pants: T DEUCE YOU'RE GOING TO HELL WITH ME pants: T DEUCE THAT IS TO SAY WE'RE BOTH GOING TO HELL BUT WE MIGHT HAVE DIFFERENT DEPARTURE DATES pants: UNLESS WE DRIVE AROUND THE HILLS FAST AND DRUNK THEN THERE'S A GOOD CHANGE WE CAN ACTUALLY GET ON THE SAME FLIGHT WHICH WOULD BE FUN, WE COULD HOOK UP OUR GAMEBOYS

deuce: I'M TOM HANKS IN BACHELOR PARTY deuce: DIFFERENT TOM HANKS pants: WHAT ABOUT JOE VS. THE VOLCANO pants: BIG deuce: NOT RESPONDING TO YOU ANYMORE

spigot: STILL SO PISSED BORDER PATROL ASKED IF I WAS TRANSPORTING ANY FRUITS OR VEGETABLES pants: MY RAP NAME IS SIR WIPESALOT effigy: CUT TO EVERYONE TOASTING WITH WATER ON THE BRIDGE OF THE YAMATO dick: NOT ONE OF YOU HAS ASKED ME ABOUT MY NEW KLEEN KANTEEN deuce: DO YOU WISH TO CONTINUE N / NO / NEVER :

spigot: can't wait for corona to be over so i can take these condoms off spigot: getting difficult to tinkle in this expanding balloon of urine

deuce: DIPPY DAPPY atandt: STOP WITH THE GAY TALK atandt: START WITH THE GAY

deuce: T PANTS I AM DIG DUG AND I AM GOING TO INFLATE YOU UNTIL YOU POP net: INSERT HOSE HERE deuce: ARE YOU FRYGAR ?!?! pants: T DEUCE I WOULD LIKE THAT (ALSO I AM A BLUE GHOST SO CHOMP ME UP)

pants: FIDDLESTICKS, A BROKEN DOWN BONER deuce: REJUVENATING IT pants: HURP HURP HURP HURP HURP (FIXING IT) deuce: FRYGAR pants: INFLATING IT deuce: BREATHING FIRE AND LICKING DICK

spigot: I WOULD JUST LIKE TO BE TREATED WITH DIGNITY AND RESPUHHHHH

pants: HERE WE GO! MEN INTO POSITION QUICKLY! BGALGHLBAGHLAG pants: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE STAND BACK pants: AH-OO-GAH THIS PROCESS IS COMPLETELY SAFE DON'T WORRY pants: *GONG* *GONG* *GONG* EVERYTHING IS PROBABLY FINE pants: *PONK* JUST A ROUTINE TURBINE TRIP pants: *PONK* HOWEVER *PONK* pants: YOU MAY WANT TO CONSIDER *PONK* pants: A GRADUAL EVACUATION OF THE FACTORY FLOOR pants: ALL DONE. GARDYLOO!

pants: FANNYPACKS IN THE CASTRO!!!!!!! spigot: FOLKS I'VE BEEN DILDOED BY A NUTWAD

spigot: I'M A SASSY CYNICAL WEB EDITRIX WITH HER OWN ZINE AND A REGISTERED COPY OF DREAMWEAVER deuce: RICE DING DING A RONI

spigot: INSTEAD OF RINGING A BELL IN FRONT OF THE STORE HOW ABOUT I WORK MY PENIS PUMP

ozone: IN THEORY, WE CAN COMPILE EVERYTHING WITH "-MSUPERSPARC" deuce: I SWEAR I'LL THROW UP IF YOU KEEP GOING pants: HIDING FROM THE DICK spigot: LET'S GO RIDE THE BONG AROUND THE HOTEL spigot: DING DING HI LADY ANY MAIL FOR ME NO OKAY BLUGHLBUGHLUBHGLUBHLGUBHLLU spigot: LOOK OUT, STAIRS, ETC

pants: DING DING DING DING CLICK pants: CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK pants: T DEUCE MY BELL BROKE

deuce: I'M STARTING TO GET HUNGRY ?!?!?! WHO'S UP FOR PRICKS atandt: MMM pants: ME atandt: ME pants: ALSO ME pants: AND I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO PARTAKE IN THIS PARTICULAR EXTRAVAGANZA atandt: SO ... atandt: SO THAT'S NINE FOR PRICKS THEN

deuce: fisting pants: tri-tip + little white potatoes deuce: I'm up for whatever (as long as there's tri-tip) pants: wasn't sure what else to get deuce: no tri-tip, I don't put out pants: oh and a big-ass onion

pants: DRUNK IN PORTLAND, AMA

pants: DROWN ME deuce: DROWNING YOU, AYE pants: DROWNING IN PROGRESS (DIP) pants: BLBLBLBL DROWNING NOISES.WAV deuce: HUH UH UH BUH

pants: RESET MY BONER TO ITS INITIAL STATE (FLOPPY, STUPID) pants: YES YOU NEED TO USE THE DIPSWITCH

spigot: WE'RE HAVING A DIPFEST OVER HERE spigot: PRICKS AND SALSA spigot: LET'S GET WITH THE PROGRAM GANG

spigot: RUNNING OUT OF PORN HERE spigot: DIPPING INTO ADMIRAL KRAG deuce: THAT BAD HUH spigot: WELL THERE'S THE FRIZZY-HAIRED MEXICAN LADY SUCKING DICK CIRCA 1986

: D->I->C->K->S : <---- - + ----> : S<-K<-C<-O<-C deuce: CONCENTRATE ON MY VOICE ... SOON YOU WILL BE GAY : ESPERANTO ESTAS POR GEJULOJ

pants: BUHHHHH GAY DUH deuce: HURRRRR BOP BING

pants: DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER FLAVORS THAN DIRTPIPE

pants: I'M A DIRTY BOMB deuce: I'M A GEIGER COUNTER deuce: LET'S DO THIS

deuce: OOOOOOOOOOOF pants: THE FLOOR IS DIRTY pants: I'M ALLERGIC TO DUST pants: COULD YOU PRESS MY HEAD SOMEWHERE ELSE

pants: ...OR WOULD THAT BE DIRTY POOL pants: T DEUCE WHAT IS DIRTY POOL pants: T DEUCE I WANT TO PLAY DIRTY POOL deuce: DIRTY POOL IS BILLIARDS WITH SHIT ON THE TABLE deuce: (ACTUAL SHIT)

deuce: SQUIRTING OUT SILLY STRING deuce: ........ BUT IT'S NOT SILLY STRING pants: WE WON'T BE FOOLED AGAIN deuce: YOU DON'T FORGET THAT QUICKLY pants: SO THIS TIME IT WILL BE SILLY STRING RIGHT deuce: WE'LL SEE !!!!!!! deuce: PISSSSSSSSS pants: THAT IS JUST DIRTY POOL pants: OKAY HOW ABOUT SOME SILLY STRING THEN (I WILL WAIT) deuce: MORE BLOOD THIS TIME

spigot: I REMIND YOU THAT THE CIABATTA DIPPER REQUIRES A CIABATTA DIAPER

spigot: I'M FAT FOR TEACHER

spigot: DISCONNECT MY DOODLE-DONG spigot: NOT GOING TO SAY BAD WORDS ANYMORE

spigot: I SAID ****DISCREET**** BLOWJOBS AVAILABLE IN MY PARKING GARA-- SHOULD PROLLY KEEP MY VOICE DOWN

dick: HORNY ROB! bung: HR6787.JPG dick: COMPUTER PEOPLE SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE ALTOGETHER dick: IT'S DISK DRIVE THIS AND ASSFUCK THAT deuce: ADMIRAL KRAGGGG

spigot: T PANTS WHAT'S A DIR pants: T SPIGOT IT'S LIKE A POINTER WITHOUT A * spigot: AND IT SAYS DISK FULL spigot: I HAVE AFTER DARK INSTALLED

pants: DOWNLOAD ME deuce: YOU ARE TOO LARGE TO FIT ON MY THUMB DRIVE deuce: NO OFFENSE, FATASS

spigot: SIR THERE SEEMS TO BE A MISTAKE pants: THIS IS HARDLY THE TIME OR THE PLACE spigot: YOUR DICK HAS FLOPPED OUT OF YOUR PANTS AND INTO MY MOUTH spigot: I'M NOT ZONED FOR THIS spigot: (FINES) : pants > WHY DID YOU RENT A FORKLIFT : pants > oh : spigot > MY DOG SAYS I'M NOT ALLOWED TO TALK TO YOU (ONLINE OR OTHERWISE) pants: JUST KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY pants: DROWN HIM IN WARM SUDSY AIDS pants: OR MAKE HIM TALK (WHATEVER) spigot: OKAY I'LL HAVE ONE MORE JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER BUT THEN BED pants: IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN pants: WHY WON'T YOU DISMISS THE DIALOG BOX

spigot: I WAS GRABBED AND MOLESTED THERE, THEN HE CUT OFF MY HEAD AND DRAINED MY BLOOD INTO THE TOILET AND FLUSHED IT spigot: REAL MATURE

pants: M - I - C !!!!!!!!! spigot: SEE YOU IN THE PARKING LOT pants: K - E - Y spigot: A "KEY" IS BEATNIK FOR "MARIJUANA JOINT" spigot: M O U BLHGLBHGLBUH pants: HLAGHULAHULAG AGHULAHU ALGALUG

deuce: let's sing Disney songs pants: t r a n n y v i s i o n

spigot: TOOTHLESS, EUNUCHED WEB COMICS spigot: ONLY THE FINEST DISTILLED, POTABLE, PURIFIED, FILTERED, DEIONIZED, SPARKLING ARTESIAN SPRING MINERAL WATER TO CLEAN THE JIZZ OFF MY DESK pants: ALMOST 9AM AND I ONLY HAVE 9,000 CALORIES LEFT FOR THE DAY spigot: UNLESS YOU GO BACK TO SLEEP AND WAKE UP AGAIN

pants: my dong: oversize tufted leather distressed wall-mounted sophisticated sweeping elegant easy-open petite bronze deuce: so many words deuce: stop wording pants: can't, must word pants: better ballgag me pants: my dong: generous evolving rare (or nonexistent!!!!!) accommodating effective non-disruptive zero downtime deuce: ballgag incoming pants: thank you sirs

pants: SOME WAG TAGGED TODAY'S BONEQUEST EPISODE WITH #AUTISM deuce: CUM deuce: T PANTS DO YOU THINK OF YOURSELF MORE AS A `<DIV>` OR A `<SPAN>` pants: _<DIV>_ FOR SURE deuce: PASS

pants: ELECTROLYTES FOR TRILOBITES pants: I, THE SECOND GAYEST EXTINCT MARINE ARTHROPOD THAT OCCURRED ABUNDANTLY DURING THE PALEOZOIC ERA, WITH A CARAPACE OVER THE FOREPART, AND A SEGMENTED HIND PART DIVIDED LONGITUDINALLY INTO THREE LOBES pants: WHAT PART OF SEGMENTED HIND DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND

spigot: ON AGAIN OFF AGAIN LIKE MY ROMANCE WITH DICK spigot: ENOUGH WITH THE PRIVATE MESSAGES PEOPLE I HAVE FEELINGS HERE spigot: I BONKED MY HEAD ON THE TOILET AND I NEED ATTENTION spigot: I'M DIZZY AND BONKY AND I HAVE TO SING spigot: HAVE YOU SEEN / THE MUFFIN MAN spigot: THE MUFFIN MAN spigot: THE MUFFIN MAN spigot: CLOSE THE FUCKING DOOR spigot: OH YES I AM / THE MUFFIN MAN spigot: THE MUFFIN MAN spigot: SLEEPY

pants: BONGZILLA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: BLBLBLBL IT IS SERIOUSLY PROMOTING AN OPEN SMOKING ENVIRONMENT spigot: WE ARE ALL DIZZY AND PASSED OUT ON/AROUND THE COUCH spigot: MY FACE IS SMOOSHED INTO THE DOGSHIT

spigot: WHEN YOU SAY "DM ME" AM I SUPPOSED TO DIRTPIPE MILKSHAKE YOU spigot: IS THAT HOW PEOPLE ARE SLIDING INTO YOUR DM'S AND BM'S

pants: IS THE JERKCITY ARTICLE DELETED YET deuce: DO I HAVE TO LOOK pants: NO NOT REALLY pants: WILL YOU HOLD MY HAND DURING CAPTAIN AMERICA

pants: DO I LOOK FAT spigot: TAKE THE PRICKS OUT OF YOUR HANDS AND MOUTH spigot: OKAY NOW PUT THE LEFT PRICK IN YOUR RIGHT HAND AND JUST ONE IN YOUR MOUTH spigot: NOW PUT BOTH PRICKS FROM YOUR LEFT HAND IN THE LEFT SIDE OF YOUR MOUTH spigot: THERE spigot: YOU ARE VERY FUCKING FAT

pants: FINE, I WILL PERSONALLY BEAT MYSELF OFF deuce: NO ONE WILL DO IT FOR YOU pants: WELL YOU'RE HERE deuce: DO I LOOK LIKE I'M A BEATER OFFER pants: AYUH

pants: DROWN YOURSELVES pants: THEN FUCK ME IN THE FACE pants: DO IT NOW pants: MOUTH CLOSING SALE pants: EVERYTHING MUST GO

spigot: FOLKS I'M A PROFESSIONAL DICKLICKER ON A CLOSED COURSE (DO NOT ATTEMPT)

deuce: MY BALLS HAVE LUPUS spigot: MY BEAUTIFUL FACE

spigot: BLUH: PROTEIN.JPG spigot: SHE'S PERFORMING SOME SORT OF PHOTOSYNTHESIS spigot: CLEAN THE FUCKING LINT TRAPS WHILE YOU'RE DOWN THERE LADY

pants: HOW DID I GET THIS HARD

deuce: PLEASE DO NOT MAKE A MESS IN HERE spigot: NO CENSORSHIP

pants: YOU SPIN IT AND IF SQUIGGILY NUMBERS COME UP, WE KISS deuce: UH OH spigot: TEH PR0N!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: SIR DO NOT SPEAK LIGHTLY OF THE PORN

spigot: GETTING A TATTOO ON MY LOWER BACK THAT SAYS `DO NOT TRACK` BECAUSE THAT WILL ABSOLUTELY KEEP ALL THE PENISES OUT spigot: VAMPIRES AND FELLOW Q U E E R S deuce: EDWSQA QWSDFIOP[;]' deuce: \?.C XZ deuce: 41-//*+?I[KJHGFVDCXS+ pants: BALLS YES

pants: ECHO DEPRECATED pants: ECHO DO NOT USE pants: ECHO SERVICE GUARANTEES CITIZENSHIP pants: EXIT

deuce: ZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ WHAT deuce: DID SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING ??? FFF ZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZ deuce: WHO GOES THERE (BONER POPS UP)

pants: I AM A MUFFIN pants: EAT ME pants: STUFF ME pants: SIT ON ME pants: DO SOMETHING FOR GOD'S SAKE

atandt: DO THAT THING WERE YOU GO HUUUUUH pants: HUHHHHHHHHHHHH

atandt: HOLY BALLS spigot: DO THAT TRICK WHERE YOU SHUT UP

deuce: DID SOMEONE WANT TO DO THE LOCOMOTION!?!?!? NO?!?!?!?!??!/ FINE

atandt: (DEUCE^2 + PANTS^2) / SPIGOT = ??? atandt: I THINK I LEFT OUT A SQRT SOMEWHERE

pants: OH WHO CARES MMMMMM BUHHHHHH SUCKING THEM ALL HUHHHH pants: I LOOK LIKE THAT GUY IN THE GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS pants: THE ONE WITH ALL THE CIGARETTES IN HIS MOUTH

pants: T DEUCE GOD FUCKING DAMNIT DO THE LOCOMOTION WITH ME pants: GODDAMNIT I DON'T ASK FOR VERY MUCH I JUST WANTED YOU TO DO THE LOCOMOTION WITH ME pants: REMEMBER THAT TIME WE DID THE LOCOMOTION TOGETHER

pants: WATCH ME DANCE pants: OW deuce: WHATEVER

spigot: WELL OBVIOUSLY CHER DOESN'T THINK I'M STRONG ENOUGH TO BELIEVE IN LOVE spigot: WELL WATCH THIS!!!!!!!! spigot: HLGUBHLRUHJJ0G9PTHGI&JB9J

spigot: DO YOU DARE ME TO SIT ON A BUDWEISER LIMITED EDITION HOLIDAY CAN

deuce: BASTE ME pants: ARE YOU FOOD deuce: I CAN BE IF YOU PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT

deuce: DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR spigot: THE COCKS THE COCKS spigot: POKING AT MY FACE spigot: WE WILL BRING THEM SILVER AND GOLD deuce: THAT'S NOT THE SAME SONG VANESSA WILLIAMS SANG

spigot: DO YA KNOW / WHERE YOU'RE GOING TO spigot: DO YA LIKE THE THINGS THAT / LIFE IS SHOWING YOU deuce: ARGLE BARGLE (spigot): CAN I START BY BLOWING YOU deuce: OKAY WE'RE GOING TO STOP THIS PERFORMANCE RIGHT NOW

pants: DO YOU MIND pants: I'M TRYING TO MASTURBATE pants: OKAY ALL JERKED OUT (FINALLY)

spigot: IF I SHIT MYSELF INSIDE-OUT RIGHT INTO THE TOILET DO YOU PROMISE TO HIT FLUSH pants: WE'LL SEE spigot: AND NOT GO THROUGH MY THINGS pants: WHAT WILL I TELL YOUR BIOGRAPHER spigot: THAT I DIED DOING WHAT I LOVED

spigot: SOMETIMES I PUT THE POO RIGHT IN MY FACE AND THINK ABOUT JERKCITY deuce: WOW deuce: DO YOU REALLY

spigot: do you seriously not sell fleshlights longer than a fish tube

pants: T DEUCE DO YOU STILL RUN A DETECTIVE AGENCY pants: T DEUCE DO YOU deuce: T PANTS I DO BUT I'M NOT CURRENTLY TAKING ANY MORE CLIENTS

pants: DO YOU TAKE BITCOIN (FOR THE BALLSTOMPING GOODS, THE BALLSTOMPING SERVICES) deuce: CFNM OR DEATH

deuce: T PANTS DO YOU THINK I'M PRETTY deuce: I MEAN I KNOW I'M PRETTY, I JUST WANT YOU TO SAY IT deuce: ALSO I AM CLEARLY NOT PRETTY deuce: AHEM deuce: TAPS FOOT deuce: SQUINTS deuce: WHISTLES TUNELESSLY pants: IN A CERTAIN LIGHT deuce: CORRECT ANSWER deuce: YOU ARE NOW A `LEVEL 4 CUDDLE ELF` pants: QUEST COMPLETE

spigot: T EFFIGY DO YOU WANT TO REPORT A UFO, OVER effigy: UH, NO TOWER, I DON'T WANT TO REPORT ONE OF THOSE EITHER...

spigot: OH LORD MY INTESTINES ARE WRAPPED AROUND MY GYM SHORTS

spigot: THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT MUST STOP pants: MAYBE WE WERE ALL TRANS THE WHOLE TIME (X-FILES THEME) spigot: LET'S TALK PENIS TO PENIS deuce: (DOCKING) pants: DOCKING SEQUENCE INITIATED deuce: `HARD DOCK` WOOOOOOSH `RETRACTING` CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK _BONK_ `DOCKING SEQUENCE COMPLETE`

pants: I'M GOING TO KEEP YOU IN A BOX pants: BE MY VALENTINE pants: DOCTOR BONER IS IN atandt: T DOCTOR BONER HOW CAN I GET ONE (A BONER) pants: I HAVE NO IDEA atandt: T DOCTOR BONER PLZ DO THE RESEARCH (WILL PAY) pants: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH !!! atandt: T DOCTOR BONER THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE pants: LINE

pants: DEAR DOCTOR DONG pants: MY FACE IS DRENCHED WITH SEED pants: PLEASE MARK FIXED/CLOSED

pants: THERE'S AN ONION IN MY BOTTOM deuce: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND THE FUTURE OF HUMANITY, WHATEVER YOU DO... deuce: DON'T PULL IT OUT, DON'T POO, AND DEFINITELY, _DEFINITELY_ DON'T FART pants: GOT IT pants: I AM SPOCK deuce: DR. OR MR. pants: TURN THE CRANK AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS deuce: TURN YOUR KEY, SIR pants: PUSH THE BUTTON

spigot: CLEAR spigot: HGUAHGLUAHGLAUGHALGUG

pants: DOCTOR IT HURTS WHEN I PUNCH COPS deuce: FIVE STARS

spigot: SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR PENIS IF YOU LIVE IN THESE THREE ZIPCODES

pants: (IT GOES IN MY MOUTH) deuce: DOES IT pants: (IT DOES) deuce: OH pants: (YES) deuce: STOP THAT

PANTS: CAN I HAVE A HUG DEUCE: WHAT FORM PANTS: A [redacted, 3 pieces] HUG DEUCE: WILL DO DEUCE: YOU WILL RECEIVE YOUR HUG IN 4-6 WEEKS PANTS: EXCELLENT

pants: I LICKED NINE DICKS TODAY spigot: ONE pants: WHAT spigot: NOTHING

pants: SUCK AND FUCK CLUB: NEXT RIGHT deuce: JOIN THE MULTIVARIATE DIFFERENTIAL AND INTEGRAL CALCULUS CLUB pants: YOU FORGOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING OF ALL: LOVE deuce: THAT LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST

pants: DOES THIS ASCOT SCARF MAKE ME LOOK FRUITY spigot: YOU CAN JUST SAY "ASCOT" pants: BUT WHAT OF ASCOT TIES

dick: BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU ALL GAY AND GAYER deuce: EXCELLENT dick: AND GAYEST (WHILE I'M AT IT) dick: AND I *AM* SERIOUSLY AT IT, LET ME ASSURE YOU deuce: LOOK AT YOU GO

deuce: DOES THIS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME GETTING A BONER spigot: COLLEGE

spigot: IF IT'S NOT HAPPENING IN THE UNITED STATES, IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER YOU DUMBSHITS pants: PRETTY SURE I'M SOME KIND OF GODDAMN GAY BOOT/ROOT DISK COMBO spigot: ELSEWHERE, TEN MILLION BILLION BODIES WERE FOUND RAPED AND BEHEADED IN A MASS GRAVE CALLED EUROPE, THE MIDDLE EAST, WHEREVER THE FUCK deuce: CUP YOUR HANDS AND I WILL GIVE YOU A SURPRISE

pants: GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR pants: NUUUUUUUUUUHGH BRACING MYSELF AND FAILING pants: NUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH NOT LIKING THIS MUCH

pants: IMPACT IN TWENTY SECONDS pants: RED ALERT pants: MAKING IT STICK TO THE WALL pants: WONDERING WHAT MY NAME IS AGAIN pants: DOESN'T MATTER DOWN PERISCOPE

pants: PLEASE PUT ME IN A CAN deuce: BUT THEN HOW WILL YOU GET OUT pants: DOESN'T MATTER, CAN ME