spigot: MY DOG KEPT STARING AT ME WHILE I BEAT OFF SO I HAD TO GIVE HER A BISCUIT

deuce: GHLGAHLGAHLGAHGAHLAG pants: IT'S A DOG LICK DOG DICK WORLD OUT THERE pants: AND IT IS MY DUTY TO POINT OUT THAT THERE ARE JUST NOT ENOUGH DAMN DICKS deuce: TO LICK pants: YOUR HONOR deuce: GLHGAHLGALHGAHLGAHLAGHG pants: I REST MY BALLS deuce: I DECLARE A MISTRIAL pants: HOW ABOUT A PISS PARTY deuce: YOU ARE IN CONTEMPT pants: WHAT PART ABOUT "I WANT TO LICK YOUR DICK" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND deuce: BAILIFF TAKE HIM AWAY pants: I JUST WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE AND LICK DICKS deuce: GIVE HIM A MUZZLE pants: HULAGHLAHULAH

spigot: ALSO I STEPPED IN DOGSHIT pants: POO COLORED FOOTSTEPS FROM THE BATHROOM TO THE COFFEE BAR (WHO WEARS NIKES???) deuce: BOOTY CALL SOUNDTRACK !!!!!!! deuce: CAN WE GET FREAKY TONIGHT pants: SEX ME UP pants: OR BRUSH MY TEETH FOR ME uncredited caveman: ARRRRRRGH NUGGGGGGGGGH ARRRRRRGH

deuce: DICKS pants: DICKS deuce: WHERE (SPOOKED) pants: DUNNO (STONED)

deuce: [LAVERNE & SHIRLEY THEME PLAYS] deuce: I'M A GLOB deuce: USE ME TO FIND YOUR PORN

deuce: YOU'RE SOAKING IN IT !!!!!11 pants: I SURE AM spigot: KNEEL DEGRASSE TYSON (BECAUSE HE'S DOING A BJ)

deuce: EVERYBODY DOWN !!!!! deuce: $ deuce: A DOLLAR SIGN IS AFOOT

:pants: LOOKING DIRECTLY INTO THE CAMERA AFTER REPEATEDLY BEING ASKED NOT TO DO THAT deuce: MY BALLS ARE A 501(C)3 ORGANIZATION pants: ARE THEY SOVEREIGN CITIZENS deuce: DON'T BE RIDICULOUS deuce: THEY'RE A MICRONATION (THEY OCCUPIED AN ABANDONED OFFSHORE OIL DRILL PLATFORM)

deuce: BLAM 15 dicks pants: POW some number of dicks that is not zero pants: n dicks deuce: with n > 0 deuce: `(dicks)+` pants: it's an unknown number of dicks deuce: but let's call it 15 pants: at once????????????????????????????????????????? deuce: well they're poking/prodding all at once but not all penetrating at once deuce: obviously deuce: I mean don't be ridiculous pants: 2 maybe 3 tops

pants: PLEASE CLIMBINTO MY MOUTH deuce: YOUR CAVERNOUS MOUTH pants: I WILL BE GENTLE deuce: JUST HOLD ME IN YOUR MOUTH FOR PROTECTION, DON'T CHEW OR SWALLOW ME

pants: DON'T CRY pants: IT'S OKAY deuce: WUHHHHHH

pants: FUCK YOU : DEUCE CRIES pants: I'M SORRY HONEY

spigot: SOMETIMES THE PORN GETS IN MY FACE AND SAYS DON'T DELETE ME I'M JERKABLE spigot: AT WHICH POINT I ASK YES BUT WILL YOU BE JERKABLE IN THREE WEEKS spigot: AND THE PORN IS SILENT

pants: KAFF KAFF KAFF deuce: DON'T DO THAT YOU'RE ONLY DAMAGING YOUR BALLS pants: THEY ARE FINE pants: RIGHT BOYS???? pants: BOYS ????? HELLO ????????? pants: i will be right back

spigot: PRIME GAPS ARE BOUNDED?????? WHAT ABOUT PRIME RIB deuce: PRIME NUMBERS ARE *NOT* DELICIOUS pants: MMM deuce: NO DON'T EAT THAT

deuce: I'm going to mix my rice with chili !!!! pants: and piss deuce: some piss pants: don't forget the piss

deuce: FOLKS THIS PORN ISN'T GOING TO BEAT ITSELF OFF pants: IT MIGHT!!!!!!! DON'T GIVE UP THE GHOST

deuce: HATE TO BOTHER YOU GUYS AGAIN deuce: BUT I'D REALLY LIKE MY BRA BACK deuce: BLHLBAHLABHLABLHABLHABHL

deuce: DON'T KNOW WHY WEATHER.COM JUST ASSUMES I'M A FAGGOT deuce: OH RIGHT deuce: I CLICKED THE FAGGOT CHECKBOX IN PREFERENCES

deuce: PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME deuce: I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT LONG AND HARD deuce: I'VE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOUR *HURP*

deuce: 10 SUCK DICK: GOTO 10 pants: I'M EATING THINGS I FIND IN DRAWERS deuce: MOSTLY COOKIES, STAPLES pants: OOH A PAPER CLIP pants: THIS'LL HURT LATER deuce: EAT A MAGNET; WAIT 10 MINUTES; REPEAT pants: DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING WHAT HAPPENS THEN pants: HMM pants: MY SIDE HURTS

pants: accidentally caught some low-hanging speaker wire in the vacuum cleaner, can't hear anything out of the right side now effigy: quantum entanglement

pants: DON'T LET HIM SLEEP ON HIS BACK bung: UNLESS..... deuce: HE WILL SUFFOCATE FROM THE POKES AND CHOKES

pants: IT HURTS deuce: I KNOW

spigot: DEW-DAPPLED BONERS spigot: AND WARM WOOLEN MITTEN

spigot: REMEMBER WHEN I UNPLUGGED YOUR STUPID COMPUTER AND JUST STARED AT YOU spigot: DON'T LIE TO ME WITH THAT FAT FACE

deuce: EATING IT UP spigot: PLEASE DON'T LOOK AT SPIGOT spigot: DON'T LOOK spigot: WHAT DID I JUST FUCKING SAY

spigot: HURMPH URMPH spigot: BLKRJW: OIUW$;N %B(* Q+%_) N8934 -=YHRE

pants: DON'T LOOK DOWN!!!!!! JUST USE YOUR HANDS AND FINGERS AND MOUTH TO TELL ME IF THIS IS MY DONG OR NOT spigot: I FINK IS MIME

pants: THAT WAS THEN, THIS IS ANAL pants: HELLO WORLD pants: A FOOLPROOF MASTER PLAN INVOLVING MY BALLS pants: FUDGE DALEKS ?????? EWWW pants: I WIPE THE POLE DOWN BECAUSE WHO KNOWS WHERE THE ONE BEFORE ME HAS BEEN pants: IS MY BONER A SHARP OBJECT??? OW OW OW YES pants: TRACE ("PENIS"); pants: EVERYTHING IS FOOD WHERE I COME FROM (DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT)

spigot: LAST CHANCE TO LOOK AT ME HECTOR deuce: YOU DON'T SLAP 'EM YOU GRAB 'EM IDIOT pants: BOXCUTTER

spigot: PUNCH ME IN THE SACK deuce: DON'T START WITH ME SIR

spigot: JUST KEEP CLICKING TILL YOUR HOUSE BURNS DOWN

spigot: THAT'S NOT A WISHBONE BUT DON'T STOP PULLING spigot: MUHUBBLEBLUHDUHHUH MURBLE BURBLE BUTTER BALLS HUBLUBLUHDUH

spigot: AM I BEING DETAINED spigot: AM I FREE TO GO spigot: DID I FAIL THE POLYGRAPH spigot: ARE YOU SEIZING MY VEHICLE spigot: YES I WOULD LIKE TO POLL THE JURY spigot: BEFORE MY LETHAL INJECTION I'D LIKE ALL YOUR NAMES AND BADGE NUMBERS

pants: I'M HALL AND OATES deuce: I'M JUST OATES deuce: YOU WIN THIS BATTLE deuce: BUT DON'T THINK THE WAR IS OVER

pants: WHERE DID THE MAN TOUCH YOU pants: NO, DON'T USE THE DOLL pants: JUST TOUCH ME

deuce: t pants clean this zucchini pants: it's so filthy pants: don't wait up for me pants: this is going to take all night

deuce: YOU STILL LOVE ME THOUGH DON'T YOU : SPIGOT HOPS A TRAIN TO QUEER TOWN deuce: SNIFF

spigot: GETTING IN MY 10,000 DICKS EACH DAY spigot: 🎶 UP / TOWN / FRUITS spigot: I'LL MAKE A MESS OF ALL YOUR BUSINESS / SUITS 🎵 spigot: 🎶 I'M DROPPIN' LOOTS

pants: AMEN TO THAT BROTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!! FACESTUFFING pants: DAYDREAMING AND PUNCHING pants: BUCKETS OF THE STUFF pants: DONATE ME TO SCIENCE (FOR UNSCIENTIFIC PURPOSES)

spigot: GURGLING AND BUBBLING IT UP AND OUT THE MOUTH pants: BE GAY WITH ME deuce: DONE AND DONE

pants: PUNCH MY JUNK deuce: DONE (AND I MEAN DONE) pants: THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT (FORK, KNIFE, PLATE WITH URINAL CAKE OVER PASTA, TYING ON BIB) deuce: IF YOU ARE CALLING WITH A MEDICAL EMERGENCY, PLEASE HANG UP AND DIAL 911.

spigot: I'M A WALKING KNOB JOB spigot: FAT GAY DICKS spigot: T DEUCE YOU BE KASCHA AND I'LL BE RAMBONE deuce: T SPIGOT DONE DEAL

spigot: JERK WITH ME deuce: DONE DEAL

spigot: DONE TALKIN' FOR NOW (BOOZE KICKING IN) pants: GO TEAM

atandt: I THINK DIAPER HUMOUR IS GOING TO SKY ROCKET OVER THE NEXT FEW WEEKS pants: I'M WITH YOU (ALSO BUYING DONG/BONG FUTURES)

pants: excuse me but i didn't say *DONGLES* i said *DONG GOALS*

spigot: HANDS UP WHO NEEDS A DONG spigot: DONG ONG ONG ONG ONG ONG ONG ONG ONG pants: IS THE DONG ECHOING spigot: THAT'S A TWO-PART QUESTION CLOMP CLOMP *SLAM* pants: HE'LL BE BACK (OH HE'LL BE BACK ALL RIGHT)

spigot: GUESS WE'RE HEADED FOR THE DONG PARTY

: A message from CDC of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services deuce: HURRRR deuce: GHLUAHGLUAG spigot: IS THERE SUCH OF A THING AS THE DONG PATROL BECAUSE IF NOT I WOULD LIKE AN ATTORNEY

spigot: PUTTING MYSELF THROUGH DONG SCHOOL deuce: HOW ARE YOU DOING SO FAR spigot: NOT GOOD pants: I DISAGREE spigot: I WOULD LIKE TO OPEN A WINDOW

spigot: I RAN OUT OF JOKES deuce: FIRED

pants: I HAVE DONG WATCH TONIGHT net: DONG WATCH IS A SERIOUS RESPONSIBILITY PRIVATE net: IF ANY ESCAPE YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE pants: I HAVE HUNTED DOWN AND SUCKED MANY AN ESCAPED DONG

spigot: WELL LONG STORY SHORT THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS "DONGAZINE" AND I'M STILL OVERWEIGHT AND MY MOUTH HURTS

spigot: a bunk bed for $1200/month ??????????? okay but only because i don't know angular.js pants: sorry but the new hotness is dongbutter.js and you need to know this framework (unzipping, dropping) deuce: where the $ global refers to your dong

deuce: STAR SPANGLED BONERS pants: DONGLES pants: NEW FANGLED BONGS pants: O SAY CAN YOU HULASHGLAHGLAHLGAHGLHALGHULAHG

spigot: I AM DONGLING IT spigot: AND MAKING A MENTAL NOTE TO BONGLE IT pants: ROUGH CLOSETED SEX deuce: OKAY NOT ALL THAT CLOSETED pants: AND LESS ROUGH THAN ONE MIGHT EXPECT pants: BANG BANG BANG BANG OW OW OW OW pants: I'M BILL KURTIS deuce: HOLDING YOU VERY FIRMLY, STILL pants: KNOWING THE CREME PIE FIGHT IS ABOUT TO START

deuce: DONGS pants: REALLY NOW deuce: YES pants: HMM UM I DON'T KNOW

deuce: WHO WANTS TO JERK UNTIL THE MORNING SUN ?!?!?!?!? deuce: ARE YOU WITH ME PEOPLE ?!?!?!?!??!?!?! pants: SOILED spigot: I'VE ONLY GOT UNTIL THE MORNING LIGHT, THEN I DO DONGS AT DAWN ON KOFY TV-20 deuce: TRAITOR

deuce: WHAT MADE TRUMAN CAPOTE SUCH A COMPLETE FAGGOT pants: DICKS I WOULD VENTURE deuce: CHECK

spigot: DONGS OUT: A BONEQUEST MYSTERY

spigot: DONUT FIELD pants: JIMBO WALES LIKES TO POOP spigot: FALAFEL WORKSHOP pants: DON'T TAKE THAT SWARTHY TONE WITH ME spigot: "SHOE ME IN THE NUTS, I'M A CLOWN" THEN I FORGET THE REST pants: LOOK AT TARGET AND BLINK RAPIDLY TO INSTALL

pants: TO THE TUNE OF "YANKEE DOODLE DANDY": pants: SPRAYING WINDEX UP MY DICK deuce: DOO DA / DOO DA

deuce: :MUSICAL_NOTES: WHO PUTS PEANUTS UP HIS BUTT /I DO / I DO deuce: ("DOO DAH") pants: DON’T FEED THE SQUIRRELS

spigot: GAVE HER AIDS AND KICKED HER OUT pants: DOO DAH / DOO DAH

spigot: SHITTING THROUGH MY AERON CHAIR

dick: PERHAPS THE ANSWER TO THE GENTLEMAN'S QUESTION LIES HERE, IN MY PANTS dick: THE ANSWER IS COCK!!!!!! dick: IT REALLY *IS* THAT SIMPLE dick: (TRYING TO SHUT UP) spigot: STARS DOOFUS AND DORKUS

deuce: IF SOMEONE DOESN'T START BEING FUNNY IN FIFTEEN SECONDS I'M TAKING A BIG OL' DUMP ALL OVER THIS LAPTOP deuce: (EITHER THAT OR GETTING ANOTHER BEER) atandt: DOOR 1 deuce: DISQUALIFICATION atandt: DOOR 1

spigot: DOOT DOOT DOO DOOT deuce: FRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR spigot: SUCKING POKING HURTING NOW spigot: DOOT DOOT DOOT deuce: SUCKING ALL THE DICKS

spigot: HE'S ALL "WANNA POUNDA DOPE" AND I SAY YES SIR AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW HE'S REALLY POUNDING IT INTO MY FACE!!!!!! THEN I REALIZE I AM THE DOPE

deuce: [REDACTED] ALTERNATING WEST WING AND HOMOS EVERY DAY CONSTANTLY FOREVER pants: ARE YOU ASKING ME TO MARRY YOU pants: ARE YOU ASKING ARE YOU ASKING ARE YOU ASKING pants: ARE YOU ASKING ME TO MARRY YOU MARRY YOU MARRY YOU MARRY YOU MARRY YOU MARRY YOU MARRY YOU CORE DUMPED

spigot: WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DOPE MY STONISH MOCKERY spigot: I MEAN spigot: WHAT WAS THE QUESTION

spigot: every time the camera pans across a theranos all-hands, all i see are dopey, pudgy butterfaces in every discipline but none dopier or pudgier than eholmes herself *SEND* deuce: she is extremely doofusy spigot: (baritone) one alcohol please spigot: did we ever get confirmation she's been blacked

pants: DOPPLER RADAR IN THE MENS ROOM deuce: I AM SEEING THEM COMING (BLUE) AND GOING (RED) deuce: ALSO I WOULD LIKE A MINT FOR MY TROUBLE pants: MY BONG IS HUGGING ME AND LOVING ME

deuce: [HOW ABOUT] FISTING ME WITH THAT THERE BASEBALL BAT deuce: IF YOU PUT ME UP YOU I POISON YOUR COLON spigot: THESE DORM ROOMS ARE LIKE FAGGOT OVENS deuce: I NEVER KNEW TRUE LOVE

deuce: A POO DOTH POKE

pants: T DEUCE I LICK DICK FOR THE CIA AND THE KGB

(deuce): ANAL spigot: SIGNING HERE MEANS THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT DOUBLE ANAL ACTUALLY MEANS TWO IN THERE AT THE SAME TIME

spigot: TAKING A SHIT IN THE SYSTEM FOLDER

pants: DOUBLE SHIFTS AT THE DICKLICKING FACTORY pants: JUST SO I CAN WORK WEEKENDS AT THE CRINGE PLANT

spigot: PRASHANT YOUR NONFAT ICED MOCHA IS READY spigot: (PRASHANT) spigot: GOT A DOUBLE-TALL VANILLA LATTE FOR PRASHANT

pants: T DEUCE I LICK DICK FOR THE CIA AND THE KGB deuce: T PANTS DOUBLE-DICKING THAT IS

spigot: DOUBLE, SOMETIMES TRIPLE DONGING spigot: SAN / FRAN / CISCO spigot: I'M LICKING DICK / AGAIN spigot: FAVORITE FOOD: PIZZA, HAMBURGERS (spigot): DISLIKES: MONDAYS

pants: CAN’T PISS UNLESS YOU WATCH spigot: :NEGATIVE_SQUARED_CROSS_MARK: DOUBT

(spigot): I'M A FAT FLOPPY DORK spigot: HOLY GOD MY FONTS ARE BURNING IN THE PRINTER .(spigot): I'D BETTER FILE A BUG spigot: HELP MY CHOOSER'S NOT WORKING spigot: IT WON'T LET ME PICK AN APPLICATION

pants: EVERY TIME I SEE THE PHRASE “DOW TUMBLES” I THINK “UPSKIRT”

pants: I FELL DOWN A HOLE AND NOW I'M WET/COLD

deuce: CHECK OUT MY TITS deuce: MY TITS ARE DOWN HERE

pants: STIGMATA deuce: ECZEMA pants: UUCICO deuce: DOWN IN FRONT

pants: HOW YA DOIN' DOWN THERE pants: IN YOUR FUCKING HOLE deuce: GET OFFA ME pants: WATCHING THE MTV

pants: CAN I GO DOWN INTO YOU deuce: YOU CAN GIVE ME HEAD pants: IS THAT THE SAME THING? deuce: FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS CONVERSATION AND ME GETTING A BLOWJOB: YES

spigot: DIZZINESS spigot: TINGLY WARMTH RADIATING DOWN MY ARM spigot: PARDON: MY PANTS

spigot: THAT MAY HAVE BEEN THE FIRST SNICKERS OF THE DAY BUT IT WON'T BE THE LAST!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: I'M IN A LOT OF PAIN/ DISCOMFORT DOWN HERE spigot: DOWN OVER YONDER deuce: THINK PLEASANT THOUGHTS (BALLOONS, SPICKS, ETC.)

spigot: my pants fell down, he exclaimed to three colleagues whose pants had been down since sunday evening

spigot: PULLING MY PANTS DOWN spigot: AND spigot: FALLING DOWN STAIRS

: PANTS FALLS DOWN THE STAIRS (AGAIN) deuce: I'M NOT CALLING THE AMBULANCE THIS TIME pants: WHO ASKED (SPUTTER) pants: YOU TO (HGUGHG) pants: OKAY CALL

pants: WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE IN MY DIRTY CLOTHES pants: HI THERE HELLO pants: FUCKING LOOK AT ME

spigot: HUHHHHH I HELD MY BREATH THE WHOLE TIME JERKCITY WAS DOWN

deuce: INVESTIGATE MY DONG pants: WELL I'D LIKE TO BUT I'M FORBIDDEN FROM GOING DOWNTOWN deuce: WELL THEN I RESPOND WITH: MAVIS-BEACON-TEACHES-TYPING.JPG