deuce: THEORETICALLY, SOMEONE SOMEWHERE IS GETTING RAPED RIGHT NOW spigot: IF WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS TRUE I STILL DON'T GIVE A SHIT

deuce: MY HEART SAYS NEVER TO POO AGAIN pants: WHAT DOES YOUR TOILET SAY deuce: IT SAYS IF WISHES WERE HORSES pants: HOLY SHIT ARE WISHES HORSES deuce: NO IT'S A SAYING deuce: THE FULL SAYING IS: IF WISHES WERE HORSES, I'D SUCK THAT DICK pants: WHAT IF I WISH FOR A HORSE AND GET THE HORSE deuce: THAT WOULD BE YOU WISHING FOR A HORSES, NOT WISHES BEING HORSES (I MEAN DUH???) deuce: HOWEVER YOU'D STILL HAVE TO SUCK THAT DICK pants: IF WE MAKE WISHES HORSES THEN DO HORSES BECOME SOMETHING ELSE pants: LIKE THOSE LITTLE PUMPKIN CANDIES THAT ONLY COME OUT AROUND HALLOWEEN pants: I COULD SURE GO FOR ONE BAG OF THOSE RIGHT NOW (TWO BAGS) pants: NUMEROUS SHOTS FIRED

pants: IF WISHES WERE WIENERS deuce: IF FISTS WERE FISHES pants: IF SNAILS WERE SOMETHING S-WORD deuce: IF SNAILS WERE SOCKS pants: SURE LET'S GO WITH SOCKS deuce: ... I'D FUCK 'EM pants: YOU FUCK THAT SOCK deuce: SNAIL pants: TAKE IT OFF MY FOOT FIRST PLEASE deuce: WHY DO YOU HAVE YOUR FOOT IN A SNAIL??? deuce: NEVER MIND, FUCKING IT ANYWAY

.(pants): SOMEDAY I'M GONNA FUCK ME A PENGUIN pants: HELLO COCKMONSTER pants: IF YOU ARE NOT COCKMONSTER, CLICK HERE. ozone: I SAW YOU THINKING ABOUT FUCKING PENGUINS IN PANEL 1

spigot: T PANTS BLINK IF YOU CAN HEAR ME spigot: PULL MY DICK ONCE FOR YES AND FOUR HUNDRED TIMES FOR NO spigot: ARE YOU GAY pants: SURE

deuce: IF U CN RD THS, SCK M FCKNG CCK NTL T SPRTS LL VR R FC pants: (SQUINTING) pants: IF YOU CAN READ THIS, SUCK MY FUCKING COCK UNTIL IT SPURTS ALL OH GOD

spigot: IF YOU COULD ALL PLEASE BE QUIET deuce: HURBLBHLAHBAL pants: YEAH I HEAR YOU

deuce: T PANTS IF YOU COULD BE ANY FLIGHT MODE ANNUNCIATION, WHICH ONE WOULD YOU BE pants: T DEUCE I SUCK DICKS DEEP UNDERGROUND WHERE THE ELVES OF THE FOREST CAN'T CATCH ME BLOWING ORCS AND GOBLINS deuce: OBJECTION, NON-RESPONSIVE

pants: IF YOU CALL IT A SEX CRIME, I CALL IT ABSOLUTELY THE ONLY THING THAT GETS ME HARD pants: I CARE MORE ABOUT MY EGO THAN WHETHER YOU REQUIRE FOOD, WATER pants: I CAN'T BEAT OFF IF YOU CRY

spigot: WE DON'T COMMENT ON ACTIVE BEATOFFS spigot: IF YOU DON'T SEE THE TOILET, YOU ARE THE TOILET pants: NAPALM STICKS TO LITTLE GIRLS

pants: there's nothing "cool" about calling in sick to smoke dope and watch tv pants: don't beat me off if you don't mean it pants: i say this as a friend

pants: I pants: UH pants: WOULD LIKE TO pants: UH pants: BE GAY pants: UHM pants: ERR pants: WITH pants: UH pants: YOU pants: IF YOU DON'T MIND

deuce: BALLS pants: AYUH pants: IF YOU SEEK HIS MONUMENT LOOK AROUND YOU pants: PLUMPERS/PLUGGERS

pants: IF YOU TAKE BOTH, YOU'LL TAKE TOO MUCH pants: IF YOU TAKE BOTH, YOU'LL TAKE TOO MUCH pants: IF YOU TAK-- OH FUCK IT HALGHALGBLAGHL AHGL ANBG LHUA AG HLAG BNLAGH LBALG ALHAGHL BAGL HAGB LASLJDGB 88888888888888888888888

deuce: IF YOU TOUCH MY WIENER IT PUFFS UP LIKE A PORCUPINE deuce: OR A POPCORN KERNEL POPPING deuce: OR A PEACOCK FLARING ITS FEATHERS deuce: OR A RACCOON SUCKING DICK

spigot: if you're blue spigot: and you don't know spigot: where to go to spigot: why don't you go spigot: where fashion sits spigot: gianna michaels' tits spigot: piss

pants: I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY FOR THE RECORD THAT I AM A HUGE FAG spigot: IF YOU'RE HERE THEN WHO'S GUARDING THE PRESIDENT

deuce: I CALL IT "DOPEIFIED" pants: I PREFER TO THINK OF IT AS "FORTIFIED WITH POWERFUL MARIJUANA" pants: ALL THINGS CONSIDERED THAT'S JUST DANDY pants: MEANWHILE HERE I AM STUCK HERE IN THE SOUTH PACIFIC pants: A LOLLIPOP AND A COCONUT pants: HLAUGHULAHL LAGHLAGUH HLAGHL AHGLUHALGA SAID THE NATIVE pants: UBUGLHGBUG BUGBGU BGUH GUB UGHU BGUBG REPLIED THE TOURIST pants: WHO WANTS PIE

spigot: T ATANDT OR HOW ABOUT A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM STORY WHERE THE OBJECT OF THE WEB GAME IS TO SAVE NOT ONLY THE IMAGINARY RAINBOWS IN DREAM TOWN BUT ALSO THE REAL WORLD PROBLEMS OF POLLUTION atandt: T SPIGOT WE'LL CALL IT BONEQUEST spigot: POLLUTION IS JUST A BIG FAT JOKE TO YOU

spigot: IMAGINE GIVING A SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING GOING ON ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD spigot: MICROCURRENCIES, MICROSTRATEGIES, MICROPENISES spigot: YEAH YOU BETTER RUN spigot: INTRODUCING GOOGLE FLUBBER!!!!!! spigot: GOOGLE FLULBLBLGHRRR spigot: FUCK OFF YOU STUPID SHIT spigot: OKAY I'VE BEEN HILARIOUS FOR EXACTLY 8 HOURS, IT'S SOMEBODY ELSE'S TURN pants: DICKS !!!!! spigot: ANYBODY AT ALL

deuce: FINALLY I HAVE TIME TO MYSELF AND NOBODY WILL INTERRUPT deuce: I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO SAY deuce: COCKS

atandt: GLORYHOLE PERVERTS #1 IS BETTER THAN #2 AND #3 PUT TOGETHER atandt: IMHO

spigot: T DEUCE DO YOU REMEMBER IN THE MOVIE 300 WHERE THE GUY SAID SPARTA deuce: T SPIGOT (IMMEDIATE, NONSARCASTIC) NOPE spigot: K deuce: WHAT WAS IT ABOUT spigot: CHRIST JESUS SHUT UP

spigot: I'M A DESPERATE 20-SOMETHING CLINGING TO THE BELIEF THAT TALENT IS GENETIC pants: MY GRANDFATHER USED TO DRAW JERKCITY

spigot: IMPEACH BUSH!!!!!!!!! LILLITH FAIR

pants: THE CITIZENS OF SIMCITY IMPEACHED ME FOR DANGLING MY WANG OVER THEIR CITYSTATE pants: THEY HATE IT WHEN I DO THAT pants: YOU THINK "PINK DICK FROM THE GODS AGAIN" AND THEN EARTHQUAKES, FIRE TRUCK NOISES

deuce: WHO PUT THE HOSE UP ME deuce: AND FURTHERMORE deuce: WHY IS IT FILLING ME WITH WARM SALTWATER

deuce: WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF TOUCH MY DICK

pants: T DEUCE WE HAVE SOME IMPORTANT DECISIONS TO CONSIDER: HAMBURGERS; CHEESEBURGERS; BOTH deuce: CHEESEBURGERS!!!! pants: EVERYTHING LOOKS IN ORDER TO ME STAMP STAMP STAMP FOLDER CLOSED

spigot: FOR GODS SAKE I NEED MY HEAD IN THE TOILET

deuce: EAT SHIT

spigot: ALL THAT CURLY-BRACED JAVA / C / PERL / APPLESCRIPT / M4 CRAP CAN JUST GO RIGHT DOWN THE TOILET BECAUSE I HAVE IMPORTANT PANCAKES TO FLIP AND FLAP

pants: HALGHALUHGLUHGALAUHLAG pants: YEE HAW pants: ALGHAGLHLAHGLAGHLHG

spigot: EXCUSE ME EVERYBODY BE QUIET spigot: I'M GETTING AN IMPORTANT TEXT ON MY PHONE spigot: IT'S FROM MY AUTOMATED SMOKE ***DETEXTOR*** pants: WHAT DOES IT SAY spigot: MY HOUSE BURNED DOWN

spigot: THERE'S LICKING DICKS IN SPACE AND THERE'S LICKING DICKS FROM SPACE

deuce: DO I REALLY NEED TO SEE THIS PORN STARLET'S ACNE IN 4K? ANSWER: NO

pants: CHOKE IT ON spigot: DOWN pants: ALL AROUND spigot: TOWN pants: IN THE STEREO spigot: SOUND pants: IS HOW IT'S GONNA GO spigot: DOWN pants: I LIKE LICKIN DICK AND I LIKE LICKIN spigot: PRICK pants: WE CHOKE EM DOWN QUICK OR WE ALL GET spigot: SICK

pants: I SHOULD LIKE TO BE CARRIED AROUND IN A BUCKET BY YOU pants: DOWN BY THE SHORE WE WILL WANDER deuce: WILL I SOMETIMES DIP YOU INTO THE WATER AND THEN SOMETIMES SCOOP UP SOME SAND AND THEN MAYBE DUMP IT OUT pants: A-SEEKING OYSTERS AND OTHER DELICIOUS OCEAN EATABLES deuce: WHAT IF I JUST FUCK YOUR FACE

spigot: FZZZZZZZZZZZTTTT spigot: WOOD CHIPPER AND SPRAY OF CHIPS AHOY PARTICLES spigot: PARTICULATE MATTER IN A FINE MIST OF BARELY NOTICEABLE CHOCOLATE SHAVINGS

spigot: do you think jake steed and byron long are friends in real life deuce: they would be in a just world

spigot: I'M GOING TO TIE MY DICK IN A KNOT spigot: THEN GET A BONER AND CHOKE MYSELF

spigot: LINE UP GALS spigot: SQUEEZE spigot: GROPE spigot: SPURF

deuce: WHO LIKES COCK IN A PLATONIC WAY deuce: JUST AS A FRIEND spigot: JUST HERE TO HELP pants: I'M EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN THE FEELINGS OF THE COCKS

deuce: IT'S A GAY GAY WORLD deuce: I'M TIRED DADDY pants: LET US ROLL AROUND ON THE GAY GAY CARPET deuce: I CAN DO THAT pants: BE GAY WITH ME IN A WELL-HUNG MANNER

atandt: HAVE YOU ALL NOTHING BETTER TO DO atandt: WHERE IS MY FORTIFIED WINE atandt: WHEN IS THE COCKSUCKING CONTEST AGAIN pants: THURSDAY AT 4, 7, 9 AND TWO SHOWS AT 12 AND 12:30

net: T PANTS I'D JUST LIKE TO POINT OUT HOW CHOCOLATEY MY BUTTHOLE IS AT THE MOMENT net: T PANTS LICKABLY SOFT/CHOCOLATEY net: T PANTS IN ALL SERIOUSNESS I'M TIRED OF HINTING. I NEED A RIM JOB SOMETHING AWFUL pants: I'LL GET THE HUGGIES

pants: I MUST PROTEST: A FLAPJACK IN AND OF ITSELF CANNOT BE GAY pants: OR....... pants: (TUNE IN TOMORROW)

spigot: WHAT I LIKE TO DO IS ADD THE PHRASE "IN BED" TO THE END OF MY FORTUNE COOKIES!!!!!!!!!! spigot: I WILL LICK DICK ... IN BED!!!!!! spigot: I WILL CUT OFF MY DONG AND BALLS ... IN BED!!!!!!!!!! spigot: I HAVE A KEEN EYE FOR RAPING PROSTITUTES AND CLOROXING THEM DOWN THE BATHTUB ... IN BED !!!!!!!!!! spigot: SOME DON'T WORK

pants: SLOW DOWN, TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND SOAK ME WITH THE HOSE

deuce: HURRAY FOR MY WANG spigot: PLEASE READ MY WANGZINE pants: HURRAY FOR YOUR WANG

pants: WHAT AM I GOING TO REPLACE THE KYLE TRIAL WITH deuce: ANAL ACROBATS 1 THROUGH 10 IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER pants: SEEMS FAIR

spigot: CAN YOU NOT PLAY ADAGIO FOR BASSOON WHILE I PULL MY PENIS

effigy: YEARS AGO IN DAYS OF OLD AND MAGIC FILLED THE AIR spigot: DELETE THIS

pants: ARE YOU THE VALID FILEHANDLE I'VE BEEN DREAMING OF

pants: I SAW DILDO MAN IN MY DREAMS LAST NIGHT

spigot: YOU KNOW IN ENGLAND GAY PEOPLE HANG OUT IN THE "LAVATORY" spigot: AND COCKSUCKING IS CALLED "BANGERS AND MASH" spigot: ALSO DON'T ORDER A "PINT OF BITTER" spigot: I THINK WE'VE ALL MADE THAT MISTAKE spigot: HELLO spigot: OKAY I LIED I NEVER WENT TO ENGLAND spigot: UNLESS MERVYNS COUNTS spigot: I'LL BE QUIET

spigot: THIS DOESN'T FEEL LIKE AN ALTERNATE REALITY spigot: IN FACT I CAN'T EVEN FEEL MY LEGS

pants: MY BOTTOM SURE CAN HOLD A LOT OF POO

deuce: DICKS spigot: I'LL SAY

deuce: OKAY I MEANT JIZZY spigot: FUCK THIS spigot: I NEED TO PRACTICE IN FRONT OF A MIRROR

spigot: PLEASE PUNCH ME IN THE FACE IN FRONT OF MY CHURCH FRIENDS spigot: IT TURNS OUT DUST IS ESSENTIALLY PARTICLES OF DEBRIS FROM POLLUTION IN OUR ATMOSPHERE SO I SARAN WRAPPED THE TOILETS AND FAUCETS TODAY spigot: SLOWLY THE VAMPIRE EXAMINED THE COCK IN HIS FACE

hanford: GOOD GOD atandt: WHAT NOW hanford: THAT WAS CLOSE atandt: ARE YOU MY REPLACEMENT hanford: HERE IT COMES AGAIN atandt: NEVER MIND THE MONKEYS, THEY JUST LIKE TOILETS

spigot: WAITER spigot: WHAT'S THIS FAG DOING IN MY SOUP pants: SUCKING SIR

:Censored by U.S. Govt. pants: I'M IN THIS FOR THE [REDACTED] PEOPLE pants: NOT FOR THE [REDACTED] OR THE [REDACTED] OR ALL THE REALLY GREAT DRUGS spigot: NEXT TIME WE TRY A CRAZY STUNT LET'S INVOLVE COCKS IN THE DARKNESS

spigot: CHRISTMAS IS COMING / THE GOOSE IS GETTING FAT spigot: PLEASE PUSH YOUR BONER / IN MY BIG DUMB FACE hanford: @JERKCITYHIFI CAN WE GET AN API FOR INTEGRATION

pants: in my defense I was trying to fuck the bong deuce: do you really think that matters to the bong

pants: CHRIST CRAPS IN MY HAND effigy: IS IN HIS OWN VISAGE? pants: AND MY HAND

pants: WILL I BE ABLE TO AFFORD SPACE TRAVEL IN MY LIFETIME deuce: WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME I DIDN'T GO TO COLLEGE

pants: THEY GO IN MY MOUTH AND IN MY ASS pants: WHICH IS WEIRD pants: NOT TOO MANY OTHER OBJECTS FIT THAT BILL

spigot: AND I'M SLAPPING MY DONG AROUND IN MY OWN FACE

pants: SHUT YOUR CAKE HOLE, GET ME OUT OF JAIL, AND HUMP MY HIP deuce: HOMP CH-CHING GAHGLAHGLAH (IN ORDER)

pants: WHO IS UP FOR PRICKS pants: SPEAK NOW deuce: I WOULD LIKE YOU TO SPECIFY AND COMPLETELY INDICATE WHAT IS INVLFBHBHBLHBDLBHEDBHBHE0Y WYW0F HFPODJFK;SHFSFH deuce: IN OTHER WORDS YES

spigot: OKAY WELL, ASKING AGAIN: spigot: ARE WE PUMPED FOR MADDEN 16 (IN STORES NOW) pants: #GAYDADS #BIDADS #AUTISTICDADS #GEEKDADS

spigot: YOU ARE SERIOUSLY CHOKING MY FACE WITH YOUR DONG IN SUCH A WAY THAT I MIGHT BE FORCED TO LOG OFF

spigot: LET'S ALL GET HIGH AND THEN GAY deuce: RRRRRRRRR

deuce: I GOT FORTUNE COOKIE AND MADE IN JAPAN SO WE CAN WATCH IT TOGETHER spigot: BE GAY WITH ME IN THE APRICOT ORCHARD BEHIND KAISER PERMANENTE

spigot: NOT ONLY CAN I SMOKE DOPE AFTER WORK BUT ALSO BEFORE WORK AND IN THE BATHROOM AT WORK spigot: THEN THE DOPE WEARS OFF AND I WONDER WHY I'M ALIVE deuce: WHIRRR spigot: THEN I SMOKE DOPE AGAIN AND DRAW FLOWERS, DONGS

spigot: I BEAT OFF IN THE CAR WITH SAFEWAY CONDITIONER

spigot: GIDDYUP JINGLEHORSE PICK UP YOUR FEET spigot: HOLY CHRIST I'M AN ADULT GAY MALE deuce: SHUT UP

deuce: SMEARING IT pants: HAVING IT SMEARED I SUPPOSE (FOLLOWING ALONG EVEN THOUGH IT IS DARK, COLD OUT) pants: NOT REAL SURE ABOUT THIS pants: THE LANTERN WENT OUT

deuce: JERK IT MECCA-WARD deuce: (IN THE DIRECTION OF MECCA) pants: AS I HONK TO GOD

pants: I CAN'T SEE: BLINDED BY MY BONER deuce: BLINDED BECAUSE OF ITS POWER OR BECAUSE IT POKED YOUR EYES OUT OR PERHAPS IT WAS MERELY IN THE WAY OF WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO SEE: A DISTANT BONER pants: POKED

deuce: BUSTA RHYMES NEEDS TO DRINK LESS COFFEE OR SOMETHING

spigot: SERIOUSLY APPRECIATIVE OF THE WAY YOU TOOK IT IN THE FACE OVER LABOR DAY spigot: OR DO I MEAN UP THE FACE spigot: WHICHEVER

spigot: ARE YOU TELLING ME THERE'S A :POINT_RIGHT:QUEER:POINT_LEFT: PODCAST spigot: FOLLOW-UP: DO YOU DARE ME TO MAKE A SWASTIKA OUT OF HOT DOGS AND SQUIRT MUSTARD ON PEOPLE IN THE FINANCIAL DISTRICT spigot: THERE'S NO RIGHT OR WRONG [[[RUNS AWAY]]] spigot: ALEXA HIDE MY PHONE pants: GUH FAT deuce: EVERYBODY deuce: PRESENT YOUR FANNYPACKS FOR INSPECTION spigot: :NOTES: BIG THICK DICKS / FROM NOON TO SIX :NOTES: spigot: SERIOUSLY WE CLOSE AT 6PM PDT pants: :DUCK: AFLAC

spigot: IN THE INTEREST OF TRANSPARENCY, I AM COPYING AND PASTING THE TRANSCRIPT OF THAT CONVERSATION HERE: spigot: LADY, YOU ARE LITERALLY MADE OF URINAL SOAP CAKES

spigot: THE BONGS THEY ARE A-SMOKIN' / AND THESE DONGS THEY ARE A-POKIN' spigot: IN THE LAND spigot: OF THE OLD spigot: SOMETHING

spigot: CHAR *NUTS; deuce: TYPEDEF CHAR NUTS[2]; spigot: STOP SHOWING OFF

spigot: I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I DID LOTS OF HANDJOBS IN THE MILITARY spigot: SOMEONE PLEASE FIGURE OUT GLORYHOLES SO I DON'T KEEP SMOOSHING MY NOSE

spigot: DO I PUT THE PLUGIN INTO THE PLUGINS FOLDER OR SHOVE IT DIRECTLY UP MY BIG FAT ASS deuce: AND THAT'S PRETTY MUCH WHEN THE COCKS COME CHIRPING THROUGH MY WINDOW spigot: I JUST CAN'T DECIDE FOR THE LOVE OF HOLY CHRIST

spigot: I BELIEVE I AM A GAY DONG IN THE SHAPE OF A PERSON deuce: T SPIGOT WE SHALL SOON TEST THAT HYPOTHESIS

pants: IF YOU'RE LISTENING TO THIS IN STEREO pants: THIS VOICE SHOULD BE IN THE LEFT EAR pants: AND THIS VOICE SHOULD BE IN THE RIGHT EAR

spigot: REMEMBER THAT TIME WE WERE GAY WITH EACH OTHER IN THE UPS TRUCK AND THEN IT TOOK OFF AND THE DOOR SLID SHUT AND WE WENT TO VERMONT atandt: WHATEVER

spigot: A1: COCKS IN THE FACE spigot: A2: BALLS UP THE NUTS spigot: I'M NOT GAY

pants: THE MORE WE PLAY TOGETHER THE HAPPIER WE GET deuce: IN THEORY deuce: **IN THEORY** I AM NOT A FAGGOT pants: SNACK CAKES

spigot: IN THIS CARTOONTHE FAT CATS REPRESENTPOLITICIANS !!! spigot: MEOW MEOW MEOWMEOW CHONKER MEOW spigot: NOW STICK ITIN MY MEOWTH

deuce: a crime has been committed in this very room: nobody lick a dick pants: but who hgulahuglahglhalugag who deuce: we'll hglhglaghlgh get to the glahglahglagh bottom of lghalghalgh this

dick: HONESTLY, THESE DAYS CAN YOU REALLY AFFORD *NOT* TO SUCK DICK FOR CRACK? deuce: I WILL ANSWER THAT IN THREE PARTS: 1. GLHGAHLGHLGAHLGAHLAGHLAG deuce: 2. HUBHUBHUBHUBHUBHUBHU deuce: 3. OIGREIOGYRLIGHLDBHNDFHB