atandt: ANYONE FOR HALF-CHEWED STARBURSTS

spigot: officially halfway down to my goal weight of ten thousand pounds

spigot: WHEN WILL I MAKE THE FACIAL HALL OF FAME????? atandt: WITH A FINE ASS LIKE YOURS IT IS HARD TO SAY spigot: PRACTICE, PRACTICE

deuce: I THINK "HALLELUJAH" IS JUST A WORD CHRISTIANS MADE UP SO THEY COULD HAVE A CODE WORD dick: FOR? dick: "THANK GOD WE'RE NOT JEWS ANYMORE"? deuce: WHAT DO I FUCKING LOOK LIKE A CHRISTIAN TO YOU

: WE CAN PRICK & WE CAN POKE : WE CAN FUCK & WE CAN CHOKE : BUT THE BEST PART OF ALL : HUGALUGAH TOILET SEX deuce: I DO NOT SEE THE HALLMARK LOGO ON THE BACK GLHALGH OH MY GOD TRICKED AGAIN

deuce: OUR FATHER, WHO ART IN HEAVEN / HALLOWED BE THY NAME / AND PLEASE GET YOUR FINGER / OUT OF MY BUTT

spigot: I AM EATING A COOKIE THAT SAYS BOO!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: AND NOW IT JUST SAYS OO

spigot: HALLOWEEN PARTY IN THE GAY TOILET DOWNSTAIRS spigot: I'M GOING AS A FUCKING QUEER spigot: OR A COWBOY

spigot: NO CANDY AT THIS RESIDENCE deuce: RACKS SHOTGUN

spigot: HAM RADIO IS THE ONLY ACTIVITY I'VE EVER PURSUED WHERE I CAN LITERALLY POINT TO EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON IN THE HOBBY AND SAY YOU'RE AN IDIOT / YOU'RE A DUMBSHIT / YOU'RE AUTISTIC / YOU'RE A FUCKFACE, ETC - WITHOUT EXCEPTION (DEUCE EXCLUDED) spigot: NOT TRUE: I ALSO PURSUED MAGIC TRICKS spigot: NOT TRUE: I ALSO PURSUED WEB COMICS spigot: NOT TRUE: I ALSO [EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DONE]

deuce: CALLING ALL HOMOS, CALLING ALL HOMOS pants: GO AHEAD deuce: JUST SAYING HI pants: HEY

deuce: HAM-MERRED deuce: THAT MEANS I'M A WANNA BE HAM THAT HAS STRAYED FROM THE RIGHTEOUS PATH deuce: OKAY IT MEANS I'M DRUNK

spigot: I CAN SO USE MY HAM RADIO IN A POLITE MANNER !!! spigot: CQ CQ SEEKING DICKS AND PRICKS AND SMOOTH ASIAN BOYS BOOP BOOP

spigot: HAMBURGER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!! DING DING DING DING WAKE UP spigot: HAMBURGERS HAMBURGERS HAMBURGERS HAMBURGERS HAMBURGERS spigot: OH AMBER ALERT spigot: FOLKS THE HAMBURGER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED spigot: DING DING ETC

pants: THE HAMBURGER MENU IS MAKING ME HUNGRY

pants: HAVE YOU TRIED EATING 9 HAMBURGERS deuce: WHY THAT'S THE MOST BRILLIANT IDEA I'VE EVERBLBHALBHLHGLB HLGHBLAHBLGHBLHB

pants: HAMMY WANTS TO LEAVE SOMETHING THAT OTHERS WILL REMEMBER HIM BY pants: HAMMY WANTS TO WORK TOWARDS A GOAL THAT IS BIGGER THAN HIMSELF pants: HAMMY WANTS TO PASS KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOM ON TO FUTURE GENERATIONS pants: HAMMY WANTS TO LEAD AND TO INSPIRE AND TO BE PART OF A TEAM pants: HAMMY WANTS TO MAKE THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE FOR US ALL TO LIVE IN pants: HAMMY WANTS TO LIVE LIFE OUT LOUD, EACH AND EVERY DAY TO THE FULLEST pants: SOMETIMES HAMMY JUST WANTS A HUG AND TO BE HEARD pants: BUT, YES, MOSTLY HAMMY WANTS MCDONALDS

pants: I THINK I KNOW A HAN SOLO BLASTER WHEN I SEE IT pants: THAT IS CLEARLY A STORMTROOPER'S LASER GUN pants: ALSO THAT REPLACEMENT CAPE YOU MADE FOR LORD VADER LOOKS LIKE SHIT

: PANTS PUTS HIS HAND DOWN HIS PANTS deuce: THAT'S A PALINDROME

pants: BUT I'M WARNING YOU NO GAY GAMES pants: BY WHICH I MEAN HAND ON KNEE, TOUCHING ME ON THE LOWER BACK, SHIRTLESS IN THE HOT TUB AND SO FORTH

spigot: DID OUR BUSINESS LICENSE EXPIRE OR CAN I STILL WALK AROUND WITH A TRAY OF BONEQUEST STICKERS LIKE A CIGARETTE GIRL pants: DO YOU EVEN FIT INTO YOUR COCKTAIL DRESS

pants: SQUIRK SQUIRK FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT deuce: I'M THINKING MORE: SQUIRK SQUIRK FART SQUIRK FARRRRRT SQUIRK FART SQUIRK FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SQUIRK RRRRRRRRRRRT SQUIRK FART FTTTHPHPHP SQUIRK SQUIRK FPTHTH FARRRRT SQUIRK FARRRRRRRRT ETC.

pants: JUST HEAR ME OUT: I CALL IT "HANDJOBS FOR THE HOMELESS" pants: I DON'T SO MUCH PLAY GRAND THEFT AUTO AS MUCH AS I KILL PROSTITUTES AND COPS YEAH I KNOW pants: MAKING UNCOMFORTABLE EYE CONTACT WITH THE AUDIENCE UNTIL THE CURTAIN FINALLY, FINALLY CLOSES

spigot: HANDS UP WHO LIKES POO

spigot: HANDS UP WHO WANTS TO WORK ON A HORROR E-ZINE AFTER WORK EVERY NIGHT pants: I HAVE A STORY ABOUT A TIME-TRAVELLING MUMMY deuce: I THINK WE ALL KNOW THAT STORY ORIGINALLY APPEARED IN AMAZING FANTASY #15 pants: NOOOOOO

spigot: hands up who can punch me in the face and shoe me in the sack

deuce: HANDS UP !!!!!!!!! WHO LIKES SPANKING IT TO BLACK CHICKS (deuce): HELLO deuce: OH DON'T ACT LIKE I'M THE ONLY ONE

pants: CAN YOU MEASURE THE BACK OF MY BONER TO SEE IF I AM A CRIMINAL deuce: I CAN'T REACH deuce: THAT MEANS YOU'RE A RAPIST deuce: I'LL HAVE TO USE MY HANDY DECODER RING TO SEE IF THAT MEANS YOU'RE A CRIMINAL OR NOT

spigot: WATCHING A BUNCH OF DONGS CRAP OUT AROUND PAGE 4 spigot: HURF HUH CAN NO LONGER REMEMBER WHAT'S HAPPENING spigot: MUST FIND LYCOS AND LEARN ABOUT IRC

deuce: I HAVE A HANGOVER deuce: I WONDER WHY

pants: <color = "pink">SISTERS RESIST</pink> pants: i, sex pest pants: molecatchers unite pants: honk honk get out of the street pants: how fun it is for you (to slap my dick around) pants: i'm a boys medium pants: gen-x post-punks!!!!!!!!!!! bi but not curious pants: dizzy, more dizzy

pants: I BLAME DEUCE deuce: B-BUT deuce: I HAVE AN ALIB-B-BI: I WAS HANGING OUT WITH SPIGOT THAT DAY deuce: T SPIGOT COULD YOU DO ME A BIG FAVOR

spigot: LONG THOUGHTFUL STARE INTO SPACE

spigot: MY PENIS HANGING OUT IS NOT THE ISSUE pants: YOUR PENIS HAS BARELY TOUCHED THE SEEDBELL I BOUGHT FOR HIM

pants: I LIKE DI_K (ONLY ONE LETTER TO GO AND YOU WIN THE PRIZE) deuce: IT'S A C !!!!!!!!! pants: YOU WIN A C_CK deuce: IT'S A Q pants: CLOSE ENOUGH HAULGHALGHALUHGLAHG

spigot: HANNA BARBERA SORT OF SOUNDS LIKE HAND ME A BONER spigot: IF A COCK'S IN YOUR MOUTH spigot: (IF) spigot: CAN I ERASE THIS spigot: SERIOUSLY CAN I UNDO

pants: JOBOP pants: BOP pants: JOJO pants: JOJOJOJ pants: BOP deuce: ARE YOU HANSON?

: TODAY'S EPISODE IS INVERTED FOR THE CHINESE pants: ARE YOU AN 8 BALL CHICK deuce: I WILL GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT pants: HAPPEN TO ME deuce: YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE A PART OF THE EQUATION, JUST A VICTIM

pants: OH SHIT pants: IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN pants: FUCK GOING TOWARDS THE LIGHT !!! I WANT MY PARKING VALIDATED

spigot: IT SUCKS TO HAVE SO MUCH DIARRHEA BUT THIS IS WHAT HAPPINESS LOOKS LIKE

spigot: I FOR ONE WILL NEVER FORGET CHARLES SCHULZ!!!!! deuce: ME TOO spigot: ME THREE spigot: ME TEN FUCKING MILLION deuce: I WOULD LIKE TO ALSO CONTRIBUTE TO THIS TOPIC BY SAYING THAT I TOO WILL NEVER FORGET GAHAGLHGULHBULHAULHGLHAGLHAG WHAT'S IN ME CHARLIE BROWN

pants: SHOESHINE, GENTLEMEN? deuce: I'LL HAVE A BLOWJOB GUV pants: RIGHTO AVE A SEAT ERE ISTER deuce: I WOULD PREFER RIGHTY-O FOR MY TIGHT-LIPPED BUSY BLOWJOB : PANTS SHINES YOUR SHOES INSTEAD (FOR SOME REASON)

deuce: FUCKING FAGGOT (LET'S HAVE GAY SEX)

spigot: SPENDING 2024 ON THE TOILET

pants: AM I GAY pants: IS IT 2001 IN HAWAII YET ??? SINGAPORE ??? MONSTER ISLAND ??? pants: FYI: ALL OF THE MOTHRA GIRLS ARE PRESENTLY ENJOYING AN EXTENDED TOUR UP MY ASS

spigot: I HAD SOME GOOD CHRISTMAS JOKES SET UP AND A SPECIAL ASCII NEW YEAR'S PICTURE I WAS WORKING ON BUT NOW I JUST THINK "WHY BOTHER"

pants: T DEUCE I’M OFFICIALLY OUT OF HAPPY PILLS deuce: WELL YOU'LL FIND MY PENIS DISPENSES A SUBSTITUTE pants: DO THE CONTENTS MAKE ME HAPPY OR DO THEY MAKE YOU HAPPY deuce: [MUFFLED]

deuce: HAPPY pants: :SMILEY: deuce: SAD pants: :CRY: deuce: HAPPY pants: :SMILEY: deuce: SAD pants: :CRY: deuce: HAPPY pants: :SMILEY: deuce: GETTING FUCKEDIN THE ASS deuce: YOU HESITATED pants: :FRIES:

: PLEASE CONTACT YOUR SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR : AdbFE733 4dE78669 7Db6ae94 F7f2829 3aaCfAAf d2b6D5fa : 6e28aaA0 259aFBf8 9B3ccbB7 f28a89b9 47Ff7e93 84dBAc8d : D0Dfdd0D CBf80c1E 4Fd8B0CC bECF36A3 f095FECD B92A8CCb : bdad88aC 46c5064f b11BDcc7 Fd480ac4 affDaE16 8B4DEf0b : 7eBaFDBF dFAB30F5 651506eB F31Bbe1f B23Af4Cd c4fD5A2e : 67Da78bd FC06E678 3b9c525C eb67C41D 2a14e903 0e4EE3db : [Lag 0] [0/6 N/0 I/0 V/0 F/0] : AbF8aEf3 5f4C0Cfd 242b2feD 7bDCb7eC dd50045E FaEc3Ef3 : B97B9AbA Aa4A496d Ebe4DCca 1Ae59ecC cae6118D EE538236 : FdE87110 bbBcECc5 ef3FF8Ff 2da8adC6 B3a02ec0 RAPE SUSPECT : 5D88a8BC 7FB8d05A CEc64Fc2 245Af651 4FFAE992 19E : b71e8Be2 3D3577a5 67e70F63 e2cFcbcd Ad8A1a23 abB : IF THE JERKCITY GOES INTO BASIC, PLEASE TYPE "RUN" : IF IT GOES INTO MONITOR TYPE "3DOG" THEN "RUN"

deuce: SURE HOPE YOU HAD A MISERABLEINDIGENOUS PEOPLES' DAY spigot: I MADE YOUA HAND TURKEY deuce: I SEE IT HAS ABIG LONG NECKAND NO FEATHERS spigot: YEP spigot: YUP

deuce: [DIARRHEA SOUNDS]

spigot: JUST HAPPY TO BE HERE atandt: GOOD

pants: HELP pants: HELP I'M STUCK deuce: I'LL YANK YOU OUT deuce: (WHICH AMOUNTS TO PISSING ON YOUR FACE) pants: STUCK HARD AND FAST HERE

pants: WHAT THE HELL IS A HARDCOPY PRINTOUT WHAT KIND OF SCI-FI IS THIS deuce: ADOBE ACROBAT

:Jerkcity is love. Oh, oh, you should really be wearing a hardhat in here. dick: T DEUCE YOU "SUNK" MY "BATTLESHIP" dick: BUT NOT PANTS - YOU FLOAT MY BOAT, GIRL deuce: GIRL YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE pants: COVERED IN URINE

spigot: :POINT_RIGHT::SKIN-TONE-2: HARD :POINT_LEFT::SKIN-TONE-2: MODE :EGGPLANT: :STRAIGHT_RULER::EGGPLANT: :STRAIGHT_RULER::EGGPLANT: :STRAIGHT_RULER::EGGPLANT: :STRAIGHT_RULER::EGGPLANT: :STRAIGHT_RULER: spigot: SOMEDAY I MIGHT EVEN UNPAUSE THE BATMAN FROM WHERE IT LAY PARKED MID NIRVANA SONG spigot: OUR FINEST PISSCOATS THIS EASTER

deuce: all game quests are basically the same anyway

pants: ISRAEL IS COMMITTING GENOCIDE pants: TAIWAN IS A COUNTRY pants: CHINA OPERATES CONCENTRATION CAMPS pants: TRUMP WILL NEVER BE PROSECUTED pants: THE LAB LEAK THEORY IS UTTERLY IMPLAUSIBLE pants: JEFFREY EPSTEIN HUNG HIMSELF pants: AREA 51 IS JUST A TRAINING RANGE pants: THE SPANISH DID NOT SINK THE USS MAINE pants: BUZZ ALDRIN WILL KICK YOUR ASS IF YOU SAY SHIT ABOUT THE MOON LANDING pants: MCCARTHY HELD A LIST OF SPIES IN HIS HANDS pants: ASHLI BABBITT'S KILLER WILL NOT BE PROSECUTED pants: YOU LOOK CUTE IN THAT TOP pants: YES YOU TOTALLY DO pants: OMG SO CUTE

pants: HEY I'M CHRIS HARDWICK deuce: I'M ANOTHER GUY ENTIRELY

deuce: PLEASE GIVE ME SOME PORN spigot: I'M LOVING MYSELF

deuce: FOLKS I'VE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT THE MIRACLE OF LIFE IS REALLY GROSS pants: AND HARDLY A MIRACLE

deuce: T PANTS =NEED YOU TAKE SOME SELFIES OF YOUR WANG (HARDON PREFERABLE) pants: I NEED MY PUMP IF WE'RE GONNA DO THAT pants: ALSO MY PUMP'S PUMP deuce: MULTIPLE PUMPS FOR SOME REASON

deuce: I would just like to say for the record that grand theft auto's portrayal of the US Army deployed on US soil is unrealistic because that would violate posse commitatus pants: putting on my goggles, going out into the nuclear zone (i'm in an 1980s post-apocalyptic movie)

spigot: HARRIET THE FAT SPY spigot: I SPY PIE spigot: I SEE CAKES OVER THERE

spigot: I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHY DICKS ARE SO WARM AND WELCOMING TO THE NEW USER BUT SO HARSH AND UNFORGIVING TO THE VETERAN

pants: POKE AN ALTOIDS-BRAND MINT INTO MY BOTTOM deuce: FLOOMPH deuce: FLOOMPH deuce: THERE'S AN EXTRA ONE FOR YOUR TIME pants: #BLESSED effigy: HAY! STOP IT RIGHT THERE! effigy: ...WE SHOULD BE GETTING PAID FOR THESE ENDORSEMENTS.

: SPIGOT THE BEAR ALL NEW EPISODES COMING THIS FALL spigot: WHO'S THE GAYEST spigot: ME RIGHT HERE

deuce: CAN YOU SEE URANUS ?!?!?!?!?! bung: POINT YOUR TELESCOPE AT THE SUN AND HAVE A PEEK deuce: ALL I SEE IS PAIN

spigot: HAVE FUN BEATING OFF WHILE FREE SPEECH IS UNDER ATTACK

pants: T DEUCE HAVE THEY FOUND YOUR BODY YET deuce: T PANTS NEGATIVE

spigot: I DESPERATELY HAVE TO GO TO THE T-O-I-L-E-T spigot: DID YOU GET MY MAIL RE: TOILET? spigot: TESTING MAIL TO PANTS ONE, TWO ARE YOU SEEING THIS TEXT TEST TEST TEST

spigot: beep boop buttplug delivery spigot: sir your buttplug is here spigot: folks got a sec spigot: ladies and gents have you heard the spigot: GET YOUR RED HOT BUTTPLUGS

spigot: HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT NOTHING IS EVER RIGHT

pants: play with my balls deuce: please place your bag in the bagging area spigot: unknown item in the bagging area deuce: please place your item in the bag deuce: please wait for employee assistance spigot: have you scanned your club card??????

pants: HEY HAVE YOU GUYS HEARD FROM RANDS LATELY BECAUSE I HAVEN'T HEARD A PEEP FROM HIM SINCE I HIT HIM WITH A SHOVEL AND PUT HIM INTO MY CRAWLSPACE

spigot: HAVING A GREAT TIME IN THE GLORYHOLE PLEASE SEND MORE KIM WILDE CD'S spigot: NO TROUBLE OFFICER

spigot: HOBLBOLHB LHABAB HLAHBLHELAHBA spigot: LOOKS LIKE THE VIDEO STORE FUCKED UP AGAIN spigot: HAVING A HARD TIME JERKING TO SCHINDLER'S LIST

pants: HAVING A STROKE (THE GOOD KIND!!!!!) pants: ALSO THE BAD KIND{{{{{{{ {{{{{{{{{{{{{ {{{{{{{{{{{{ {{{{{{{{{{{{ {{{{{{

deuce: +++ deuce: ATH deuce: I'M A HAYES-COMPATIBLE MODEM deuce: INSERT YOUR PENIS INTO ME pants: I’LL NEVER GET FIRED FOR INSERTING MY PENIS INTO YOU

spigot: HAZELNUT TORTE spigot: I WOULD LIKE YOU TO EXPLAIN THE JOKE TO ME WHILE I BEAT OFF WITH MY ATM CARD spigot: WE NEED SOME GOLD BOND MEDICATED POWDER OVER HERE

spigot: BUT WHAT EXACTLY IS HIGH DEFINITION TV?!?!?!?! AND IS IT WORTH THE STEEP PRICE?!?!?!? spigot: WHY DON'T I WRITE AN ARTICLE OR POSTULATE LOUDLY ABOUT IT ON THE BUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????? spigot: FOLKS IF YOU LOOK I HAVE A WIRED AND A PC WEEKLY HELPING ME WITH PROS/CONS spigot: SUCK THE DICK YOU FAT OLD MAN deuce: DOWN IN FRONT

.(pants): THIS IS NOT MY BEAUTIFUL HOUSE pants: HDC: YOUR FAT FACE IS TOO CLOSE BACK IT OFF pants: MY CD-ROM DRIVE HAS AN ATTITUDE I SEE

pants: TEACH ME TO PISS WITHOUT SPLATTERING IT ALL OVER YOUR FACE pants: I CAN LEARN

deuce: IF U CN RD THS, U LK TO SCK BG DCKS pants: I CAN READ THAT !!!

pants: NUGGGGGGGGGGGGH pants: TAKE IT OFF pants: TAKE IT ALL OFF

deuce: I DEFAULT TO BEATING OFF deuce: BEATING OFF MORE (RAISING VOICE) pants: I SAID A WATER SAMPLE YOU IDIOT spigot: CAT DANDER pants: ON A BONG WITH NO NAME

deuce: T SPIGOT ARE YOU NEFERTERI SHEPHERD deuce: ANSWER ME pants: HE DOESN'T HAVE TO ANSWER THAT pants: T SPIGOT YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER THAT

deuce: WHO'S OUT THERE spigot: WANGS deuce: PLEASED TO MEET YOU, WANGS spigot: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WANGS

pants: THE GLUE FACTORY pants: CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW YOU FUCKING FAGGOTS pants: MY SOURCE IS DRUDGE pants: SELECTING MCDONALDS FROM THE START MENU pants: CHOWING DOWN ON MY OWN FIST INSTEAD pants: OM NOM NOM I EAT IT RAW pants: USING THE MOUSE TO CLICK ON YOUR CUNT pants: IPHONE SYNC IS COMPLETE (OK TO DISCONNECT)

deuce: I EAT SHIT deuce: (REGULARLY, IT IS A PROBLEM)

inebriated crustacean: HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ME inebriated crustacean: I'M DRUNK RIGHT NOW, I LIKE TO PINCH STUFF WHILE I WANDER AROUND UNDERWATER BUT THE VERY BEST PART IS (PAY CLOSE ATTENTION AND TAKE NOTES) inebriated crustacean: I EAT THINGS I FIND pants: WELCOME, TALKING DRUNKEN CRUSTACEAN

spigot: THE CLOSEST DISTANCE BETWEEN TWO POINTS IS BEATING OFF !!! spigot: SURELY YOU'RE SUCKING MY DICK MR. FEYNMAN ?!?!??!?!

pants: SUCKING DICK IN THE SHADOW OF HEROD'S MASSACRE OF THE INNOCENTS

: DEUCE RAISES HIS HAND deuce: I HAVE A QUESTION spigot: ***BUSTY** AMATEURS WITH TINY TITTIES

spigot: GOD WILL GUIDE pants: HE HAS LEFT THIS PLACE pants: THE CHOICE (DRAMATIC PAUSE) (TOILET SOUNDS) IS YOURS pants: OR I COULD JUST EAT ON THIS SANDWICH FOR A WHILE LONGER

deuce: I WANT YOUR FULL AND UNDIVIDED ATTENTION deuce: WHOEVER STOLE MY BRA SHOULD REALLY RETURN IT RIGHT ABOUT NOW

deuce: HOW COME YOU ARE CHEWING ON IT BUT THE AMOUNT LEFT TO GO KEEPS INCREASING ??? pants: I AM A PRO

pants: god has a plan for all us pants: even you pants: he is merciful and bi deuce: no spoilers!!!

deuce: SO WHY CAN'T YOU SHUFFLE CARDS (atandt): CONSTIPATION deuce: THAT TOTALLY SUCKS DUDE atandt: I LEAK WHEN I SHUFFLE deuce: IS IT MOSTLY AIR OR MOSTLY LIQUID atandt: BUT NOTHING BIG COMES OUT