUGLUG SOAP CAKES)

pants: I GET GRABBY AND GAY WHEN I DRINK

spigot: BEFORE I LICK DICK, I LIKE TO SAY GRACE

pants: DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE (AND SUCK ALL THE DICKS DOWN THERE) pants: WE'RE GOING TO AGE GRACEFULLY AREN'T WE deuce: NOPE

spigot: i went to the bottom of the grand canyon spigot: i had to go down on a donkey

pants: YEAH pants: GO ON pants: MAKE IT HURT

spigot: FOR A GRAND TOTAL OF............... GAY spigot: TAX............... GAY

pants: GRANDMA SAYS I SHOULDN'T PULL IT OUT deuce: GRANDMA'S ALWAYS RIGHT

spigot: THE CALIFORNIA RAISINS LOOK UNVAXXED

pants: I'M A LOW CLOUD LINGERING BY THE OCEAN AND ALSO OVER SANTA CLARA VALLEY atandt: BONG SMOKE deuce: I LOVE YOU LOW CLOUD pants: YOU CALL THAT A GRAPEFRUIT atandt: I HAVE A JERKCITY FEATURE REQUEST atandt: CRICKETS deuce: FARAWAY BOMB STRIKES deuce: I'M AFRAID WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PUT YOU BACK UP IN THE SKY AS A LOW CLOUD deuce: TRY NOT TO GET ARRESTED THIS TIME pants: YOUR RAPE ROOM AND MY METH LAB ???? (FLOATING TO HEAVEN)

pants: GRAPES pants: SPECIFICALLY: pants: MY GRAPES

pants: I JUST WATCHED A GRASSHOPPER TAKE A SHIT ON PBS spigot: MAYBE THAT WILL LEAD KIDS TO SHIT THEMSELVES IN THE CLASSROOM

pants: AN OPEN LETTER TO THE POLICE OFFICER WHO SAVED MY AUTISTIC SON pants: YOU STUPID SHIT

bung: <<SMOOCH>>! deuce: T BUNG I OBJECT TO THE GRATUITOUS USE OF ANGLE BRACKETS

deuce: STRAIGHT TO HELL FOR YOU AND YOU AND YOU pants: AND ME pants: DON'T FORGET ME pants: I GET TO GO TOO deuce: NOT YOU YOU'RE THE COCKSUCKING TOOL pants: ALSO THIS JUST IN STRAIGHT FROM THE FRONT LINES: HUALGHLAHLAHGLUAG : [picture of Claire]

spigot: OKAY LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE spigot: SO spigot: CARL SAGAN DIES spigot: NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON SHITS ON HIS GRAVE spigot: SUPPOSE NEIL DIES spigot: WHAT FOLLOWS ARE ENORMOUS COMPLICATIONS, UNSURE OF STRATEGY spigot: RICHARD DAWKINS SHITS ON NEIL'S GRAVE? deuce: GIANNA MICHAELS STEPS IN

deuce: I JUST WON A NOBLE PRIZE [SIC] spigot: MY PENIS LOOKS SMALL BECAUSE OF GRAVITATIONAL LENSING spigot: BUT AS YOU CAN SEE I HAVE FOUR

deuce: ARE YOU READY TO PUNCH HOOKERS FOR YOUR RACE ?!?!?!!? pants: GRAVY ALL THE TIME deuce: LET'S TOUCH IT pants: BUT I'M AFRAID deuce: THE FEAR WILL PASS (AS YOU PASS OUT) pants: VERY WELL THEN

dick: POKE ME I MEAN IT deuce: ARE YOU AN ALIEN CIVILIZATION TRYING TO COMMUNICATE WITH ME deuce: IF SO YOU WILL HAVE TO TRANSMIT IN GAY CODE deuce: I MEAN GRAY CODE deuce: OH GOD I'M FOUND OUT

deuce: I THOUGHT MAYBE I WAS PASSING A KIDNEY STONE BUT IT TURNED OUT I WAS JUST GAY deuce: RIGHT ozone: THAT WOULD EXPLAIN THE GREASY ASSHOLE deuce: LUBRICATED WITH (MUMBLE) BRAND LUBRICANT

atandt: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED bung: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED deuce: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED dick: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED hanford: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED net: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED ozone: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED pants: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED atandt: IT WOULD BE GREAT IF THESE THINGS WERE AUTOMATED spigot: IF WHAT COULD BE MASTURBATED ??? spigot: OH

pants: I AM ELVRO THE ELF deuce: I'M FIDOTHE HOBBIT deuce: OH THE ADVENTURES WE'LL HAVE !!! pants: WE WILL GO EXPLORING deuce: YES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: HOW DO WE GET INTO THE DUNGEON (NOT THINKING STRAIGHT) :: HEADS STRAIGHT TOWARDS THE DOOR MARKED "MEN" pants: OKAY COME IN THERE ARE ELVES IN HERE (MUFFLED, FROM BEHIND DOOR) deuce: OKAY NOW THERE'S JUST FIDO !!! deuce: JOIN US TOMORROW FOR THE NEXT GREAT ADVENTURE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pants: SOMEBODY LICK THIS deuce: WHAT WHERE pants: THRUSTING IT BEFORE YOU AND ASKING POLITELY deuce: HURP pants: YOU ARE A GREAT AMERICAN HERO

pants: WHAT A GREAT DAY TO ACCEPT NAKED JPEGS FROM ME VIA EMAIL deuce: I'VE BEEN WAITING MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS

pants: I WISH I COULD JUST FLAP MY ARMS AND FLY AWAY FROM THE CRUELTY AND FATNESS (BUT NOT FROM THE HAMBURGERS AND HAMBURGERS WITH CHEESE) spigot: T PANTS I CALL THEM CHEESEBURGERS

pants: BEATOFF PRISON pants: HEY GANG, GREAT NEWS: BEATOFF PAROLE deuce: REGISTERED BEATOFF OFFENDER LIST pants: SUING THE GOVERNMENT TO RESTORE MY BEATOFF VOTING RIGHTS

spigot: GREAT NEWS EVERYONE!!!!!!!! spigot: I'M A METROTHEXUAL spigot: A METRO..... spigot: THTHTH THTHTHTH spigot: (SPITTING, SPLUTTERING) spigot: THTHTH THTTTHH THHHTHHT spigot: (MINCING, PRANCING) spigot: THTH THTHT TTHHTHTH spigot: .....THEXUAL!!!!!!! spigot: WITH A FAUXHAWK spigot: A FAUXHAWKING STUPID HAIRCUT

spigot: GREAT NEWS EVERYONE, YOU CAN NOW SELECT WHETHER YOU WANT YOUR CAM WHORES NUDE OR CLOTHED, AND IF YOU'D LIKE TO SEE MEN ALSO (CHECKED ON BY DEFAULT) AND WE REMOVED TAGS AND CATEGORIES AND THE DEFAULT VIEW WILL BE WHAT TOTAL STRANGERS LIKE

deuce: JUPITER'S GREAT RED SPOT LOOKS SILLY NOW deuce: YES I SAID IT deuce: I MEAN SERIOUSLY

pants: AWWWWWWWW YEAH atandt: OH YOU NASTY BOY atandt: CHRIST I'M HARD UP FOR HARDONS pants: WELL THEN pants: WE SHOULD COME HERE MORE OFTEN atandt: YOU KNOW I'M ALLERGIC TO BATONS

deuce: BUTTHOLITIS deuce: THE 21ST CENTURY'S GREATEST HEALTH PROBLEM

deuce: T SPIGOT I SEE YOU spigot: HIDING

deuce: a piss tragedy deuce: in three piss acts deuce: Greek or Shakespearean??? unclear but there's definitely a lot of piss

deuce: WHO'S UP FOR GREEN DICKS deuce: THEY'RE THE MOST EXPENSIVE

pants: WAIT WHAT'S WITH THE GREEN SCREEN, MAN hanford: YES I'LL HOLD

spigot: > be me spigot: > lick dick

spigot: I HOPE THIS EMAIL FINDS YOU DECEASED

atandt: YOU THERE BOY WHAT DAY IS THIS pants: SUCK THE DICK YOU FAT OLD MAN atandt: WHERE ARE WE pants: SOME KIND OF GAY FOXHOLE AS FAR AS I CAN TELL atandt: GRENADE pants: HLAGHLHALUAG

pants: do u want 2 piss on me deuce: I don't want to, but I must pants: grind me to a paste

spigot: NO I WOULD NOT CARE FOR A GROAT CAKE

spigot: THANKS FOR RUINING DESSERT WITH PECANS AND CRANBERRIES spigot: KNOW WHAT THIS MINT CHOCOLATE FUDGE NEEDS? HARD POMEGRANATE SEEDS pants: EAT YOUR GROATCAKES

deuce: THERE WAS A PRETTY GIRL AT THE GROCERY STORE !!!!! SO I SAID HELLO AND SHE SAID WHATEVER !!!! deuce: LONG STORY SHORT SHE'S TIED UP AND GAGGED IN THE CLOSET

deuce: WELP I TOOK A NAP AND NOW I'M GROGGY AND CONFUSED pants: BREAK ME DOWN deuce: LIKE SOME EMPTY BOXES pants: OR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: ACTUALLY YEAH, THAT pants: NUTBUSTERS, HO!

spigot: GROK IS A WORD MEANING "I'M FAT, I HAVE A HUGE U.C. BERKELEY BEARD, AND I'M AFRAID TO HIT ON GIRLS" deuce: T SPIGOT I AM GROKKING YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET IT spigot: ABSOLUTELY NOT deuce: T SPIGOT OKAY deuce: T SPIGOT I'M SORRY spigot: I GOT GAME

pants: GROPE GROPE pants: THINKING ABOUT ROBOCOP

deuce: TOUCH IT deuce: YOU FUCKING WHORE YOU TOUCH IT RIGHT NOW pants: OK deuce: MMMM YEAH MMMMM

pants: I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE YOU pants: I FOUND A WAY pants: A WAY TO MAKE YOU SMILE

deuce: PLUTO AND ITS FAGGOT MOONS pants: GROSS GAY PLANETS

net: YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME deuce: OH I THINK I AM net: PROVE IT deuce: HURRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRR GROUND INTO POWDER

spigot: EVERY TIME I WATCH GROUNDHOG DAY IT'S THE SAME STUPID MOVIE spigot: DID THE PUNXSUTAWNEY PHAG COME OUT OF HIS CLOSET AND SEE A PENIS spigot: SIX MORE MONTHS OF PENISES

deuce: WHERE IS EVERYBODY spigot: GROUP GROPE spigot: BLHLRTUBHLAISEUG()**W$ deuce: WUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

pants: LIE ON YOUR STOMACH pants: PUT YOUR HAIR IN PIGTAILS SO I CAN STEER deuce: GROW UP BIG AND STRONG deuce: EAT YOUR QUEERNUTS pants: FUCK YOU PAY ME

deuce: VISION IS GROWING BLURRY, GETTING REALLY TIRED pants: LIE BACK AND THINK OF ENGLAND

spigot: BRILLIANT spigot: ARE YOU SEEING THIS BEAUTIFUL MORNING pants: BATHROBE, COFFEE, WIENERDOG CLAMPED FIRMLY TO MY ANKLE DRAGGING IT GROWLING AROUND THE HOUSE

harriet: LET'S TALK ABOUT HOW WE NEED 90 DOLLARS TO DO OUR DRYCLEANING harriet: OOPS, CAN'T PAY THE PHONE BILL BETTER CHARGE SOME CLOTHES harriet: THIS BASE REALLY BRINGS OUT HOW HARD MATH IS FOR ME harriet: THIS FLOWERY PERFUME SURE IS NICE, WISH I WERE A MAN SO I COULD AFFORD IT harriet: IT'S SAD THAT ALL I HAVE TO OFFER IS A MOUTH harriet: MAYBE THESE BIRTH CONTROL PILLS WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER harriet: I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M SO SAD

deuce: I'M AN ATHEIST PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME pants: BUT ARE YOU AN ATHEIST WHO ALSO CONTRIBUTES TO OPEN SOURCE deuce: NO BUT I HAVE A TWITTER ACCOUNT IS THAT THE SAME THING pants: MAD DOG GRRRRRRRR deuce: I LIKE ANIME pants: GRRRRRRRR FOAMY

pants: GUB pants: BLBLBLBLB pants: GUB GUB pants: BLBLBLL pants: HGUALGHALHGLAG deuce: ARE YOU BEING A FISH AGAIN pants: GUB deuce: WE TALKED ABOUT THIS pants: YEAH I KNOW BUT deuce: WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!

pants: WE SHALL BEAT THEM OFF AT THE SHORES. WE SHALL BEAT THEM OFF AT THE BEACHES deuce: AND IN THE HILLS pants: SURE, THERE TOO I GUESS deuce: SEE HE WAS SAYING THEY'D RESORT TO GUERRILLA WARFARE AGAINST THE NAZIS... deuce: ...IN ORDER TO BEAT THEM OFF panst: WHATEVER IT TAKES (TO GET THEM TO BLOW THEIR NAZI LOADS)

deuce: DON'T LOOK NOW BUT GUESS WHO BEAT OFF pants: OH I HOPE THE ANSWER IS PIE

uncredited woman: GUESS WHAT !!! YOU'LL JUST DIE !!! I PLAYED A HOOKER IN JERKCITY !!! I HAD LINES AND EVERYTHING !!!

pants: T DEUCE GUESS WHAT CAME OUT OF MY BOTTOM THIS MORNING????????!?

spigot: HEY EVERYONE GUESS WHAT HAPPENS NOW THAT GOOGLE BOUGHT JERKCITY?!?!?!? spigot: THAT'S RIGHT!!!!!!!! WE ALL GET OLD NAVY PERFORMANCE FLEECE spigot: CAN WARDIAL THROUGH 408 AND 415 WITH A RECORDED SOLICITATION FOR HOOKERS

deuce: GUESS WHAT TODAY IS FOLKS deuce: IT'S "THE DEUCE ISN'T FUCKING DOING SHIT TODAY" DAY

pants: WELL THAT WAS FUN spigot: IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SUCK SOMETHING

pants: COMEDY ***AND*** MAGIC?????????? pants: WHAT IF WE ALSO HAVE A MURDER MYSTERY BUILT IN pants: YES AND spigot: MY SMOL PENIS pants: WHAT IF YOU COULD TAKE THE GUESSWORK OUT OF GIVING ME A HANDJOB

deuce: MURDER/SUICIDE PACT spigot: SIGNING THE "GUESTBOOK" spigot: WINK WINK pants: I WANT TO LIVE (CAKES, PIES)

spigot: ?????? ???????????? COCKSUCKING IN GUILLERMO DEL TORO'S CABINET OF CURIOSITIES ????????????? ?????????

deuce: ANYBODY GOT A GUILLOTINE I CAN BORROW REAL QUICK

deuce: FOR WHOM THE DONG TOLLS pants: KAFF deuce: T PANTS I HAVE NOTHING OF RELEVANCE TO ADD pants: T DEUCE KAFF

pants: IF YOU TRY HARD YOU REALLY CAN MASTURBATE TO ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY'S THEATER SECTION !!! BUT JESUS CHRIST BY THE SECOND PARAGRAPH I'M ALREADY STARTING TO WISH I WAS SOMEWHERE ELSE pants: I AM ATTEMPTING TO TRAIN MYSELF TO JERK OFF OVER HOUSEHOLD OBJECTS, MAGAZINES IN THE IMPULSE-BUY SECTION OF THE SUPERMARKET, THE LITTLE TIVO GUY pants: THUS FAR THE EXPERIMENT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS A COMPLETE FAILURE !!! I AM CHUGGING AND TUGGING YET THIS MICROWAVE CART IS NOT GETTING ANY SEXIER

pants: HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MAN DIE FROM RHYDONIUM pants: WELL NEITHER HAVE I

pants: NOM NOM NOM deuce: UNF UNF UNF dick: THIS IS THE STRANGEST GUINEA PIG FESTIVAL I'VE EVER BEEN TO

spigot: FOLKS I WOKE UP ON THE FLOOR OF THE STALL WITH NO SHOES spigot: IS THAT GULF WAR SYNDROME deuce: T SPIGOT YOU SNORTED TOO MUCH DEPLETED URANIUM spigot: ARE YOU BOB HOPE CHEERING ME UP WITH NEWS FROM HOME AND A WHORE deuce: T SPIGOT NO I AM TRYING TO TRICK YOU/DICK YOU spigot: YOU'RE PRETTY SLICK YOU spigot: FOLKS, NO MORE FUCKING VANILLA NUT BLEND

pants: GULPING DOWN FAT SACKS OF SHITBALLS pants: INFLATE ME DIG-DUG STYLE deuce: SUCK BALLS pants: I LOVE YOU

deuce: UNGH spigot: PLEASE BE QUIET deuce: FINE THEN NO MORE GUMMI BEARS FOR YOU

pants: THEN WE COULD RENAME IT GUN BUNNIES WITH OWEN WILSON AS FIVER AND BILL MURRAY AS BIGWIG

spigot: GUNFIRE FOLLOWED BY URINE BALLOONS

pants: GYPSY PISS IS BY FAR THE WORST

: PLATE LXXIX. I. : : Range: Northern Jerkcity; Southern Je : in Spring; No such thing as Western Jer : : Habitat: It may be in the sphagnum ed : open pongs, in sphagnum mats in deepe : or lakes, in wooded edges of some of th : coastal rivers, in branch swamps of Sot : strands of islands in the Southern swam : or at times in the open water-lily prairie : : July 17, 1929. Raining . . . Jerkcity is : went out in the canoe and caught some : long handled dip net. In adult size, the : individual eggs with no inner jelly caus : enlarged in the males while the females

spigot: TERMINAL OPEN!!!!!!! spigot: ****CRACKS KNUCKL-- spigot: OW OW OW

spigot: hacking the mainframe so sockington can finally say the n word

spigot: I'M GAY WHO'S WITH ME PEOPLE spigot: LET'S SEE SOME HANDS spigot: AND BALLS AND COCKS spigot: I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOU HOMOPHOBES

deuce: IN THE BOTTOM pants: CAN WE GET HOT DOGS THERE (MUSTARD, RELISH) deuce: HADRON IS A TYPE OF SUBATOMIC PARTICLE AND NOT SURPRISINGLY I SPELL IT "HARDON" deuce: ACCIDENTALLY QUITE A LOT

DEUCE: HUGGULURHUGRLULHRGH THIS IS A TOILET HAGHLSHG

spigot: I WISH TO BE QUEER WITH YOU (NO OFFENSE) PLEASE AND THANK YOU deuce: WHAT ARE YOUR QUALIFICATIONS spigot: HAHA FOOLED YOU : SPIGOT FLAPS AWAY INTO THE MOONY TWILIGHT

spigot: BIG / FUCKIN' / DICKS / IN / YOUR STUPID / FUCKIN' / FACE / NOW spigot: (HAIL TO THE CHIEF)

spigot: BIG / FUCKIN / DICKS spigot: IN MY STUPID / FUCKIN / FACE / NOW spigot: (HAIL TO THE CHIEF)

deuce: HERE'S A DICK IN YOUR HAIR pants: YOU HAVE SPERMIATED MY MOPTOP pants: MY HAIRPIECE IS NOW FORTIFIED WITH COCK

pants: RRAAPPEE IINN PPRROOGGRREESSSS CCAALLLL 991111 deuce: 10-4

pants: I CONSIDER THIS TO BE ALL THE WAY ERECT pants: HALF MAST deuce: I WANT A REFUND OF ALL THE JIZZ I'VE DEPOSITED IN YOU pants: DOWNSIZING FAST

spigot: I AM SERILY PERTURBED WITH REGARD TO HOW MANY CHIPS WERE ACTUALLY IN THE BIG PUFFY BAG spigot: MMF URMPH YOU ARE SHAKING ME AND SETTLING ME AND FINALLY SHIPPING ME pants: I WILL SHELVE YOU (PRICING GUN) spigot: I AM HALF OFF WITH A LUCKY REWARDS CARD pants: I AM INSTRUCTING OTHERS NOT TO CHECK YOU FOR RIPENESS, ETC.

atandt: THE LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR pants: OUT OF THE WAY BUB YOU'RE BLOCKING PROGRESS atandt: THIS ONLINE STORE SMELLS FUNNY