pants: SO WARM I AM HIDING IN THE SERVER ROOM pants: MY SHIRTLESS BODY GLISTENING WITH SWEAT pants: SLOWLY WE MAKE LOVE pants: I AM INSIDE YOU WITH THE FIST OF A RANCH-HAND WHO KNOWS HIS WAY AROUND TIMES SQUARE pants: THEN I WAKE UP AND MOM BEATS ME FOR JACKING OFF IN THE LIVING ROOM

pants: mom says you have to beat me off deuce: that doesn't sound like mom

spigot: WELPS THAT'S THE LAST TIME I DOWNLOAD ANYTHING CALLED MOM.GIF deuce: YOU GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED

spigot: IT WOULD BE A BUNCH OF TAPE RECORDERS PLAYING FARTS AND ALSO A HISTORY OF FARTS deuce: STILL GOING ON ABOUT THE MUSEUM

spigot: HOW ABOUT A MUSEUM OF MODERN FARTS?!?!?!?!? WOULD THAT BE FUNNY!!!!! deuce: HHHHHHH deuce: (CHOKING)

spigot: I WOULD LIKE TO THINK IT INVOLVES PIE AND/OR YOU GIVING ME PIE

spigot: WHERE'S YOUR BATHROOM spigot: WHAT'S YOUR WIFI PASSWORD spigot: CAN YOU VALIDATE MY PARKING TICKET spigot: DO I HAVE TO STAY WITH THE TOUR GROUP OR CAN I SIT ON A BENCH OUTSIDE spigot: MAY I PLEASE GET UP CLOSE TO THE PAINING AND SMOOSH MY ICE CREAM ON IT

pants: CAN'T GET PAST THE NADS IN MONADS

deuce: COCKS ?? pants: I RECKON

spigot: MANAGER'S MONDAY MINUTE !!!!!!!!! DUMPING HOT OATMEAL ON YOUR CHILD!!!!!!

spigot: TIRED OF ALL THE SEXISM AND RAPE JOKES ON THE INTERNET [RANT, TRIGGER WARNING] pants: RAPE JOKES ARE NEVER FUNNY UNLESS WE'RE UNDER THE DOME

atandt: LOW INTEREST RATES IN MY TROUSERS

deuce: TO ME ROBERT BLAKE IS THE BAD GUY FROM THE CRAPPY MOVIE WITH WESLEY SNIPES AND WOODY HARRELSON deuce: AND I DON'T MEAN WHITE MEN CAN'T JUMP FOLKS

deuce: KNOW WHAT'S GREAT ABOUT MONIQUE ALEXANDER???? spigot: I SURELY DOBUT YOU FIRST deuce: [CRICKETS] spigot: [CRICKETS] deuce: [WAY WAY LOUDER CRICKETS]

pants: T DEUCE I CAN'T FIND CCH POUNDER IN THE MONSTER MANUAL??? deuce: THAT IS JUST A WEIRD THING TO SAY pants: PLEASE BUY MY LINGERIE CALENDAR

deuce: NOW THAT WAS A MONSTER POO

deuce: T PANTS SERIOUSLY THE GERMANS DID BAD THINGS DURING WWII pants: T DEUCE DID THEY AT LEAST RECYCLE????? deuce: NO THEY DID NOT pants: MONSTERS

spigot: IN THE NAME OF THIS WACKY KANGAROO COURT WE CALL SPACESHIP EARTH!!!!!!... spigot: ...I BAN YOU FROM TELEVISION!!!!!!!! spigot: HURRRR MONTY PYTHON NOISES spigot: THE KNIGHTS WHO "KNEE"D ME IN THE SACK spigot: COME BACK!!! IT'S ONLY spigot: GLK spigot: SWOLLEN

pants: T DEUCE YOUR "MOOD BOARD" IS JUST SHIT SMEARS deuce: (LIFTS FACE, SMEARED WITH POO) WHAT'S A MOOD BOARD

spigot: MOODS ARE LIKE RAINBOWS, IN THAT I'M A COCKSUCKER

deuce: ROOSTER ROOSTER CAN YOU HEAR ME THIS IS HENHOUSE OVER deuce: YOU APPEAR TO BE FADING FAST OVER pants: ARE WE STILL ON THE MOON deuce: COME BACK OVER pants: MOON ???????? pants: OVER

pants: PRICKS AND DICKS: 100% THE SAME pants: HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS BUT THEY'RE HORNY pants: WHAT YOU CALL DINNER I CALL CRUNCH TIME pants: DO MOON ROCKS (ROCKS FROM THE MOON) HAVE DICKS deuce: SOME DO pants: ASKING FOR A (GAY) FRIEND pants: EVEN A STOPPED CLOCK LICKS A MOON ROCK'S DICK TWICE A DAY pants: BARF ON MY THING deuce: CLARIFY WHICH THING: deuce: YOUR BUTTPLUG-SHAPED TIVO REMOTE, deuce: THE ZUCCHINI YOU'RE CURRENTLY CLEANING, deuce: OR THE BIG BLACK DILDO IN THE MEDICINE CABINET pants: STAY OUT OF MY MEDICINE CABINET

pants: T DEUCE MOP TO STALL TWO pants: T DEUCE MOP TO STALL TWO pants: T DEUCE OVER

spigot: if she has time to lean, i'm thinking she has (at least some) time to clean spigot: i call them mopportunities

spigot: WE'VE GOT TO GET MORE AND MORE ASTRONAUTS OF EVERY COLOR AND CREED UP IN SPACE DRINKING THEIR OWN RECYCLED URINE spigot: INSTEAD OF COMING INTO THIS COUNTRY AND DRINKING ALL MY HARD-EARNED URINE deuce: I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND HOW THIS REALLY WORKS

dick: I WAS HERE FOR A FEW MINUTES spigot: T DICK LOVE U deuce: WE NEED MORE DICK deuce: WAIT deuce: OKAY THAT TOO pants: THE REQUEST STANDS

spigot: I NEED MORE DIPPING SAUCE OVER HERE spigot: DIPPING AND DUNKING MY NUTS FIRST INTO THE ZESTY RANCH AND HOURS LATER INTO THE COLD TOILET WATER

deuce: MORE DONGS THAN A SINGLE PERSON CAN BEAR deuce: WAIT, CHECK THAT deuce: I'M GOOD

pants: EYEBROW JUICE pants: FANNYPACK FANNYPACK FANNYPACK pants: NUTS. TO. THAT.

net: I AM ENCOURAGING AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE TO KILL THEMSELVES deuce: I MEAN IT ONLY MAKES SENSE: MORE FOOD FOR US

deuce: GLAGHLAGHLAGHLHGLAHGLAHG spigot: IS THAT THE SOUND OF YOU POURING ALL YOUR BEER DOWN THE TOILET AND SHAVING AND PUTTING ON A SMART SHIRT AND GOING TO CHURCH AND GETTING YOUR ACT TOGETHER??!?!??!??!! deuce: ALGHALHGLAHGLAHGLAHLGHAGHL (MORE FORCEFUL NOW) spigot: ARE GREENSLEEVES AND GREENPEACE THE SAME THING

deuce: MMMMMMMMMMMMMM DICKS pants: MMMMMMMM MMMMMMM MORE DICKS deuce: AGHAGLHA pants: SEZ YOU deuce: GAHGLAHGLAG HALGHLAG HAL MORE FORCEFUL NOW pants: GLUAH GLAHGLAH GLUAH GLAHLGAHGG FEELING THE FORCE

deuce: DICKS, ETC spigot: I WISH COMPUTERS COULD BRING US CLOSER TOGETHER deuce: T SPIGOT DO YOU MEAN CLOSER LIKE TOUCHING DICKS deuce: OR WHAT spigot: YOU SAID THERE WAS WATER ON THE MOON AND INSTEAD IT'S JUST MORE GODDAMN COCKSUCKING

pants: I'M A JIZZMOP pants: USE ME FOR MY INTENDED FUNCTION deuce: I WOULD PREFER A PISSMOP RIGHT NOW deuce: A PISSMOP WOULD BE MORE IMMEDIATELY USEFUL TO ME pants: MAGICALLY I TRANSFORM MYSELF INTO WHATEVER IT IS THAT MAKES YOU MOST HAPPY

deuce: OKAY deuce: SO I TOOK A PICTURE OF MY ASSHOLE WITH MY NEW CAMERA deuce: STRANGELY ENOUGH I DID NOT LIKE WHAT I SAW deuce: (NOTHING IN IT) spigot: T DEUCE NOT LISTENING (spigot): MORE INFO PLEASE

spigot: EVERYBODY INTO MY FACE deuce: WON'T FIT pants: YEE HAW spigot: COME ON YOU GUYS spigot: LESS IS NOT MORE, MORE IS MORE deuce: HLBALHBAHLALHABHHABLAHBBHAL pants: GHLAHGLUAHLGAG

spigot: FOLKS GOT A NEW THING CALLED THE APPLE WATCH spigot: MORE LIKE WATCH ME ***LICK THIS DICK*** spigot: NO APPLE DID NOT "PAY" ME TO SAY THAT

deuce: JUST THE WAY WE ARE pants: NO deuce: A LOVE STORY pants: MORE LIKE A MOUTH STORY BECAUSE I DON'T SEE THE LOVE UNLESS YOU CALL "SPURT" LOVE pants: T DEUCE ARE YOU FOOD (SERIOUSLY DROOLING)

deuce: I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THE GRAVITY OF THIS SITUATION pants: NUGGGGGGGGH pants: GARK GARK GARK GARK GARK pants: LOOK AT THE FLOWERS deuce: THAT'S MORE LIKE IT

pants: IT FEELS MORE LIKE LAUGH-IN spigot: SOCK IT TO MY NUTS (HARD)

pants: MY MOUTH IS BORED (spigot): WHY CAN'T MY ASS BE MORE LIKE MY MOUTH EXCEPT FOR THE TALKING

pants: work the program (the program is my dick/balls combo) deuce: your package, as it were deuce: so to speak deuce: so-called pants: to be fair it's more of a gift bag

spigot: HE SAYS YOUR DONG FLOPPED OUT LAST NIGHT spigot: HE SAYS IT SANG TO HIM deuce: IT WAS MORE OF A HUM

net: HOW ABOUT IF WE ALL MORE OR LESS JUST PISS ON EACH OTHER deuce: I WOULD RECOMMEND A SERIES OF SLUICES AND AQUEDUCTS TO FACILIATE OUR PISS PARTIES IN THE FUTURE net: CONSULTING THE PHOENICIANS, WHO INVENTED IRRIGATION (net): WRITING THE CITY COUNCIL REGARDING A PISS DISTRIBUTION SYSTEM deuce: T NET YOU'RE THINKING OF THE PISSIGOTHS

deuce: ARE YOU STILL AWAKE RE: 0.5 MG XANAX pants: T DEUCE MORE OR LESS OR MORE OR LESS deuce: COME HERE AND LET ME MOLEST YOU deuce: DON'T TELL ANY ADULTS OR I'LL KILL YOU AND YOUR PARENTS pants: NP

effigy: I MEAN, WHO AM I? WHAT IS MY MOTIVATION??? pants: YOUR NAME IS CARL AND YOU ARE TRYING TO EAT ALL THE DOTS BEFORE THE GHOSTS GET YOU

spigot: is there any pudding pants: no spigot: what about pudding my balls in your mouth spigot: just pudding it out there

spigot: MORE BULLET POINTS, MORE LISTS, MORE VISUALS, MORE SHORT-FORM, MORE MICROCONTENT pants: MORE SOCIAL, MORE STICKY, MORE VIRAL, MORE SHAREABLE deuce: MORE HEROIN

deuce: WHO LOVES DICK MORE THAN OUR SURGEON GENERAL deuce: NO IDEA WHY I SAID THAT

deuce: T PANTS I WAS WATCHING THE TRIGGER EFFECT LAST NIGHT AND IT SHOCKED ME HOW FRAGILE THIS THING CALLED CIVILIZATION WAS AND ANYWAY I ENDED UP STAYING UP LATE AND DRINKING MORE THAN USUAL ON A SUNDAY NIGHT SO LONG STORY SHORT I SUCKED ALL THE DICKS pants: T DEUCE ELIZABETH SHU'S PERFECT TITS

spigot: I NEED MORE TO GO ON THAN JUST YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH deuce: HAIL pants: WELL MET

pants: WHO WANTS TO SEE BOOBIES pants: SPECIFICALLY MY BOOBIES

pants: WHORES pants: WE NEED MORE WHORES deuce: AGREED deuce: NOW SUCK ON MY FAT WANG

pants: I, LESS ENTERTAINING THAN THE CHEAPEST TAMIGOCHI deuce: BUT MORE WILLING spigot: CAUSE IF YOU LICK MY DICK spigot: MY ACHEY BREAKY DICK deuce: FURRRRRP spigot: HELLO spigot: BEEP BOOP BOOP BEEP BEEP BOOP BEEP deuce: OPERATOR HE HUNG UP spigot: CAUSE IF YOU LICK MY D spigot: HELLO spigot: HELLO

spigot: CHANCES ARE spigot: THAT YOU'LL LICK A LITTLE DICK spigot: THE MOMENT / IT POKES IN YOUR FACE spigot: FOLKS I AM NAT KING COCKSUCKER spigot: ALSO I FILLED UP THE JOHN WITH "MORNING FOG" YOU MIGHT SAY

pants: T DEUCE XEARTH SAYS THE SUN IS COMING deuce: T PANTS IT IS VERY FAR OFF pants: T DEUCE IT IS COMING deuce: T PANTS IT IS ROUNDING THE CORNER YES deuce: T PANTS BUT YOU HAVE PLENTY OF DARK LEFT TO LICK DICK IN pants: T DEUCE IT IS JUST DAWNING ON US

spigot: I NEVER SELECT RESTART OR SLEEP spigot: I SELECT SHUT DOWN EACH AND EVERY NIGHT spigot: AND I STAND THERE MOTIONLESS spigot: UNTIL EVERY FAN, spigot: EVERY GPU spigot: AND EVERY DRIVE spigot: SPINS DOWN TO DEAD SILENCE spigot: BEFORE THE UNIVERSE WAS FORMED spigot: LIKE OUR ELDERS TAUGHT US effigy: TRANSLATION: NO MINECRAFT FARM pants: HERE

spigot: BEEP BOOP BOOP BEEP BEEP BOOP CAN YOU HEAR MY MORSE deuce: YEAH YOU'RE NOT REALLY HITTING THE REPEATER THERE spigot: BEEEEEEEEEEP BOOOOOOOP SOME LONG ONES NOW deuce: YOU'RE BARELY HITTING THE REPEATER spigot: BEEP BOOP BOOP I SPENT $300 ON A BRASS KEYER deuce: LET'S HAVE SOME CALLSIGNS HERE PEOPLE

uncredited robot: DON'T DRAG ME INTO THIS pants: THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING

pants: MOSTLY MOLESTED

net: PISS AND BLOOD EVERYWHERE pants: MOSTLY PISS DUE TO THE OPEN URINATION POLICY

spigot: FOLKS I NEED TO LIVE IN A COUNTRY WHERE WE NEVER RUN OUT OF MISSLES deuce: YOU LIVE IN SUCH A COUNTRY deuce: WHEAT, PORN, AND MISSILES, THAT'S WHAT WE HAVE spigot: NOT WITH YOU CLOGGING UP ALL MY BANDWIDTH

deuce: MAYBE I SHOULD STOP PUTTING IT ALL THE WAY UP ME AND SETTLE FOR MOSTLY UP ME

deuce: IF YOU DID SOMETHING BAD YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THE PHRASE "UNIFORM CODE OF MILITARY JUSTICE" spigot: HARRY KNOWLES REALLY BALLOONED UP OVER THE HOLIDAYS spigot: CAN WE PLEASE GET THE GAYS OUT OF THE MILITARY AND BACK IN THE KITCHEN deuce: T SPIGOT DUDE YOU'RE THINKING OF WOMEN spigot: (DISTRACTED BY LATE NIGHT TELEVISION) THOSE GIRLS ARE GOING WILD AGAIN deuce: THEY'RE MOSTLY WHITE SO I MUTE OR CHANGE THE CHANNEL

deuce: HBLAHBLAHBLBHBALHAB deuce: MOTHERFUCKER deuce: FSDF

--: ME net: I FARTED AND BROKE THE INTERNET deuce: MADRE DE DIOS

pants: OH THESE POOR SICK COCKS: I WILL SUCK THEM BACK TO HEALTH pants: TODAY pants: YESTERDAY pants: DAY BEFORE pants: AND SO FORTH

deuce: LET'S CELEBRATE MOTHER'S DAY BY CUTTING OUR DICKS OFF

spigot: THINGS BEGINNING WITH DONGS????? THINGS THAT GO IN MY FACE???? spigot: WHERE IS THE "LINKS" SECTION/PAGE ON THIS BBS???????????????????\/ spigot: FLATTENED

spigot: MOTHERS WHO THINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: ABOUT DEFROSTING THE ICEBOX

pants: AND atandt: AUTOCONTROL IS LOCKED ON AND WE ARE COUNTING THE RETROFIRE pants: PLEASE HOLD ON TO HATS AND GLASSES pants: MOTION IS ABOUT TO OCCUR atandt: MOTION atandt: MOTION spigot: MOTION IS ABOUT TO OCCUR atandt: MOTION IS ABOUT TO OCCUR pants: WITH A LITTLE PRACTICE pants: YOU CAN DO CIRCUS TRICKS THAT WOULD MAKE AN ACROBAT TURN GREEN WITH ENVY

: PANTS STEPS FORWARD: I WILL BE GAY WITH YOU spigot: MOTION CARRIED spigot: HABLHALBHALB HALBHALBHALHB

deuce: SO THE CURRENT SCORES ARE: deuce: JERK 1, POO 1 net: I'VE GOT MONEY ON JERK pants: I TOO WILL PLACE MY LIFE SAVINGS ON JERK pants: CAN I GET ODDS ON POO? deuce: YOU ARE BOTH WISE INVESTORS pants: C'MON POO net: I'VE GOT INSIDER INFORMATION

pants: A SMALL SERIES OF FARTS PFFT PFFT PFT PFT PTPTPT PFT deuce: MOTORBOAT FARTS pants: PUTT PUTT PUTT PUTT PUTTPUTTPUTTBRONK GRONK BRRRRRRRRR :FIRE: HIT A MANATEE

deuce: THIS REALLY SUCKS spigot: COCKSUCKING IN THE DATA CENTER ???!? OUTRAGOUS pants: CAN YOU SEE THE MOUSE HOLE spigot: TRY PULLING BACK spigot: WAY WAY WAY OUT pants: FOR FUCK'S SAKE WE ARE NOT EVEN IN THE SAME BALLPARK : MOUSEHOLE --> pants: AND THERE IT IS THE MOUSEHOLE LET'S ALL SHRINK DOWN AND GO INSIDE spigot: I'LL PACK THE BONG pants: ARE WE THERE YET AND IF SO ARE THERE DICKS IN THE NEW LAND pants: BE GAY WITH ME AS WE JOURNEY TO THE CENTRE OF THE BOWL spigot: ARRRRRRR pants: THANK GOD FOR ROOFIES AND HANDGUNS deuce: THIS SUCKS spigot: I'M GOING TO SOIL MYSELF AND OTHERS

hanford: NO I WILL NOT hanford: I'M NOT DOING DICK ON OR OFF CAMERA, MY LAST CHECK BOUNCED AND YOU STILL OWE ME FOR OVERTIME FROM APRIL : GENTLE READER: DUE TO TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES WE WILL BE SHOWING A SERIES OF INTROSPECTIVE STRIPS SOONER THAN WE HAD ORIGINALLY PLANNED. WE APPRECIATE YOUR SUPPORT IN THIS MATTER. YOURS, ROOT@JERKCITY.COM

spigot: JERKCITY IS PROUD TO OFFER A SMOKE, DRUG AND ALCOHOL-FREE WORKPLACE spigot: ALSO FYI WE'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU'D KEEP THE LIQUOR AT HOME spigot: THERE'S A TIME AND PLACE FOR KNOCKIN BOOTY, PLEASE USE DISCRETION

spigot: SO TIRED OF MOVIES THAT DON’T PASS THE KOBAYASHI MARU TEST

spigot: MOUTH LOVE deuce: ZOING pants: SPACE BONGS

pants: GIVE VICTORY A RIMJOB pants: WHY DOES SPIDER-MAN HATE AMERICA pants: BRING THE WAR BACK HOME pants: MY KINGDOM FOR A TICKLESS CLOCK pants: EVER MINDFUL pants: PREGNANT PAUSE pants: PEACE THROUGH REACH AROUNDS pants: ERECT, ENGORGED AND MORE OR LESS NOT LIMP

spigot: OKAY EVERYONE WITH MORE THAN ONE COCK IN THEIR MOUTH PLEASE SHARE WITH YOUR NEIGHBOR pants: JUST MOVE ONE OVER THANKS spigot: EVERYONE WHO'S LEGS OR ARMS ARE HANGING UNDER THE STALL OR OVER THE DOOR PLEASE MOVE CLOSER TOWARD THE CENTER pants: SUPER spigot: I KNOW THIS IS AWKWARD BUT WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE OLD WAY OF BALANCING ON THE TOILET WITH ONE PAIR OF LEGS VISIBLE UNDER THE DOOR pants: THIS IS WHAT DEMOCRACY LOOKS LIKE

ozone: - /HOME/FTP SIMILAR TO /HOME/WEB spigot: URF MOVE TO STRIKE

pants: CONSTRUCTION CREW LESBOS 04 deuce: F pants: K-RAZY DYKES OF DISCIPLINE deuce: F pants: EXTREME FEETTWARE ?!? GOTH LESBIAN PEEPSHOWS /?!?!??! GRAMMA'S SEXY TOYS ??? @Y(Q*^ ?!?!?}}}}}} NO CARRIER deuce: F F F

deuce: [X] TRANNIES [X] TRANNIES [X] TRANNIES [X] TRANNIES

spigot: LEGS AIN'T EVEN THAT LONG pants: DANG OL' SATURATED IN DISQUIETING MOOD I TELL YOU WHAT

deuce: SISTA #10 GETS AS MANY THUMBS UP AS I CAN MUSTER IN THIS STATE OF DEHYDRATION (FROM THE JERKING YOU SEE)

pants: T DEUCE I'D JUST BACK OFF IF I WERE YOU pants: T DEUCE I'M SOME MANNER OF AMAZING MACHINE pants: T DEUCE MOVING PARTS, YOU UNDERSTAND deuce: T PANTS THEN GET BUSY

atandt: [T[R[A[P[P[P[E[D [I[N [V[T[1[0[0

deuce: T PANTS LET'S GET MSN PREMIER FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: WHAT deuce: T PANTS NEVER MIND pants: T DEUCE I LICK THINGS

pants: A MONITOR DEGAUSS WILL CHEER ME UP pants: *FOOMPH* pants: AH

spigot: HOW COME WHEN I WEDGE AND STUFF PAPER INTO THE PRINTER IT DOESN'T GO OVER THE NETWORK AND RENDER DICKS ON MY SCREEN REMOTELY spigot: MORE TONER MAYBE spigot: FIRED IN MUCH THE SAME WAY I WAS FIRED LAST TIME

pants: I LIKE TO LICK THE DUST MITES RIGHT OFF THE WALL AND INTRODUCE THEM INTO MY SYSTEM IMMEDIATELY pants: SCROLLING THROUGH THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF PICTURES OF DICKS pants: LET'S GET GAY MARRIED HERE AND NOW BEFORE BZZZZZZZZZZZT TOO CLOSE TO THE FENCE

pants: MY WANG IS TOO SHORT (TUGGING, WEIGHT SET) NOTHING AND WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO HAPPEN deuce: BE SURE TO CURL IT AROUND A STICK AND PULL

pants: GORDON LIGHTFOOT WAS A REAL PERSON NOT A JOKE PERSONA MADE UP FOR AN SNL SKIT pants: GORDON LIGHTFOOT; SUMMERTIME DREAM pants: THIS IS 100% REAL deuce: TOTES

spigot: THE MUHHHHHHH HUHHHHHHHH spigot: MUHHHHHHHHHUHHHHHHHHHHH spigot: HUHHHHHHHHH MMMMMMMMMMMMM

deuce: MUGGY pants: YEAH, WARM HERE pants: DO YOU NEED A JPEG OR JPEGS OF ME BEATING OFF pants: CAN'T REMEMBER IF I ASKED YOU BEFORE deuce: [UNINTELLIGIBLE]

deuce: THERE IS A BLINDING FLASH. YOU HAVE BEEN KILLED IN A MULTI-MEGATON NUCLEAR EXPLOSION. deuce: ***YOU WIN*** pants: SWEET PEACEFUL SILENCE AND DARKNESS. ***HIGH SCORE***

deuce: OCCAM'S RAZOR INDICATES THAT IT IS NOT MULTIPLE HORRIBLE MONSTERS THAT RESIDE IN MY TROUSERS BUT INSTEAD JUST ONE MONSTER

pants: MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES CAN HINDER A SMALL BUSINESS LIKE YOU WOUDLN'T BELIEVE deuce: I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN <I> AND </I> IS spigot: <I> ALLOCATES SOME ITALIC MEMORY AND THEN </I> RELEASES IT